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Wednesday, March 12, 2008


Problems
My Brother tried to commit suicide Tuesday morning. My mom woke my dad up at 4 O'Clock in the morning to go talk to him. He had a '22 in his bed, saying he just didn't have enough balls to pull the trigger. Well, thank God I wasn't there. He is going to see a therapist. My dad and I don't know what to think. We don't know if he really suicidal or if he is just trying to cover something. My mother and him have been strangley close lately, and it seems like they are up to something. Anyone that knows anything about my family knows this isn't a good thing. I don't know what to do anymore? It hurts me to think of what will happen after I graduate. Dad has promised me that he would stay in parkin until I graduate, but he says he doesn't know if he can make it two more months. If something happens, and my dad finally leaves my mom for good, there is no way my mom could survive on her own. I don't know I am going over so many what if's in my mind. Maybe I Should just stop, whatever I think will be the outcome is never the case. *sigh*

Anyways, We got our senior stuff the other day. Only 45 school days until I graduate. It is 70 something all together. I am so stoked but so worried in the same breathe. It is like I am finally grown up. I will be 18 soon, I will be out on my own soon. It is strangley scary but a relief of a feeling.

Well, I am going to go. I have so many things are whirling through my thoughts. I can't grab a hold of specific one. I am kind of a mess right now. I can't stop thinking of shit.

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