Tuesday, November 1, 2005

   I so scared...
Maybe I am just being a damned baby... I dunno. But I am scared anyways. Can ya blame me? Things have gotten better, it would seem. My mom actually let me go trick-or-treating last night, with my usagi. It was fun. But I was still constantly haunted by the thought that Heather was sitting in her house, waiting for her strange little love-sick koi to come to her arms... and she never came. I don't think I am good enough to be by her side, if this much has happened and gone wrong... I just hope she does not feel the same. I love her so goddamned much. Honto ni. I am nearly shaking right now, because I can't be with her. I am so distraught, because I can't know NOW that she's alright with everything. I have hurt her so.

But if twas up to me, I would be with her. Definitely. I would be falling asleep in her arms at this very moment, curled up on her couch.

Goddamn it, I have to talk to her! ><

There are more things that have occurred in the past two days that I would care not to repeat. I might have to, only because I might just go insane if I keep it to myself. Jen knows pretty much everything, because she is (as she put it) the "mastermind" behind this entire fiasco. My mom is very angry with her at the moment, and even though she might be trying to keep her from me, I will still see Jen almost everyday. We work together. She lives not 10 minutes walking distance from where we both work. She's my friend; even if my mom does not see it that way.

If I had it my way, everything would be better. I would be with my koi, but I would not be risking my relationship with my entire family either. I was faced with an ultimatum: either leave the house and never come back, or stay at the house and work things out. I chose to stay. As much as I love my pharaoh and adore her and all that, I would rather not have to chose between a few short-liuved days with the girl I love, than a lifetime of dissownership from my family.

My mom knows of my "lesbianism" now. But she fails to admit it. She says it is all because I have low self esteem and have been hurt by people (mostly men) in the past. That's why I have grown attached to Heather and believe myself to be in love. That's bullshit, right there. I believe that my father's dysfunctional ways might have had a LITTLE to do with what I am today in the way of sexuality; but me distrusting men does not account for the attraction I have for women. And my mom just believes Heather "conveniently" discovered her feelings right after I graduated.

I KNOW I would be paranoid this, as well. I am dead certain of it. But I also trust Heather. There have been times when I have perhaps questioned her honesty and existance in the past... but that was a long time ago. And it's not possible that she's not who she says she is. It's just not. I know my mom has cause for worry and concern... but keeping me from my pharaoh, and accusing me of being mislead is not the right way to go about it.

. . . I have been so freakin' stressed out lately, too. Even with Heidi, there were things that constantly kept Heather on my mind; even if I wanted to just break away from it for a while. At Heidi's grandmother's house, we watched "Dracula: Dead and Loving It". That is a movie Heather promised to show me when we met, since I had not seen it before. There were SO many reminders, that I thought I would go mad. And waiting for a response is keeping me insane, at the moment. I am a worried wreck, here by myself. I can't distract myself, because everything is Heather. I am worried that something is amiss, and that I have done something to hurt her. This is not OBSESSION, like my mother claims; this is NORMAL HUMAN EMOTION. This is LOVE and DEVOTION and CARING.

I want everything to be okay. I will keep fighting to make everything okay. Because I want to be with her. And I also want it to be under the BEST of circumstances.

I love you, Heather. Always. Please remember that!

Ja ne.
~Naruki
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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

   Highway to Hell
I spent the night at Jenneth's apartment. I watched Sealab2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force. I never had too much interest in either... but they were funny. Her fiancé has the first three seasons of both shows. Staying there was... interesting. I still felt a little weird. First off, I talk to Jen's bf, but I don't consider him a "friend". Plus, them being together and me being... well... there and being me... I felt a little outta place.

Just a little. XD But it was fun, overall. I was just so tired and zoned out... twas awful.

The REAL reason I am writing is to honor my friends that have helped me out over the past four days or so. None of them (except Heather) will read this, but I still want everyone else to know how grateful I am for helping me. They are: Jonouchi, Fuji (or "the otha Yuugi"), Momiji, Jenneth, Kassi, John-John, Delores, Felicia, Amy-san and if there is anyone else, I apologize. But I don't remember. I saved the best for last, though: HEATHER was the one who helped me out more than the rest, but I think Jou-kun was not too far behind.

