Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Testing My scroll boxy of doom.

Umm this is more or less a test for my scrollbox, but if you must know. I am really depressed and worried right now. I will right more of this later when I know more about what I am depressed and worried about.

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Sunday, September 2, 2007

   Sad.

Well I had a depressing dream last night. I dreamt that Becki was here with me. Then when I woke up I thought she was actually here, then I realized she wasn't. I almost wanted to break down and cry. If I don't get to see her sometime soon I am going to break down. I need her so bad, but I guess there is nothing I can do about. *sighs* I need to stop writing before I start to cry. Until Next time, Nikki.

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Thursday, August 30, 2007

   Tag.

I got tagged.... The rules are: 1. Post these rules. 2. Each person tagged must post 8 random facts about themselves. 3. Tags should write a journal/ blog of these facts. 4. At the end of the post 8 more people are tagged and named. 5. Go to their page and leave a comment telling them they're tagged. My Randomness 1) I'm paranoid. 2) I'm a lesbian. 3) I love to write, but I am in a writers block. 4) I have major social anxiety. 5) I LOVE Vault. 6) The saw movies make me smile. 7) I love rainbows. 8) I worry about anything and everything. Now for those I shall tag! -SNIFFLES of DOOM -Mercury Tiger -captin obvious -Dragon609 -LadyLenaJade -Kytten. I only tagged 6 people, cause I don't have that many friends. :( xD

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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

   Fuck!

I am in such fucking bitchy mood. I have been like that since Trig today. I almost started crying in Trig. I am so frustrated and pissed and bitchy. And I don't know why. I just feel like breaking down and crying. Damn it. I need to take my meds like I am suppossed too. On top of that the people are starting to get to me. I can't handle the stares and whispers anymore. I am too the point of fucking swinging. I just can't handle it. Then Church. I am going tonight. Mainly because I need help in Trig from Eddie. I feel like my youth pastors hate me now. I used to be so close to them. Then I came out, and I feel like they don't like me anymore. I can feel such tension when I am there. I feel like they are judging me. I am afraid of them now. Afraid that I am a disapointment. That is what I feel like to them. I feel so small around them now. I feel like they don't like me anymore. *sighs* I need to have a good breakdown. I need to fucking talk to Becki. FUCK

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Sterff

My dining room smells funny. o.o My gay cheerios and biscuit taste good though. ^^ I am a bored little girl. Sleepy bored little girl. 6:18 am. >[ Fixing to have to get on an hour long bus ride. Double >[. But all is good in the hood. Kind of mad at my mom. But that is the usual. Welp. Off to school. Until I write again.

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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

My dad

Me and him had a long conversation today. I don't want to go into detail. But we are on the good again. I will start talking to him more. SO hopefully he will be more understanding. But yeah we are good now. So I am happy. I just hope it lasts. :]

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Monday, August 20, 2007

   Why does my he hate me?

According to my dad, I am just a spoiled, lazy, brat. He didn't say it in those exact words, but he might as well had. Apparently all I do is sit on my lazy ass and talk on the phone and get on the computer. OH but that is when I am at home. Apparently I am gone 24/7. I hardly go anywhere unless it is with Kayla. It hurts so much. My dad favortizes my brother so much over me. It is kind of hard to get beat by an alcoholic/crack head that can't stay out of jail. I mean, I am the good kid. The one that doesn't fuck around, the one that is going to college. But apparently I am a failure in my dads eyes. Maybe if I become a crack addict and land myself in Jail my dad will like me. WEll I need to stop before I start crying again.

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Friday, August 17, 2007

   Another Update.

I didn't get a car. I doubt I will ever get one. lol School starts back the 21st. Kind of dreading it. Stressing over College and my future and such. Seriously thinking of going to ASU in Jonesboro or maybe ASU in Newport. Don't know yet. Me and Kayla are going to see Superbad Sunday. THat is so our movie. I CAN'T WAIT. I just learned I may be taking English Comp 1 This year. If I do wish me luck. Hmmm what else is going on in my life. Me and Becki couldn't be better. Oh My brother is back in Jail. But that is a story I'd rather not go into too. I guess that is all the news in my life. Sorry I am boring. lol Until next time. ♥ Nikki

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Monday, August 6, 2007

   Just an update!

Not much with me as usual. I will go shopping with Kayla and Our Moms hopefully on Wednesday. Yay. Ummm...Doing pretty well I guess. Having some depression spells, but since I started taking my Medicine again they went away. Go figure. *rolls eyes* Becki and I are doing well. The guy from the insurance place is here as we speak to give my dad the money from the wreck. My dad has a new truck picked out. A 2000 Dodge Extended cab. I am happy. I am glad we geting another Dodge. Then I might be able to get a car. I test drove one today. Anyways That is about it. SOmetime at the end of the week we have to take the Rental van back to Missouri, So I will drive my Dad's truck up there. While he drives the Van. We might also have a prospect of me a car up in Kansas City also. So I guess I will just see. I picked up a job app. at super Value today. Maybe I might actually get a job. YAY. lol Well that is all for now. Farewell.

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Saturday, July 28, 2007

   I am going to hell.

You want to know what my favorite word is? Fuckers, Fucky, Fuck Any variation of the word, doesn't it just make you feel better after saying it? It does me. I know this is sad, and I have came to a conclusion, that I will probably burn in hell. Which makes me emo like.

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