Sunday, April 16, 2006

   He is risen!
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Saturday, April 15, 2006

   it's so nice and warm outside ^_^, lol yea i kno dat was kinda random but im rly happy cas now its gonna b warm like almost all the time, and daz good cas i hate cold (probly cas i dont beleive in coats lol) my momma just left so i can b on the comp for a while ^_^ im kinda bored tho so das y i posting this shit, i just spent 45 minutes playing with my hair the result of which is creepy i dont no how i can b so bored i mean i've only been awake since 12:30 w/e i mite post l8r bye!
~becca~
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Tuesday, April 11, 2006

   blue october-hate me
I try to block out thought of you so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home

There's a buring in my pride a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? It is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

I’m sober now for three whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight

You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “how can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you want for you, will you never call again?




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Saturday, April 8, 2006

   i rly dont like subjects
hey people, im a very happy person today, i'm pretty much the usual becca mood swings aside lol i think im slowly going back to my old punk self putting my emo back in the back of my head or heart or whereever our inner emoness cums from. i had an interesting friday nite, i didnt go to south side like planned instead i hung around sherden with a 7th grader named calvin, then sumhow we ended up at the mall with maggie, it was kool i got new arm warmers and a new wallet, now i need a few more chains for it lol, sum dood at spencers came up to us and was all like "i my name is (insert name) how can i help u" but he said it like an autistic person, and for a minute i was quiet and i went to say ok, thanx but he was like chill out im just kidding, and then maggie was like "she was just amazed that sumone talked to her" and he laffed so i went "u mean he was talking to me!?" in this really happy voice and hugged maggie and was like "yay sumbody talked to me!" crisis avoided i almost seemed rly mean O.O ne way then maggie had to go to sweets frum heaven and me and calvin started messing with her calling her momma and mummy, and calvin was like "mommy! buy me this or i'll scream!" ne way i guess me and calvinare related now cas maggies our mom idk O.o im doing all my chores now cas my poppa told me to, calvin said he mite drop by l8r today, idk his number but hes got my cell# i think w/e lol im feeling sorta detached frum the wrld rite now and i guess thats a good thing bcas im feeling good, yay retardedness, spell check ne one? lol coment pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezz
im out 4 now
~becca~
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Tuesday, April 4, 2006

   blog
i dont mean to whine but why is it everytime i make a blog or something either nobody comments or my site becomes lonley and destroyed? my pride and joy that i worked on so hard was ruined by an accident that site is abandoned now, and this one gets no hits ever. why? w/e im being a lame so ima quit dat.
i had a very intereting day yesterday, and feel like a fool becas i cried in front of ppl, isnt amazing how humans are drawn to tears? i think its bloody disgusting, its just another bodily fluid, somebody sees blood alover ur cheeks they'll run away, i no ppl meant no harm to me but my god if it doesnt make me ill! i honestly think that they simpoly want to seem like good people and caring friends when they're really just two faced losers! u think i cant tell the difference? well ur wrong dears! ur more transparent than a jelly fish ur spineless and mindless like one too! lol, i cant stand it thus one girl actually stood there after asking meh wats wrong and said oh we're such good friends, well luv i dont see how so considering u found out we were going to the same highschool and sighed and looked so unhappy i thought U mite cry! haha i wish u would have, perhaps i will make u cry one way or another i think i could, wouldnt that b lovley tausha dear, to see u crying how about gasping for breath? oh yes that would b very nice! to have ur own sobs choke u would b quite satisfing indeed ^_^, now i think i mite b scaring people but let me tell u something there probably isnt ne thing to wry about i get this way sometimes, infact quite often almost like another side of me, i find it quite, interesting. now then the uncaring becca aparently does have feelings but lets not have it b misunderstood that i have feelings for NE 1 but the few friends i have myself god and possibly most importantly rite now luke. so dont think im going to start showing mercy on anybody or caring about anything i dont want to, ur tears wont make me care for u unless i want to, tho blood on ur cheeks mite intrest me ^_^
*licks lip*
im out my friends
~becca~
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Friday, March 31, 2006

   dont feel vry happy rite now but its rainin and dats good
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Monday, March 27, 2006

   rly happy
hi im rly happy rite now, i feel like i'm standin on my roof in the middle of a summer breeze, or dancing in a warm rain, i feel like im being held by sumone who luvs meh. i see olive green and ash blue, i see pretty colors of gray, i feel faeries in the air, and i smell sweetness everywhere, i feel like a little girl submerged in her favorite fantasy storie, i feel simple and complex at the same time. i feel like me.
~becca~
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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

   yippie!
I'm becca and becca is smiling right now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Monday, March 20, 2006

   i dont even no
i have no idea wat im feeling rite now im between depressed, happy and sleepy. i mean i have NO idea wats going on, i feel rly bad about today bcas today lucas finally came back to skool and i was SO fucking happy i mean really happy, which was kool cas i aint used to feeling like that but i acted kinda cold bcas i was kinda nervous i mean i dont no why. i act like a total ass at skool and for some reason i think maybe i shouldnt be such a bitch when im by him and then i dont know.... he was on aim but logged off after i said hi, probly an accident i dunno..... my kimono came in the mail its in my room it smells like perfume which is kool cas its neat to think the chixor who made it wore that kind u know? like it was froma frind and not some chick we found on e-bay..... my head hurt today and i felt really warm all day which is weird as well, but i took my normal meds. about 5 minutes ago and feel ok now, i guess this post is rly long but thats wat im supposed to do rite? thats probly why none ever commnets cas i dont write wat im supossed to.......i mostly post the same stuff on my livejournal as i do on here with a few differences cas i hate retyping so i mostly cut and paste and shit...... i have to go sign some gbs or sumthing cas none ever comments...... T-T w/e g2g bye-yas
more peace to ya
im out
~becca~
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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

   what i hold onto
i hold on to the color olive green when its pale and gray blue and the faded photo memories that lay dusty in my corners i hold onto people i love, i hold onto the promise of god and i hold onto the melodies that cram every inch of my airspace with shouts and screams, i hold onto the smell of her perfume and the beauty no one understands, i hald onto dried tears that fell down like the rain, i hold onto my secret thoughts, and special box, and everything that no one understands, i hold onto the plastic scent ans the computer hum and everything no one will ever understand,
things no one will ever no a part of me i dont want to lose, but mite forget, a me that isnt me, a me that is her,and always will be her, a me that never can be me because i do not exist and perhaps thats wat fucks everything up in the end because how can i be becca if becca has always been melissa and melissa has never noticed that becca never seemed to be becca, so if becca isnt real and melissa is in rehab then who.....who ...am i?

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