I shall explain, in the "condensed" version. I have told the unabridged version to so many people so many times, that I don't feel like repeating it. ^__^;; So forgive me, okay? ^__^

I was planning to go out to LA to see my koi, but my kaa-san discovered this. I am still not sure EXACTLY how, but I have an inkling. Either way, she forbode me to go. I understand where she's coming from. I know it sounds ludicrus and dangerous in this day-and-age. But I trust Heather. As I'm sure everyone does. ^^ I know what she looks like (and she is OH-so CU~~TE! =^__^=), I talk to her on the phone (and have her voice etched in my heart =^__^=), I have known her a long time. She is, actually, the ONLY online friend that I have stayed in touch with continuously for over a year. And I know this is because I am so attached and connected with her. ^__^

But before I get TOO carried away, I will continue with the background:

I was sobbing INSANELY as I told my kaa-san all about the girl who has captured my heart. I couldn't even stop crying when she dropped me off at work. It was a good thing that was more than half an hour before I had to punch in, because I was still so upset. But all my friends there helped me. I told Delores what was wrong, and she was so supportive; just standing there and listening. She didn't object to anything, and just stayed silent. Jounouchi came up to me and hugged me after saying, "What's wrong, baby?" When I told her, she FLIPPED. She was so outraged at the whole ordeal. But she was so supportive, trying to make me feel better. She even put up with me nearly clinging to her, because I needed to hug someone so much. Fuji-chan listened to my plight and again, when she called later, she made sure to ask if I was feeling better. Felicia helped me by listening and also supplied her own parental objective to the scenario. Momiji helped by calling, once she found out (from her mom) that my kaa-san knew. She said she called "just to say hi" but when I told her what had happened, she said, "Yeah, I know..." xD So she called to check in on me. *hugs her usagi* Arigatou, Momo-chan~!

Kassi and John were different. Kassi happened to call later that night and, after (once again) repeating the circumstances, told me she would stop by and visit me. When she showed, she looked so drained and tired. I asked why she hadn't just gone home and slept. She replied: "Because I'd rather you be happy, than me be well-rested."

^__^

Kassi's so sweet. ^__^

John didn't even know he helped. Before leaving, I made sure to tell him I was so happy he came by. He just gave me a weird look and said, "...okay..." xD His appearance was COMPLETELY unexpected by everyone. He was the only one who knew nothing of the occurances. Which is one reason I was so happy he decided to show at that time. ^^

But, more important (I think) than all this, was Heather's call that night. I was crying when I answred the phone, and at numerous times it was so bad that I was shaking. But she made me feel better. Even if I was still depressed my plan had fallen through, she helped me through it. Without her aid, I would still be so depressed over this ordeal. *hugs her koi* You mean more to me everyday, my kawaii koneko. You have absolutely NO idea. I love you; and I don't care how naive that sounds, or how stupid. I still love you. Forever.

But... I have to stop, because my right arm is feeling cramped up. Maybe I have arthritis...? Or I'm just cold? Either way, it is annoying me, and affecting my typing. So I shall take my leave. Before I do venture out, I would like to (again) thank Jonouchi. Even after that horrid day, she has still looked out for me. I am completely blown away by this fact, because she was one of the last people I would expect to be so caring about this.

It's amazing. *hugs Jou-kun, even though she shoots a deathglare at her* Thank ya!! You rock! ^__~

LATAH!!
Daisuki,
Naruki
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Thursday, September 29, 2005

   Away from the World... And Ain't Comin' Back
Wow... what a sophisticated title for a post. -_- I am brilliant. -_-

Heehee.

HEY~! Long time, no post, eh? I know many people seem not to care... I don't, really. Does that make me a bad person? Yaoishoujo feels guilty when she doesn't post; I'm just like, "whatever...". She has really good friends on this site, though. So I understand. ^__^ Me, I'm a bit of a wallflower. ^__^ But thas okay, nee? I have Yaoishoujo. And that's all I really care about. =^__^=

I have been posting on LJ for a little while. Nothing ever exciting. No one comments on my LJ posts. I only know three other people there: Yaoishoujo, and my friends Goku and Jonouchi. Jonouchi I am losing a friendship with, I believe, and Goku is too wrapped up in Goku-World to post. I know what that's like. XD But I suppose that's okay. I'll live. XD No biggie. XD

Okey-then. For the half a person who is faintly interested in what I have to say, I will continue writing. The only reason I am on right now is to fill out a financial aid paper... but I seem to have lost it. Which SUCKS. But, what my kaa-san dun know won't hurt her, right? *crosses her fingers and mumbles* Hopefully.

