Sunday, October 30, 2005

   holy toledo! lol. Well, I thought I would share with those who actually read my journal that I am fine and well. my friends have been off and on my nerves lately... now it's cija. ugh! I can understand if she doesn't want to hurt my feelings but I don't want to hold her back. Plus I love how everyone including Sam's mom and my mom automatically assume I like Nick. I don't! He's just fun to flirt around and be myself...kind of how me and kenny were until things got complicated and he won't ask cija out because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I find I'm better off just being single. I'll know someone is compatible with me when I can actually have a good conversation with them face to face. Me and Alex were close, but when It came to being together face to fance and what not he held back and I was nervous. What I need is someone who can handle my stressed out ways. until then i'm doing the single thing. night ya'll.
until later.
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Sunday, October 23, 2005

   Below is your Virgo horoscope
for October 23, 2005

Your social life should really be zooming along at a rapid pace right now.
There should be many new and interesting developments and opportunities for
enjoying yourself and meeting new people popping up all the time. Just
don't put your old friends off if you're out there making a bunch of new
friends right now.
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Sunday, October 16, 2005

   siiiiiiiiigh... SO now i am over kenny. I found out from my friend sam that he doesn't like me like that anymore and he doen't think it would ever work out. It's tough but at least i know and I can get over it. It could have been worse if we were going out and he told me himself that he didn't like me anymore like that. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRG! I hate being stressed over the dumbest little things. I hate that I'm like this and i hate that once a boy gets to know me it scares him off. I know i'm diffrent from others, and some would call me a prude even I guess, but I really am nice and fun to be around once you get to know me. How can I know what the hell to do to get a guy to like me enough to ask me out when no one has ever even asked me out (with the exception of alex)that i really liked a lot and knew enough about????!!!! fucking tell me! Anyone??? no answer? That's a big fuckin surprise!
I'm sorry for the profanity, it's not like me but I'm just super frusterated.
I need rest.
night
i hope everyone else is well
nicole
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Tuesday, October 11, 2005

   Kenny update
So recent kenny update. So Far things are looking up. Me and him got along better today but it's still finding things to talk about from time to time. I don't know... Before it was easier to talk to him when I only liked him as a friend now that i like him more... I have to find more to say. Ugh. LOL. But just because today went well doesn't mean that the rest of the week will be just as good. plus I think Sam and the other two know something that they're not telling me, and i think it's for the worst. But you know me I'm super paranoid and looking for the deeper meaning of things all the time. Plus, I think i'm a "moment-ruiner". That's my word for one who ruins a good moment, like say you're having this really good conversation with a guy and something really dumb comes out of your mouth that really you knew you shouldn't say but you did anyway, and the moment of heaven is gone. I find I do that a lot, but I can't help it. It's Hard sometimes for me to be unprepared for things. I like surprises but I hate them at the same time. SIGH! That always seems to be the story of my life.
Well I need my beauty rest.
Night ya'll and sweet dreams!
Nicole
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Friday, October 7, 2005

   ask out
so, kenny my darling dearest, has not yet asked me out, and it's wearing me down. Ugh! and my friends kat and sam think I should ask him out. Luckily my othr frien, Cija knows that I think the boy should ask me. As much I want to do it, i can't. Ugh! and of course lucky me i'm away this weekend while sam, cija, and kat get to go bowling this saturday and maybe with kenny. It's not fair. sigh. i'm depressed, amd about a boy too which is even more depressing. Well i need rest.
night
nicole
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Sunday, October 2, 2005

