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I have a narutofan account,FireQueen so feel free to look me up:0

m kinda co-authoirng a book with someone in arizona. please tell me what you think consturctive criticism only please.( and i know that the point of view switches havent had time to fix it)
“Ching” the cash register clanged as it slide back into place.

“Thank you for buying flowers from us Ms. Grable.” A pretty, young woman of a bout 25 says. She is dressed in a deep lavender midriff shirt and tight black pants with lavender stripes on the side. Her hair was partially held up in a half ponytail with two hair pins stuck through it. A dark purple stone strung on a black silk ribbon hangs gracefully on her neck. She is very lean and well muscled and 5.8 in height.“Ohh no problem dear, you know that you are the best florist around and I don’t settle for anything other than the best.” Ms. Grable said sweetly.

“You are to kind.”

“Ding” the door sang as Ms Grable left

“Whew! Last customer, I need to close up shop.”
She hummed as she tidied up. Then she put on her cloak and left.

As she walked down the street and turned the corner, she was confronted by two guards.

The kingdom had long since been ruled over by the guards and their master, Havoc, A despicable man with a desire to kill. And no one was happier to do his bidding than his guards.

Grinning mischievously one of the guards said

“Hey baby, let us buy you a drink.”

“No thank you” Melee said, head down.
(She was thinking how ridiculously easy it would be for her to kill them both with her poison hair pins or her silver bracelet that doubled as a razor sharp blade.

“It’s a pity I can’t reveal my strength yet” she thought to herself.

“Aww come on sweetie pie, just one drink?” It gets awfully lonely with just the two of us out here protecting the kingdom” the second guard said.

The first guard started to reach for her; she knocked his hand aside and stepped back.

“Protecting the city? You scum couldn’t so anything but hurt this kingdom!!!” she said vehemently. As the guards went to attack her there was a flash of light further on down the road.

“Stay here” the guards growled and went to check it out.


She was approached from behind by a tall man, in height he looked to be 6”6, he wore a long sleeve collar jacket that was open but at the top where the collar appeared to button together was open but both sides were close to buttoned. Underneath the jacket, his six pack abs was clearly visible as a long dark red scar made itself visible from the opening. Upon his hands the man wore black gloves that looked partially tight and partially baggy around his fists as a red X was on the top of both of the gloves. His face was partially easy to see but had long black hair covering his face slightly. His black hair trailed down and stopped a few inches above his shoulders. A mask covered the middle of his face, his crystal like blue eyes glistening beneath his hair, the color of his eyes dancing in the ray of sun that shown down. A mask covered his nose and His lips were perfectly aligned and looked just right, vampiric fangs overlapping his bottom lip by a few inches. Upon his legs were long baggy black pants with red X’s on the kneecap regions of the pants and upon his feet he wore large black boots. He glanced down upon her with a slight smile and said in a deep but clear tone of voice

“The guards are gone, my name is Malice.”

He bowed politely to her.

She stood in front of him, smiled and nodded her head in acknowledgement.

"I see that, Thank you, I am Melee” she said with a smile.

Malice gave a smile and drew out a beautiful red rose from his cloak and held it out to her. A soft wind blew through the environment bringing out the best of the surroundings. Trees blew slowly in the soft breeze, the leave rolling about on the ground and ruffling in the trees, the bushes swaying back and forth with every soft gust. His long black hair blew about in the soft gust revealing a bit more of his crystal like blue eyes. The sun was out on this day but was not too bright and not to dim, the breeze gave a refreshing cool feeling against hot and sweaty bodies. As Malice held the rose out he smiles softly and said sweetly

“A Beautiful Rose, For a Beautiful Girl”

Melee sweeped her long hair out of her face and took the rose. She pulled her long black cloak over her. Her long hair draped over her pale face. Her purple-blue eyes shone in the light and the leaves swirled around them as they walked down an alley to a quiet pub.

Malice would veer about with caution knowing he may be a wanted man but chose not to reveal such a thing to Melee, he truly thought she was a beautiful woman and he felt a sense of calm being near her. The pub he knew much of, he had been there a lot. His uncle Clarence owned the bar. Malice’s gloved hand grabbed hers with softness and walked up to the front and smiled as a bartender looked up and said.

“Malice, long time no see my nephew. Oooh who may this be?”
Clarence asked looking at Melee. Malice sat on a bar stool smiling as Melee sat down beside him and said

“This is Melee. She’s a friend of mine. Melee this is my uncle Clarence, he owns this place.” As he was introduced Clarence tipped his head down with a smile and said

“Pleasure to meet ya miss, can I get anything for ya both? It’s on the house.”