~ME POST!~

I have secured Momiji! Again! We have been out-of-touch for several weeks because of work, driver's ed. and school, and we could NEVER get together. We finally did last weekend! It was great, too! I had to work until seven, so she came to pick me up with her kaa-san to drive into Auburn and see "Corpse Bride". When she came in the store, we nealry screamed like fangirls when we saw each other, and we ran up and hugged tightly. Her shoulder hit my throat ever-so-slightly, so it was sore for a moment. We laughed about it. Jen-kun gave me this sudo-death glare when she saw us. I really don't think she likes Momiji, as much as she tries to deny it. Jen's boyfriend/fiancée-dude is convinced Momo and I are dating. Which is insane on several different levels. But he's helpless. And a moron. ^__^

Anyhoo. Before I ended my shift, I ran across the street to the pharmacy, because they have cool costumes there for Halloween; stuff I could not find at the dollar store. I found kitty ears and a butterfly outfit, which I bought for the wings. Momo and I wore the kitty ears and butterfly-headband in the mall before going to the movies. We chased her mom around, who tried to run away. She kept saying, "Get away from me, you freakish children!" but we ran after her and said, "But we LOVE you, mommy!" XD Twas the best. XD

As for the movie... IT FRIGGIN' ROCKS!!! I have to see it again! I keep trying to con Nichole into taking me, but she isn't a Tim Burton fan. If all else fails, I could beg Katie to go with me. Even though she's probably seen it fifty times. XD If it's still out over Halloween, I could see it with Amy in Boston. Woo-hoo!

I don't know how many people will read this and have read Yaoishoujo's recent post, but it's true: I am going to see her in November. I made a promise to see her by the end of the year (more so a promise to myself) and I have made a mid-year resolution to keep al my promises. I hate the guilty feeling of breaking them. ;_; So I AM going to see her. Plus, I have the BEST cover story, thanks to Jonouchi and Jen. I will tell y'all, in case you have any advice. It might need some touch-ups to be perfectly secure:

I am going to Boston/Salem for Halloween, spending the night with my friends Amy and Sally. Originally, it was supposed to be me, Amy, Jen, Sally and Casey, but Casey and Jen have bills with their new apartment, and things don't look great for them being able to make the trip. Regardless, I am going! ^__^ Since it is trick-or-treating, we would be out fairly late. Amy said I could stay at her dorm for the night. I have arranged to fly out to LA the next day, to be with my koi for two/three days. My cover story is to tell my kaa-san that Amy has invited me to stay with her a few extra days in Boston. Jou-kun says, since Amy is in college, she would have spiratic classes throughout the day. I could just say I would hang around Boston and in the museums/whatnot until Amy is outta class. If ANYONE has any ideas to improve this, it would be much appreciated! It doesn't hurt to be a little too careful, does it? ^__^

I have an account on Yahoo360, too! Y'all should check it out! My name is "yuugi_aibou". If nothing else, ya should go for the pics. They're so awesome~~~! There are a LOT of Gackt (cuz he's so pretty!) and L'Arc~en~Ciel, if you like them. There are a few Kuraki Mai and Tamaki Nami and Hamasaki Ayumi, as well as Dir en Grey... and a lot of anime ones. ^__^ Like Daisuke/Dark and Atemu/Yuugi. =^__^= If you have time, check out Momiji's, too. I'm not sure she has much on there, but it's still Momiji. ^__^

If anyone likes fanfics, please read mine! I have not posted one in a while, but the last YGO one I did was REALLY good and sweet, because both me and Yaoishoujo wrote it. Only she reviewed. Please do! I accept anonymous reviews, too! My site is: www.fanfiction.net/~narutosenpai

THANK YA!

I love you all! ^__^ You rock! ^__^

Daisuki,
Naruki


PS. Today is my nee-chan's 20th birthday. KOWAI~~! However, today is ALSO mine and Yaoishoujo's second month anniversary. =^__^= Happy-happy-happy~~!
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Thursday, September 8, 2005

   ...Ah, the power of LO--VE!
Ah... my wonderful koi... She is above the most wonderful of all creatures on this planet. Or in the universe.

