Friday, September 16, 2005

   a bit depressed
Sorry it's been such a long time, for those of you who read this. I've been super busy with my highly soap operatic life that I haven't had time to fill you all in. I don't know what I wrote about in the last entry but it doesn't matter anymore.
Kay, so i'm gonna try to fill you in but not with too much detail okay? Alright then.
So, I really did like Kenny and I was excited that he asked me to homecomeing (first boy ever, so naturally I thought maybe i'll have more than one first this year. But I had found out from someone else and Kenny that he liked Hilary to (I'm not a big fan of Hilary's at this moment in time).So of course I asked kenny if he would rather go with hilary, and of course he said no, and then i asked if he was gonna ditch me at the dance for he, and of course he said no. and i told him that i didn't completely trust hilary, but i wasn't trying to change his decision at all. and so the next day after i had talked to him it really frusterated me and then yesterday and today he's been hanging out with her every morning, when normally he hangs with me. And my friends don't know why i'm putting up with his shit, and neither do i. And now i guess hilary found out that kenny liked her but she doesn't see him that way and normally, i would be ecstatic but i just don't care. He's changed from the kenny i knew and liked when i didn't even like him like that, if that makes sense. So yah. to the depressing part.
Kenny has changed... And he's not the same anymore... and he's being a jack ass at this moment. Like today he didn't hang out with me this morning and so after lunch I asked kenny why he was being so stand offish. He said no, he wasn't and I said yah you have. And he asked me how he was. So i told him he wasn't the same. and he said yah i'm the same kenny. I said no you're not, and i should know. He's like you want me to be like the one who was always poking and tickling you all the time. I said yah, actually I do. I actually miss that of you. and when we were the first ones up to the math room when no one was there i said. Kenny... I think you're losing me little by little. he said what? I said, i'm sliping away slowly but surely and he said no. i said very slowly. Kenny, maybe you just don't understand at all anymore.
And i that whole scenario just above this registered in my head on the bus after school today and I almost feel like crying. The kenny I once new, wasn't wearing all name brand clothes (which is fine as long as you don't conform with them) and he didn't care about what everyone thought. now he's self concence (i don't know how to spell it but i'm sure you know what i mean).He's the one ruining our friendship and i'm the won weakly trying to hold it up and keep it all together before it breaks. I can't take it. i don't think I like him like that anymore but i do cherish him as a friend. Ugh. i don't know what to do anymore.




I just give up.