Monday, May 1, 2006

   Best Friends can be huge bitches sometimes!
UGH!!!! okay so I don't know or even remember the last time I complained about sam but she is being such a bitch right now! She's been acting weird lately and I kind of figured it had to do with me hanging out with Abbie more now. But whole thing is that she's always hangin out with Kat anyway and I just moved on because I felt like a third wheel. So on friday I went to the talent show with sam, cija, and kenny, and I decided that I was going to see what was going on. So during intermission i asked Sam if she was upset with me. Her eyes got big and she said no. Then I said you'd tell me if you were upset with me wouldn't you? and she said yah and my final question was You wouldn't just keep to yourself if you were mad? And she said no. I knew she was lieing though. So on Sunday I got an e-mail and this is what it said:

so the other night when you asked me if anything was wrong, I kind of lied to you. I just feel like you're never around to talk to anymore because you're always with Abbie, so I just feel like I'm no longer your best friend but Abbie is instead, so I feel second best to Abbie.

SO here was my response:

I'm sorry you feel like that. I've become really close to Abbie because she was the only person I hung out with during the musical and also at about the same time when musical rehaearsal started you and Kat became inseperable. So now when you're with kat in the morning I do my own thing, because I just feel like i'm second to kat. So I guess we both are in the same situation. I'd really like to get our friendship back to the way it was. I'm not hanging out with abbie to make you mad at all. and I understand why you've become close to Kat now compared to me because I was busy and I couldn't always be there. I'm not mad at you, and I hope you're not mad at me. I just hope we can get things back to the way they were somehow.

I never got a response. SO this morning i went to where we all normally hang out and Sam wasn't there so Cija asked me wht was up. ANd I explained. Then Cija told me she had talked to sam the other night and sam was complaning about me and Abbie and Cija said "well think about how it is with you and KAt when you're around Nicole." Cija told me she actually got silent and thought about it as if she finally got it. I JUST DON"T FUCKINGGET IT! the whole reason I didn't end up going on the senior trip was because of them! I even told that I felt like a third wheel. So I wrote her a letter during my first period class and i explained more. So I didn't here from her or barely talk to her all day until 9th period when Cija gave me a note from her:

Nicole, Well I don't really know what to tell you anymore. But you ditched me way in the beginning of the year, and you and Abbie got closer before me and Kat did. And as for outr friendship, well that's never going to be the same.

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!!! IT'S A LOAD OF BULLSHIT AND SHE KNOWS IT AND SHE'S BLAMING IT ALL ON ME!. She always does this to me! It always has to be MY fault. I don't get it at all. I gave her plenty of time to say something. And I never said anything about Kat because I didn't want to cause drama in the group and I moved on. Why can't she??? I refuse to call her this time. And if I do end up doing it, it will because I can't deal with her petty little shit and I need to get the anger out of me and out in the open. How can she do this?????
oh and Kyleigh, I enjoyed seeing you better at the musical than her (i would anyways but even more) because she didn't care. WHY WON'T SHE GROW UP???????
WHY? WHY? wHY?!!!!




i need a hug
nicole