Most of you know, anyway, because the main comments I receive come from her. But she wrote a post, asking anyone for help in my aid. I want to thank her for all the kindness she has shown me. Even when I do not deserve it, she is there for me to love and care for me. *feels giddy* How much I love her... Hokage, Ra, Buddha, they know nothing of how deep my affection flows for this girl. She is unmatched by ANYONE, and as perfect as an angel from the heavens. Although we are so far apart, it helps a little that I hold something she once held, so it is an indirect contact... but a contact, nonetheless. ^__^ Someday, I promise, we will be one together. Hell, if Atemu and Yuugi could be seperated by 5,000 years, me and my koi can be seperated by 3,000 miles, right? *laughs* At least the two of us are in the same time period!!

...Then again... Egypt's really cool, man. And Atemu and Yuugi shared the same body, so they were ALWAYS together. *sulks*

BUT WE STILL HAVE 3,000 MILE DISTANCE! And 3,000 beats 5,000! Hahaha! *laughs in the (real) pharaoh's face, as if proving her point. He stares at her, scared*

Heehee. Ah, well... I have to go and try to call that pharaoh of mine. I don't really have anything to tell her (besides saying "I love you" continuously and feeling warmth engulf my body ^_^). But just talking to her... closing my eyes and hearing her beyond-angelic voice... it makes me so incredibly giddy. ^___^

So, for now, ja ne!! Thank you all for posting a reply and trying to help me! I am a lot better than I was yesterday! Yokusoku! And with Heather, I can only get better! =^__^=
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Wednesday, September 7, 2005

Self Hatred Ommiting from a Small Priest
I hate myself. Thoroughly. And it's not so much my personality that I am having issues with, but my thoughts and uncontrollable feelings that piss me off.

Allow me to explain *formal for a pissed off priest*:

First, there is Yami (AKA Nichole). I went to school today to be a shadow to my shinyou, Momiji. Yes, even though I have graduated. I was exicted for this... forgetting (of course) how much hate I have towards that building and it's student population. More than I have towards my workplace. >_< So... anyway... fuirst period was kinda fun, cuz I hung out with Momo and Justin-chan, and I even got to see Goku-kun. SECOND period was the worst. I ditched and walked out halfway through. Hell, I didn't have to be in school, anyway. But I was not with Momiji. She had math, and I did not want to be there. I wanted to go see Yami in chorus. So when I got to the music room, I said "Hi, Yami" before going over to Sam-Sam. That stupid damned woman... *growls* She turned to see me, but completely blew me off to talk to Brie. If that was not enough, I stayed a little while longer (for Sam) and Nichole did not so much as LOOK at me. I was about ready to cry, but instead of feeling like a damned fool in front of a bunch of younger kids, I got pissed. Up until I finally said goodbye to Sam and left.

*heavy sigh*

I do not like Yami anymore. Well... I LIKE her, sure, but even though I am in love with someone else (and dating that person), there are some unsolved issues with my feelings for Yami. It might take a while for me to get over her completely. Since she's my friend, I think that might take longer. Plus, I had a HUGE-ass crush on her for about two years. I still do... if only a little. I would never cheat on Heather-chan. Ever. But Jen even said that me being upset over her ignoring me made sense; because I HAD liked Nichole for so long.

But Yami is not the only reason. It deals with Jonouchi, too (yes, another YGO cosplayer). I was pissed today because she ignored me to go talk to Jen. I was so upset that I started mentally beating myself up, like that time Amy came to see all of us, but left me to talk to Jen. Finally, I freaked and just turned off my light at my register and had to walk around the store to "clear my head". When I went on break a little after five, Jou came in the break room with Alicia. They talked for a while until Alicia got back to work. Joey stayed and talked to me, listening to me talk. It made me feel a hell of a lot better. Yet... when she left at seven, she ignored Kassi and me, and said goodbye to Jen before leaving. She COULD have said goodbye and I simply did not hear, but I don't think that was the case. I was upset about that, as well as the thing with Yami.

What freaked me out came a little later. I saw Jonouchi's new boyfriend in GMP and I tensed up and my eyes narrowed. I saw him this morning while following Momiji to math, and the same reaction occurred. What does this MEAN? Normally, I would automatically believe that I had a crush on her, but I am not too sure that is the case here. First off, she is not really "my type" and secondly, I look up to her more than have feelings for her. It's stupid, because she's a year younger, and I look up to her *sighs heavily* Taku...