"Nice to meet you, I'll have a strawberry daiquiri please. Clarence brings the drink and walks off to tend to another customer. Melee turned to Malice

"Now let’s talk. Thank you for the save, those guards were so vulgar. I'm lucky you were outside my shop.”

"Right time right place besides I hate those guards; they should all die. I saw them murder a young child just for the fun of it and ever since then I’ve been determined to wreck as much havoc for Havoc and his guards. How’s that for irony. So tell me about yourself. "

“Well my mother died of the sickness when I was little, and two mysterious Guards killed my father 10 years back, leaving me to run the shop on my own. No siblings (Melee doesn’t know why she is telling him this. She normally is very quiet about her past.){Malice doesn’t know but Melee is part of the underground resistance trying to reclaim the kingdom and bring down the government that killed her father)

"What about you? Do you family besides Clarence?"

Malice had been gazing at Melee the entire time, memorized by her beauty.

"Well let me see, well I’m from the country of Gazre (gaz-ray), and my uncle is about the only family I have left, well there is my older brother, but you really do not wish to know about him. But yea, Clarence and my older brother are all I have left really. You see I was taken from my home when I was about 12, and was trained for almost 10 years and became a bounty hunter if that is how you wish to say it. I am a murderer, but the number one thing I seek right now, is revenge on a duo of men that murdered my parents in cold blood." When Malice remembered his parents being killed he tightened his fists with a growl and looked at the bar counter and said

"Melee I’m not a normal person as you think of me. I am part of a different race but my parents, older brother and I were the only Humans, Clarence is my earth guardian though. I do not mean to frighten you though but you are just so beautiful and in the short time I’ve known you, I feel like I can trust you.

(Melee pauses for a moment thinking it over and taking it all in.)

“Thank you and Earth Guardian? Who is this duo? Sorry I’m full of questions.

She asks these things as she thinks of the two mysterious guards that killed her father and several of her comrades. There was an attack on one of the military outposts a week ago and began to think that it was Malice who did it. As Malice answers she begins to think that he might be a valuable asset to the resistance.

She heard the sound of metal clanging faintly as Malice shifted his weight. She looked down at Malice’s waist seeing a long black sheath and knew it was a blade. Just as Malice was about to say something, they hear the loud sound of the guards knocking outside causing everyone in the room to panic. Malice growled and muttered,

“Rifka” under his breath. He stands up gripping his hilt but Melee grabbed his arm. Malice grabs her hand in his and whispers,

“Come if you will but do not get in my way.” They both travel to the back door as he throws it open Melee glanced at him as he drew out a long black hilted katana from the sheath upon his waist. His ears perked up much like a dog’s to a degree as he sniffed the air and stands in front of Melee crossing his Katana in front of him as he notices the military force ahead and several men from behind them in normal clothes shouting.

“Melee!”

Malice turns in confusion to Melee only to have the military shoot at him. The bullets ricochet off the katana’s hilt and harmlessly bounce off the pavement. Melee shoves Malice down behind a crate for cover.

“Those are the Rebels” Melee said

The military turns and takes cover in the alley from the fast approaching rebels. Shooting at both the rebels and the wanted criminal, they begin to look worried. One of them starts to draw out a radio but Melee sees him and throws a stone knocking it out of his hand and then throws another one killing the guard instantly.

A short-sandy haired rebel snuck over to Melee and Malice. As Malice turned to Melee the rebel held the tip of his blade against Malice’s throat and said vehemently and with concern in his voice,

“Who are you?! Melee, are you alright?”

“I’m fine Liam. This man is a friend. I’ll explain later. Let us deal with the guards first.”

Liam and Melee charge the guards from their side while the other rebels attacked from the other side. Melee kills half of them before Malice realizes she’s gone and comes into help.

After the guards were all dead and disposed of Malice turned to Melee and said

“I had to save you from two guards?”

Melee just smiled and giggled.

“Ahem”

