Icon of the day:
Well... right now i really shouldn't be on here...
It's about 12:20 in the morning... :D
Homecoming sucked ass... -__-*
But, we did win 7 to 0 at the football game! ^^ That was the only good thing about tonight... er... today... >_<
The dance afterwards was the worst... -__- *sighs* and it's completely obiouvs that the guy i like really doesn't like me... and vow never to speak him name.... because... it just fxxxs everything up in a friendship. But i don't even know if you can call it a friendship!!! >_< i just kinda tag along with them becasue i don't know anyone!!!! ARGH!!!! -__-
So i'm in a really shitty mood. I feel hopeless, worthless, invisable, and pretty damn fxxxed up.
My mom said she's gonna get me "help"! She didn't even try to say theripist or something... you know, you'd think she'd try to be nice about it but... NO. She's like: "i think i'll try to find you some help. someone you can talk to." at the same time i'm thinking: "what the hell is wrong with me!?!"
But tonight i sort of realized it...
I drag the other people that i'm with down along with myself. i've been staying away from most people. i REALLY REALLY hate large groups of people. I'd rather sit by myself and watch others hang out with their friends instead of being with my own. I SERIOUSLY can't dance. I have problems with other people. i HATE people. I don't want to live. i'm sick of everything. i WANT to hurt myself so i can feel something besides this hurt inside my chest. i REALLY REALLY want the boy i like to be my boyfriend. i'm only living so that my mom won't be alone. I care too damn much for my own good. NO ONE likes me. i HATE myself. i think i'm TOO fat to be loved. (i hate all you damned skinny mini's who think you're all so damn hot just because you can see your own damn hip bones. you mother-fers... i hate you all) i feel like i CAN'T be LOVED because i'm fairly over-weight. I want to JUMP off a bridge.
SO AS YOU CAN TELL I'M CLEARLY FxxxED UP...
AND I NEED TO SEE SOMEONE SO I CAN TALK ABOUT MY DAMN PROBLEMS...
AND I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME BESIDES MY MOM...
I DON'T CARE IF I LIVE ANYMORE.
I NEED HELP...
i tried cutting myself the other day. mom hasn't noticed yet... no one's noticed yet. I'm invisable and no one cares...
Maybe you guys can cheer me up somehow...
but i seriously doubt it...
i should get to bed. i need sleep. But i CAN'T sleep. i haven't been able to in about a year and a half now... and i swear if my kitten cries for me one more time....
-___-*****
i can't stand anything right now. i'm hurt terribly.
I want to slow dance with a boy. i wanna feel loved by a boy. i wanna be kissed by an boy. i want to hold hands with a boy. i want to be held by a boy. I WANT TO FEEL LOVED BY A BOY.
my mom says that's only because i don't have my dad in my life... i don't care about that jackass bastard that means nothing to me but that fact that he's a sperm doner for my life. this pathchtic life that means nothing to anyone else.
well... this is getting extremly long... an i know you guys don't want to be dragged down any further into a depressed mood... because i tend to do that to people i guess.
so.... yeah.
By the way. i'll have more poems up soon. i know you guys all "LOVE" to read them...
-__- *sigh*
**Dark-San**
~TRYING TO FIND SOMEONE I CAN LOVE~