I am so lost. And now that I am confused over these feelings for Yami and Jonouchi (and animosity towards Jou's koiboto), that is added to new found feelings of worry over my own koi. Will she hate me becaudse I feel this way? Will she get annoyed? Will this hurt her? Thousands of feelings float through my mind, and I can't seem to vent any of them. I tried with Jen, but that only seemed to bring MORE uncertain feelings. *cries into her arms* I wish I knew!!! I don't know what I am thinking, I am so stressed out and confused. To top that all off, I have to concentrate on Driver's Ed. and I hate work... I need a damned release somehow. I am afreaid I will snap if I don't get help soon. Maybe this could help... maybe not. But I feel as if I am spiraling downwards again and it is only a matter of time before I break and things get worse.

Help me. Onegai? I want my koi. I want her to hug me and hold me in her arms, telling me everything will be okay. I can't have that, though. I just don't want to suffer alone. Please help. In ANY way. And soon.
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Friday, September 2, 2005

HELP ME!!!
I have a favor to ask... I can not spend too much time online because I feel "ugh" and don't really want to. But I will explain me dilemna.

I hate where I am right now. Well, "Hate" is a strong word. I just want out. I want something different. Preferably in the Boston-area. The only thing I am having problems with is HOW to go about this. I don't know how to search for an apartment, I don't know how to do anything of the sort, really. &*nervous laughter* As gas prices soar and things go down hill for people in my social class (middle-lower class is what we are looking at right now ^__^;;), I just don't want to stay in this place where there is no where to go. I figure that I have lived here long enough and I have gotten as much out of this place as I can.

...

Regardless of the reason, I just want out. So if ANYBODY whatsoever can give me little scraplets of information, it would be much appreciated.

Arigatou gozaimasu.

~Naruki
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Monday, August 1, 2005

   GAH!
Hey~~! I have been bouncing around for the past few days because they are filming a movie for "Rent". Does anyone know that? I am so impatient!! One of my close friends, Goku, is pissed because she thinks everyoen will think they know all about it because of a movie. That makes since. Like people thinking they know everything about "Phantom of the Opera" or "Harry Potter" or "Lord of the Rings" because they have seen the movies.

But "Rent" is different. "Rent" is my FAVORITE Broadway (and, yes, I HAVE seen it for real-- in New York City, a street over from Times Square, I believe it was) ever! The movie has Jesse L. Martin cast as Tom Collins :faints in happiness: I am so psyched!!! I HEART that man! =^__^=

Okay, I doubt anyone is reading this anymore, but in case they are, I have something more important to say, than bitching because I am too impatient to see Jesse Martin as Collins. I HAVE A KOI~~! I have had one before; this girl named Katie. But THIS koi is special. This one is so special that even I can NEVER hope to hide my feelings for her. I jump around excitedly and snuggle close to the stuffed animals she has given me. Even when my best friend spent the night a few nights ago, she kept shooting me weird looks because I refused to let go of the inu she sent me. Me and Momo (my shinyou) watched "Hide and Seek" and we were scared. I was squeezing the inu so much to keep myself from freaking out.

Ahem.

Anyway, ever since my koi admitted her love, I have found so many more reasons to be estatically happy. Love truly is a sour-sweet feeling (they said that on "Vanilla Sky); I am so psyched and in love, but I am sad because I can not always be near her or talk to her. But I find myself (even at work) zoning out when I think of her and just dance over to shoujo-bubble land. I act like Ariel in the Little Mermaid, where she is swimming around, humming to herself and this is what happens:

Sister: Whoa. She's got it bad.
Tritan: What? What's she got?
Sister: Isn't it obvious, daddy? Ariel's in LOVE.

That's how I am acting. Just dazed. I love her so eternally that I can't contain it; nor do I even try :teehee: I think my kaa-san is starting to notice.

And, in case you don't know, my koi is Yaoishoujo. I feel the same as her: I want to be with her forever. I love her so much, it makes me want to cry everytime I think about it. It's overwhelming.

Alrighty... *looks over her post and nods her head in satisfaction* That be good enough. Ja ne! Thanks for reading my post! ^_^

Daisuki,
Naruki

PS. I even changed my banner on my cell to say "Atemu's Koi ^^"1 Kawaii! =^___^=
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Monday, July 11, 2005

   Ano...
There is something I could say today that is a little more "dramatic". It involves my pharaoh, which I am only guessing most people who read this will know. Because she is so wonderful and such. (She is YaoiShoujo, by the way. Sugoi, isn't she? ^_^)

