Saturday, November 20, 2004

   lifes horrid twists and turns...
all right guys. i hate to do this, but i am on a tight schedule right now so i wont have enough time to talk to you guys seperately, so im going to do it thru here ok?

first, CRAZYGIRLl21986, i have tried it to. i tried suffocation and pills believe it or not.obviously, they didnt work. i promise ill check out your fanfic as soon as i get the chance aight? once again, thank you for your support.

VILEFANTOM, i know exactly what you are talking about. its strange how i get you without being confused for twenty minutes. trust me, i confuse easily. i really appreciate you missing the Eagles game to lend me your support, and thanks for being here for me, your awesome...

HALFDEMONINUYASHA, i hope that you get better soon, and i understand about being depressed every day. i go thru it too. im not on any medication thought, my doctor thinks its just normal teenage stress. thank you for you support as well. it means a lot to me.

SCORPI121, i love to read as well. im just so busy i dont have time to do the things that i want to. and when i do them it usually ends up interfering with something else. i try though. but hey, what kinds of books do you like?

SAILORFIRESTAR, you are an amazing person and im glad to have you as a friend. thanks for being here for me, i really appreciate it.

KAYAGO, i know that thats not the way to go. dont worry i wont do anything stupid. i promise. i do have enough self control to be able to limit myself to just thoughts. although i admit that not to long ago i did try to take my life. but that is something that no one out here (in the "real" world) knows about.

all right, like i said thanks to all of you guys for caring so much. i do feel better knowing that you guys are here for me, and i want you all to know that im here for ya too...
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Monday, November 15, 2004

   thanks guys...
thank you all for your amazing support. you have no idea how great it feels to read all of your positivity...i do feel a bit better today. i dont really know what brings about these bouts of unhappiness, but im glad its gone. i guess its just because i keep so many things bottled up inside me. i have a tendency to do that. i talked to my mom today and she makes me feel so much better. im glad that our relationship has evolved to that point where we can communicate with each other. about killing myself, as i told someone before, the thought has crossed my mind, i wont deny it, but i know that i cant do it. there is still a part of me that continues hoping and praying, wishing for a better tomorrow. a part of me that still has hope. its funny but it feels like im fighting a battle inside myself. when i get positive comments like the ones you guys give me, i feel the side that fights for life growing stronger...i know it sounds crazy. anyway, again thank you all for your support. i really appreciate it...
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Saturday, November 13, 2004

   in the words of the great Nataku3, life is life....
so everything is going all right. i mean, i am severely depressed, to the point where i have thought of killing myself...not to panic ya'll., i dont think id do it. i can lie to my friends and family about it, say that im ok, but i cant lie to you guys...ive thought about jsut ending it all, all the pain and confusion. im truly tired of life in general and sometimes i feel lke there really is no point to it. AleXavier, as usual makes me feel so much better, but ive started to wonder how much longer i can keep running to him. i mean, we are seniors, and eventually i am going to have to learn to deal with life...but enough about my depression...theres snow outside. snow reminds me that christmas is coming and that makes me feel a little better i spose...anyway guys i gotta run, this post is dragging...thanks for reading!
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Friday, November 12, 2004

   sometimes, we cant possibly fathom whats really going on...
hey guys, sorry i havent been around for a while, life has been a bit hectic lately. anyway, just to update you guys on life, i think Alexavier is over his little issue, although i admit it wasnt just him going thru it. lately we do nothing but argue, although it isnt pissed off arguing, its sort of a playful arguing, but i cant tell if were joking anymore. i suppose i brought this on myself. ive been really bitchy and needy lately, and the best way to get it, at least with Alexavier lately, is by arguing with him. i suppose its because hes going thru his thing with me too. other than that, it has been semi-concluded that my boyfriend will definitely be gone till around april of enxt year. thats what we are figuring on anyway. i told him that i will wait as long as he wants (i know im really crazy about this guy) but the only condition that i put was that he at least try and be here for our anniversary in March. now me, personally i dont think its asking for too much, seeing as how i have been here patiently waiting for six months. what do you guys thinks? anyway, i am not putting up lyrics today, but i will grace you guys with some cool pics that i found...as soon as i find them..lol

ok i found them...

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this is my gangsta boy
F-A-B-O-L-O-U-S. his new song "Breathe" is pretty awesome, yall can check it out. maybe ill post the lyrics...