It was Liam and the other rebels.
Liam stepped forward and asked
"Who is your mysterious friend Melee?"
Before Melee could introduce Malice, two guards sprang up from behind the crates where they had been hiding from the fight. Malice turned around quickly, as his fists tighten. Long sharp daggers ripped through the leather of his wrist cuffs there were two daggers on each wrist that seemed to spring from nowhere. He snarled and shouted "Fligra" as which Melee somehow knew stood for "Die." The daggers forced their ways into two guards. The daggers pierced their throats. The blood dripped off his daggers. He stood in an alien like attack stance and withdrew the daggers into his wrist cuffs again letting the guards drop to their death onto the ground. Malice turned around standing front of Liam and said with a slight smile,
"Greetings, I am Malice."
Before he could get any further Melee interrupted and said
"Not here let’s go back to headquarters. I want to introduce him to the council"
“Headquarters, council, him!!!” Liam exclaimed.
“Yes him”
“Are you crazy? Sorry Malice or whoever you are I’m really grateful and everything but. . .
“But nothing, listen I trust him, he already knows that we are rebels and his hatred of the guards is almost parallel of our own.
“Fine” Liam and the others led Malice to another ally and lifted a sewer drain.
“In there?” Malice asked
“Yes, it’s not as disgusting as you would think.” Melee said and with that they jumped down into the maze that was the sewage system.
After thirty minutes they ran into a dead end.
“What are we going to do now?” Malice asked
“Just wait for it.” Melee said.
One of the rebels knelt down in front of the wall and pushed in a stone. The dead end swung open revealing a huge cavern bustling with activity. People were everywhere laughing and mingling, a few of them stared at Malice as they went by. The smells danced around Malice’s nose. There was chicken pot pie from he assumed the kitchens and sweat from practice rooms. You could hear people fighting with bo staffs on the other side of doors.
Malice stood tall and veered about the headquarters. Liam led them to a simple room with banners hung all around the room;. Liam said

“I’m going to get the other council members”

After Liam had left Malice asked Melee,

“So tell me Melee more about the resistance and who is that man?”

“Liam? He’s been like an older brother to me ever since my parents died. My parents were both very active in the resistance. And after they died every one in the resistance took care of me, they became my family. The resistance was set up 20 years ago to overthrow Havoc and his men. They have controlled us for too long ruling us by fear. We are having trouble recruiting members because every one is so afraid. Would you possibly be interested on joining?

“That’s why I’m here isn’t. Maybe, I have a lead on my parent’s killers. I think they might be working for this man you call Havoc.”

“We’d be willing to help you”

“Then yes if you wish for me to then I will join.”

Just then Liam returned with the council members. There were 13 of them all total. They all greeted Melee and hugged her. As they sat down Melee introduced them.

“This is Raul” Melee said as she pointed to a big, hearty red faced man. He grunted a hello. “He’s our weapons master.”
“The pair of bald, monks are the twins Damian and Famian, they provide sanctuary for people and are responsible for most of the new recruits.

“Pleased to meet you.” They said.

“The brunette is Tailia; she’s in charge of food and supplies.” She nodded. The rough men on your right are Scipio and Bastian and pretty, widow like women are Nakita, Euryale and Cora and they are in charge of military actions.

“Hello” they said in unison. “The short, black haired woman is Dalicia she is charge of spy operations”, another nod. “The two old guys are Gabriel and Riker. And the old lady over there is Athena. Those three started the resistance. And you already know Liam.”

“Everybody this is Malice” said Melee

“Ok enough introductions, let us begin. I understand you think Malice would be a valuable asset to the resistance Melee.” said Gabriel.

“Yes, you can ask Liam Malice’s fighting skills are exceptional and his hatred for the guards is not unlike our own.”

“Perhaps we should let Malice tell us his story” said Athena.

Malice continued to explain where he was from and why he was here
“I am human but I was born of an Alien like warrior race. . .
After he finished Euryale said “Will you explain to us why you despise the guards so much?”
“Of course, it was when I first came here. I was taken in by Clarence and his family; they had an 8 year old daughter named Myuko at the time. One day Myuko was playing outside in the street and her ball rolled over and bumped into a guard’s shoe. The guard claimed that the ball scuffed his shoe; he killed Myuko without a second thought. I have been determined to cause as much trouble for the guards as I possibly can and now I have a lead on my parent’s killers. I think they might be working with or for Havoc. Which is not good for anybody, my parents were both exceptional fighters second to only me and my brother. If you want me to join your resistance then I will. I will do everything in my power to help you, but avenging my parents will be one of my top priorities.
“Understood” said Raul.
“Liam, could you please have someone escort Malice to a room for tonight?” asked Scipio.
After Malice had left the council debated on whether or not he would join.
“He does fight very well, and we do need more people.” Liam said.
“How do we know that he’s not a spy for Havoc?” Dalicia said
“We don’t, but I trust him” Melee said with sincerity.
“I’ll schedule for a practice run with him tomorrow” said Raul
“You really trust him Melee?” said Riker
“Yes”
“Very well he’s in; meeting adjourned” announced Gabriel.
“I’ll go tell him” said Melee
Melee went to Malice’s room and knocked.
“Come in” Melee opened the door and walked in. Malice was sitting on his bed.
“Hi there, guess what you are now almost officially in the resistance, Congratulations.” Melee said sitting on the bed beside him.
“Almost officially” Malice said.
“Well Raul wants to test your fighting skills tomorrow but other than that you’re in.
With that Melee kissed Malice good night and left for her room.