Icon of the day:
Ello! i just can't stay away from here for very long... -__-' Wow... i'm pathetic. *sighs*
well... i'm tired. Really tired and i would like to eat like 3000 packs of sugars right now. Just like the icon above... ^^
uh... i've not really been having a good time lately... -__- i've been kinda not myself these past few days... >_<
my dad is being... well... allright since basically all of you don't know the story i shall tell you. Feel loved about this... i don't really tell people.
okay... when i was little... my parents got a divorce. (and i mean i was really little and barely remember anything.) So... well, what happened was is that my dad took me from my mom and we when to live with my grandma. now my grandma on my dad's side is a bitch. (and i'm serious about this. when i talked to her the other day she didn't even say i love you when we got off the phone with each other.) now, well my grandma wouldn't let my mom inside the house so she could see me and it was like that for two years and finally she got me back. >_< well, my dad never really got over it but it was his fault to begin with... so i don't really understand him. BUT... anyways... after a couple years (when i was about 7) my dad stopped coming to get me every other weekend and soon stopped coming to get me at all. he moved to albany Ny which is about 8 hrs. from here and i barely ever see him. and now he blames me for just about everything and he does the same to my mom. anyways now he won't pay the child support and we don't have that much money or anything and we're basically living off those checks!!! ARGH!!!!! >_<
anyways..... you probably don't want me to go on and on about that so i'll stop.
So... lately my dad's being an ass. I'm having mental metldowns on a daily basis because i swear i have issues or something... and i've been feeling like i'm worth nothing and totaly useless to everyone around me. i've been having problems with school. no one really talks to me because i'm new and the couple kids i have made friends with don't... i dunno... they seem like they don't care about me at all. So i feel shity and messed up.
on a happier note (i guess) i wrote some more poems for you guys. that's really what i wanted you guys to comment on and stuff but i went off on a raging tangent... -__- i've been doing that a lot lately.
well then..... here they are....
i have so much time in class to write these... :D
Love is Suicide,
Want to know why?
Because it blinds
your eyes!
You don't see
They're hurting you,
Until the very end.
And then it's too late,
You've allready opened up the gate.
The gate that will
Soon lead to your hate.
People call me strange,
But how can you lable me,
When you're all the same?
Skeleton hiding in my closet,
How scary you're still
haunting me.
What have i done to desreve
all of this?
Are you still upset that i
Ended up killing you in the end?
Faeries hiding in the forest,
Faeries hiding behind
The trees.
Faeries give me some
Magic please.
I want to become
As small as you so that
I may twirl on the petals
Of the flowers that mean death.
Sweet painless death,
How swift you come to me.
You come so fast,
I could hardly see!
Floating in the air,
Suspended from the ground,
I watch as the world goes round.
No on notices how far i an away,
But the again,
No one cares anyway.
Kill me,
Kiss me,
Love always
Develops from
The dark.
Looking though the glass,
Trying to find who i am.
Wondering how much time has passed,
Sitting all alone inside
This dying head.
The stars twinkling around the
Bright pale full moon,
Look so alive up in the dark sky.
They dance and pretend
Nothing's wrong with the world.
He said:
"You mean nothing to me."
And i asked:
"why?"
He rolled his eyes
And looked up at the sky.
"We were never anything,
You and I."
The world is scary.
Everything that was
Important to me,
Was taken from me.
It's insane,
That i would even
Think you were
Something to me.
But who am i fooling?
No one,
That's who.
I can't forget you,
I love you again
Far too soon.
You make me so hot,
I'm starting to sweat.
I can't get this
Feeling off my chest.
I see you,
I freeze.
Yet i'm melting inside.
But, really,
Who am i?
No one special,
Just a girl you're
Making melt inside.
No one cares,
I'm in that dark spot again.
No worries,
I'll just die,
Alone again.
Am i living?
You truly think so?
Well,
Let's see on the inside.
Nope,
Nothing alive here.
You didn't just hurt me,
My dearest of all loves.
No,
You completely
DESTROYED ME.
How does that make you feel?
But wait,
You feel nothing.
Not love or hate.
Dearest of all loves,
Oh how you make me fly.
I fly the highest
In these skies.
But, it's only
When i sit next to you.
If you're gone,
I'm gone as well.
For my brain comtinues
To search for you
Inside these painfull
MEMORIES.
Crushed and Broken,
But life goes on.
Why is it that
The light isn't on?
No one cares,
No one's there,
And i'm too close
To floating in the air.
Why should i dare
To give a care?
No one's there,
Why should i care?
But i do care,
Because i'm all alone.
Standing along the cliff's edge,
Staring down at the sea,
Hoping to see you,
Looking out for me.
I get really to jump,
My arms spread out wide.
Suddenly i feel arms
Wrappend around my sides.
I look back,
It's you that i see.
Oh how i love you,
You're allways there for me.
You were there,
And now you're gone.
Why is it allways this way?
I find someone i love,
And then...
They just go away.
"The sword i'm holding
Will always protect you,"
You once said to me.
But then if that
Is so true...
Why is it now
Going threw me?
I carved out my
Slow beating heart
And gave it to you.
You promised you would
Keep it safe for me.
But why are the
Promises always broken?
Because now you're
Stabbing it to get back at me.
Am i such a pain
That i mean nothing to you?
You've got no room
In your heart to care?
If that's so,
Screw this life.
I'll go where i'm wanted.
When i leave,
I don't go far.
When you go,
You go so far.
There's always
a difference
In our hearts.
Broken, Hurt, Pain,
This is all that i hate.
But what i hate
is part of me,
And this is what
I'll always be.
And my favorite one!! :
School sucks,
All alone.
Never fit in,
Always told.
Failure,
Hurt.
Just for show,
Sing to that radio.
Holy shitcakes batman...
THAT WAS LONG!!! >_<
i'm sorry about such a long post!
BUT PLEASE COMMENT!!!
^___^
**Dark-San**
~TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE I CAN LOVE~
Hey guys! Please Comment!! ^^