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this is my favorite female group. the only people ive seen who worked together, split up and came back with just as much, if not even more style than before. definitely expect to see some lyrics from me...

and finally, for the alexavier's of the world,

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Inuyasha!
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Monday, November 8, 2004

   student gov...
is definitely not for me. i went to my first meeting today, i couldnt go previously because i had soccer practice, but it was like slow torture...really...they just talk and talk and talk...i wanted to be dead momentarily. other than that, today was my first day in Governing of People, another of the classes designed to fill wholes in your schedules...i know what you guys are thinking, believe me i thought the same thing. why would you have a class that teaches kids how to govern others? dont we live in America? i mean do they want us to become dictators? anyway, im bouncing..the point is that that class was also slow torture. what happened was that they didnt have enough funding for it, so they changed the class to something called Unlocking your Potential...my goodness how i hate that class. its horridly boring and that teacher used to be a special ed teacher, or maybe he doubles as a special ed teacher, i dunno, but he treated us as if we were special ed...and the sad thing is that he is a dumb dude..i mean today, we were arguing because he said that Columbus was Spanish--which hes not for the record. my friend and i told him that he wasnt spanish he just worked for the spanish because no one else would fund his voyage..the point is he just went on and on about how hes the teacher and hes always right...jeesh, i get all the great ones. and i just found out, i have a D in Entrepeneurship! i mean sure, occasionally i speak out whenever there is an injustice or hes boring me to death, but i score the highest on all his tests and quizzes...so hmphh...other than that guys, nothing much new. just thinking bout going to homecoming this saturday. i would really love it if Alexavier would go, it would be cool to have my best friend with me, (Im banking on the hope that he wont read this post), but i know its not his cup of tea so i wont bother to ask him...gotta run guys work to pretend to do--i mean work to do...i promise ill try and stop by your sites ASAP...
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Saturday, November 6, 2004

   all well that ends well
maybe i cant use that phrase cuz there is still so much stuff for me to figure out in my life. there are days when i hate everything and pretty much everyone, and then there are days where i am fairly impassive, then there are days when the world is beautiful. it took me a while to figure out why this happened, but i got it. it depends on my feelings toward my boyfriend at the moment. like if im mad at him, i cant talk to anyone cuz im mad at everyone. its pretty funny because when i was little, i always swore up and down that i would never be broken by any guy. we all see how well that turned out. anyway guys, i have to go to work, so i hope to hear from ya'll...
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Thursday, November 4, 2004

   life...
i dunno guys, i notice that lately no matter how hard i try, my posts get shorter and shorter. anyway, i have a meeting with my boss and superior today about the dude with the messing up of my books...im not in trouble, but my superior thinks that its important that i tell my boss so that i dont get blamed for whats going on in my section...good luck to me. anyway other than that, i did good today at school. im yay proud of my self. i forced myself to do all my work and everything. trust me guys, that doesnt happen often. i finally beat final fantasy x, dont laugh but its been like a year since i started playing...im game illiterate...
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Wednesday, November 3, 2004

   slightly frustrated...
hey guys im a little ticked...because there is this dude who works here with me, and a) he stinks, b) he keeps messing my books up! ask Alexavier. this dude has a serious odor about him, and instead of fixing things, he makes them worse! some people are blaming me and my other friend, cuz we are the ones who ar shelving the books, but i know for a fact its not us. because of this guy, i have to take like an hour out of work to shelf read and fix the shelves...sounds bitchy i know...anyway, i have been a little down lately because the first was mine and my boyfriends anniversary, we've been topgether for eight months now, but he coiuldnt come down...so i was a bit down about that. anyway, i havbe to bizounce because i have to get to work, bye yall!
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Tuesday, November 2, 2004

   NEW HOBBY
hey guys i have a new hobby. Alexavier likes to forget to log out whenever he finishes, so i like to go on to his site and uh...make interesting posts...lol. its hilarious. im going to go do that right now lmao...
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Saturday, October 30, 2004

   im sorry guys
i was at someones web site...i cant remember whos exactly right now, but they were talking about how they were looking thru their archives and they realized that their posts had become so sad. i did the same thing and i noticed that mine have to. everyday i write less and less just so i dont have to think about my crapalicious life...im sorry. ill try not to do that. i went yesterday to see that movie Saw, i thought it was really good. the ending is what caught me. there was a twist that i wasnt even expecting! i think all of you scary movie fans should go check it out. anyway, ill give you guys a break today from the song lyrics. partially because they are going to make this post amazingly long, partially because im too lazy to go get them. i put up a couple of quizzes that i found surfing thru peoples sites, check them out if ya wish. and in the spirit of the good old days, here are some good old fashioned anime pics...

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Family Guy, oh yeah thats the show baby...

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Vash is hot stuff...
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