   So I definently had a blast at homecoming. I was nervous at first but in the end it was great and it ends up the the hilary thing with kenny didn't work out so I think he likes me but i can't tell. He definently danced behing me with his hand upon my waist. It was weird. never danced like that before. It was a little uncomfortable but i kind of liked it, and no i am not a slut, well hopefully, because of it. Now all my froends are like you and kenny are gonna hook up. i'm not expecting anything but we'll see.
night ya'll
nicole
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Sunday, September 25, 2005

   ugh
kenny saga has not yet ended due to him not calling me back the jack ass. but alas, i'm being the dumb overly nice one and am still going to homecoming with him.... who knows maybe if he pisses me off enough this week i'll drop him on his ass and not go with him at all. I'm definently going to try to look my hottest though. bleh. Well i must be off.
yours till a guy my match will find me and wisk me away,
Nicole
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Tuesday, September 20, 2005

   kenny saga i am going to bring to an end
I have decided that tomorrow, i am oficially telling kenny that we are just friends and will stay that way for almost always and that i just want our friendship back and it's more important to me than going out with him or him even liking me more than a friend. he just needs to ask hilary out, and because he's being dumb he won't.
oh well, off on my search for a boy that is the perfect match for me.
night
nicole
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Friday, September 16, 2005

   a bit depressed
Sorry it's been such a long time, for those of you who read this. I've been super busy with my highly soap operatic life that I haven't had time to fill you all in. I don't know what I wrote about in the last entry but it doesn't matter anymore.
Kay, so i'm gonna try to fill you in but not with too much detail okay? Alright then.
So, I really did like Kenny and I was excited that he asked me to homecomeing (first boy ever, so naturally I thought maybe i'll have more than one first this year. But I had found out from someone else and Kenny that he liked Hilary to (I'm not a big fan of Hilary's at this moment in time).So of course I asked kenny if he would rather go with hilary, and of course he said no, and then i asked if he was gonna ditch me at the dance for he, and of course he said no. and i told him that i didn't completely trust hilary, but i wasn't trying to change his decision at all. and so the next day after i had talked to him it really frusterated me and then yesterday and today he's been hanging out with her every morning, when normally he hangs with me. And my friends don't know why i'm putting up with his shit, and neither do i. And now i guess hilary found out that kenny liked her but she doesn't see him that way and normally, i would be ecstatic but i just don't care. He's changed from the kenny i knew and liked when i didn't even like him like that, if that makes sense. So yah. to the depressing part.
Kenny has changed... And he's not the same anymore... and he's being a jack ass at this moment. Like today he didn't hang out with me this morning and so after lunch I asked kenny why he was being so stand offish. He said no, he wasn't and I said yah you have. And he asked me how he was. So i told him he wasn't the same. and he said yah i'm the same kenny. I said no you're not, and i should know. He's like you want me to be like the one who was always poking and tickling you all the time. I said yah, actually I do. I actually miss that of you. and when we were the first ones up to the math room when no one was there i said. Kenny... I think you're losing me little by little. he said what? I said, i'm sliping away slowly but surely and he said no. i said very slowly. Kenny, maybe you just don't understand at all anymore.
And i that whole scenario just above this registered in my head on the bus after school today and I almost feel like crying. The kenny I once new, wasn't wearing all name brand clothes (which is fine as long as you don't conform with them) and he didn't care about what everyone thought. now he's self concence (i don't know how to spell it but i'm sure you know what i mean).He's the one ruining our friendship and i'm the won weakly trying to hold it up and keep it all together before it breaks. I can't take it. i don't think I like him like that anymore but i do cherish him as a friend. Ugh. i don't know what to do anymore.




I just give up.
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Tuesday, September 6, 2005

   YESSSSSS!!!
I GOT ASKED TO HOMECOMING! I GOT ASKED TO HOMECOMING! I GOT ASKED TO HOMECOMING!!!!!
I'm excited, except I can't dance. lol. seriously though. I don't know why that's sooo funny to me right now but i think it's hysterical even though it's quite a serious matter. ha ha.
only thing is between me liking kenny and vice versa, is that bitch
(pardon the language, but it's true even my nicest friends don't like her) hilary. I have a bad feeling about her. Ugh.
oh well I'm SOOOOOO happy.
night ya'll
Nicole
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