There is this song that I kinda "dedicated" to her awhile ago. (And this is something I have not even told her about yet, but I just got reminded and I dun want to bother her with another email. ^_^) If anyone has ever seen/heard the songs from Phantom of the Opera, this song is the one that Raoul and Christine sing together: "All I Ask of You". Over the past couple of days, I can NOT get that girl outta my head (YaoiShoujo, I mean). Not that this is anything new, but I have been worried about her. Anyhow, there have been a few times that I have doubted my true feelings for her in the past couple days and I debated whether it was right; for me to feel the way I do and such. But there was this time that saved me. I was talking to Nichole online earlier this week and I was telling her all about my feelings and my conflictions that I have been having. I was on my computer and was upset, writing things to Nichole and trying desperately to sort out my confusion. After I was done doing that, I turned on my TV. My DVD player works on channel 3, which is also the town's bulletin board notes. They always play random background music. Well, after all my self-doubts, it seemed rather ironic that the song they played JUST then was "All I Ask of You". I listened to it dumbfounded, and then I started crying. It just felt a little too perfect to be coincidence, you know?

:feels everyone get lost:

Sorry. I just thought it was sweet. Afterwards, I squeezed the dog she sent me and wouldn't let it go. Only reason I remember and write this now is because I heard that same song in the background of skaters on TV. I wanted to cry again. Everytime I hear it, I think of her and it breaks my heart. But in a good way. Wakata ka?

Yikes. Haveta go. Ja ne! Sorry for two posts, but I rock~ Haha!

~Naruki
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   My nose is stuffy... -_-
Ah, the brilliance of being a ninja... Just can't contain me happiness...

*ahem*

Gomen.

I went swimming today! Hurrah! When we (meaning me and me family) were heading to the lake, we passed by my best friend's house. I made this little "give me!" gesture with my hand and my kaa-san stared at me. I only smiled and said, "It's Momiji!" I love that girl. ^_^ I kinda wish she coulda come with. She is great fun, ya know.

I think I should apologize for not updating... but, unlike my beloved pharaoh, I do not have many friends on this site; being because no one really knows who I am. But I guess that is my fault. Sorry.

Damn. I apologized anyway. SEE WHAT YOU DO TO ME!?

Heehee. I am tired~! I slept 13 hours, but still tired! ...I don't really have something wonderful and exilherating to say... though I feel bad for anyone reading this, thinking they will hear something exciting. I have a phobia towards these type of sites...

I will say that I am planning to go to California next month to see my darling pharaoh and, though I am scared, I am so freakin' PSYCHED! And nothing has been finalized yet! Though I am really excited. I have never left the eastern side of the US before, and she lives on the other side of the country. SO HAPPY!

Sorry. I am a bit delirious. No sleep and lotsa caffiene... ya understand, nee?

Well, I gotta email me brother. So long!

~Naruki
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Friday, June 10, 2005

Gradu-ation!
Tomorrow is graduation... Psyched, am I? A little, I admit. But I am upset about something. Maybe it is stress, maybe it is anxiety, but I shall explain.

There is this girl I have liked on and off for a year/year and a half. I was with her today after (her) third period (I say "her"s because I am not technically in school anymore). I was talking to a friend of mine and my choir sensei. Out of nowehere, this girl (Nichole) came up and hugged me around the waist. I turned and looked over. She was standing there (Nichole is the girl I like, in case it's not obvious). She asked me if I was alright, but I didn't say anything. I grabbed her and hugged her tightly. She sounded really concerned when she asked me again, but I just held her tighter. I am not sure why I did anything like that. It all happened so fast and I did not even think; just acted.

My pharaoh asked me if it was true I was still "smitten" with her. She said I sounded like a little schoolgirl who had a crush on one of their best friends. I don't know exactly how to answer that. I COULD still have a crush on her, but I still know how she feels about me. I am nothing more than a friend. She said she loves me, but thinks of me as a sister. I think maybe, because she is so important to me, I am just depressed because I might not be able to see her again. That in itself, hurts a lot more than with some of my other friends. And I think that is why Atemu(my pharaoh) thinks I am in love with her.

There was this thing I had planned to do a while ago. I was going to write Nichole a note and have her read it when I was not there; a letter which told her my real feelings. Jenneth said I should definitely write it and give it to her. I think Atemu thinks the same. And... speak of the devil. She just popped up on AIM. :nervous:

I wish I knew what to do... :le sob: DOUSHIYO!? :shuuichi tears:

Well... until I figure something out, that is it for me. Ja ne!!

Daisuki,
Sanzo/Naruki
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