Saturday, August 19, 2006

I Fear My Other Half . . .
OH NO NOT AGAIN!! Before I write what I really wanted to write in, I have to ask someone like Edge or Zero if they can help me with my post again. This time it was my fault cause I just wanted to take off that video that I had up for so long but then this happened!! THIS MAKES ME SO MAD!! So if you it wouldn't be too much trouble I would aprishiate it.

Now back to what I really wanted to say. . . Well, I've been thinking a lot about my relationshipe with David (Dead Leaves) lately and I've come up to my worst fear. . . I don't want to hurt him. . . It's not like I want to break up with him; not at all, it's just, knowing how I really am I fear that I will end up hurting him. Why do I fear this? Well, it's the simple fact that my other half is starting to come out more and more. I hate my other half so much; all she is, is a tramp and a selfish brat that doesn't care for others. I've made the mistake of letting her walk aroud as me for almost a year in the past and distroy my reputation. Ever sence then I've kept her sealed up deep within me, not letting her see a strip of light, but some how she always manages to come out without me knowing till it's too late. So whenever David and I are alown together I can feel her manipulating me. Lots of people will say that's just teenage hormones, but it's not cause the way she is is disgusting. The second she's satified, she leaves the person behind without a second thought. I can't do that! I love David, but I don't want to hurt him! I'll addmit that she's a part of me, but I fear her becomeing me. What I have done with David is nothing more than what I have done with other boys in the past (not sex if that's what your thinking, she hasn't gone that far). I just fear that I will become what I have been expected to become by others in the past. . . I had a boyfriend whom I loved dearly but his mother was so horrible. The way she stared down at me and spoke to me, she didn't even want to. I was even told by his friends that his mother hated who I am just because I was Puerto Rican and the bad expirience she had in the past with a Puerto Rican. His brother also told me this and even my boyfriend himself. "They're all the same!" she said "She'll just leave you just like the rest of them! That bitch!" I guess I'm just afraid of proving that she was right. I know of the bad reputation that Puerto Rican's carry, but that doesn't mean that we're all the same. . .
That's enough blahbing on for today. Thanks to those whom have taken the time to read this sorry excuse for a post. I guess I just needed to express my feelings. I just hope that David doesn't read this; I'd rather tell it to his face then let him find out like this. I'll talk to you guys later. . .
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