Tuesday, November 23, 2004

   HAPPY
well there seems to me a bit of light im my dark tunnel.. I DONT HAVE TO GO TO COURT ANYMORE.. im sooo happy.. oy vey.. i was outside the court room dancing.. the judge said since im almost 18 theres nothing realy more they can force me to do.. thus.. they cut me loose.. im not caged any more.. i feel like a bird that just broke free from being caged for a year.. im soo happy.. YAY..
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Monday, November 22, 2004

   well.. bad shit keeps happening
my friend noelle got in a car accident.. it didn't hurt her to bad.. shes got whiplash.. her back is prolly killing her right now.. it seems everytime we get ahead.. we all end up right back were we started.. i dont know if we are still moving to florida.. cause my mom and her fiance are having problems.. and even if the move is still is on.. my friend billy has asked me to move in with him.. so i dont have to leave.. i think thats a good idea.. also.. i was over across the street today ( i didnt go to school again) and some women from the nursing home was there she said when i turn 18 with 8 weeks of training i could get a job there at the nursing home.. that would be sooo great... i may not like cleaning my own house but other peoples house are no problem.. -dances- w00t.. hopefully this plan will not get screwed up..
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Friday, November 19, 2004

out of your cell
they let grandpa out of the hospital.. tonight.. he has to go talk to hospice.. they gave him six monthes to live.. when we were sitting on grandma's porch and he was standing in from of me talking to her.. and i could not help but think that this man.. standing if front of me.. is going to die.. hes going to die and theres nothing i can do about it.. hes going to die.. and then grandma is going die from a broken heart.. she going to loose her husband.. her partner in crime.. her partner of life.. her love.. shes going to loose him.. and i can't do anything to help her besides tell her i love her... he seems so calm.. like death doesn't phase him.. why is it that he is so calm when death is staring him in the face..and when i feel death breath.. i cower i dont understand.. i just dont.. something has just got to give..
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Thursday, November 18, 2004

the lords scam
our father who art in heaven .. dick head be thy name..
thy kindom come.. is full of shit..
on earth as it is in heaven.. feed us this day our daily spoon feeding
and forgive us our trespasses
though we continue to trespass anyway
as we pretend to forgive those who trespass against us
lead us not into realization
but deliver us from truth.. blah blah blah for your kingdom is a wonderful lie..
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   MY therapist
duuude.. i love my therapist.. she grabbed my ass today..
-giggle- muahahahah butt grabbin therapy.. all we do is talk about stupid shit.. she made me feel good today.. made me laugh and made me fell a bit better about my grandpa having cancer.. it still hurts.. but it hurts with a laugh.. :)
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Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Man that you fear.. (manson)
the ants are in the sugar

the muscles atrophied

we're on the other side, the screen is us and we're t.v.

spread me open,
sticking to my pointy ribs

ARE ALL YOUR INFANTS IN ABORTION CRIBS!

I was born into this

everything turns to shit

the boy that you loved is the man that you fear

pray until your number,

asleep from all your pain,

your apple has been rotting
tomorrow's turned up dead

i have it all and i have no choice but to

i'll make everyone pay and you will see

you can kill yourself now

because you're dead
in my mind

the boy that you loved is the monster you fear

peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,

you've poisoned all of your children to camouflage your scars

pray unto the splinters, pray unto your fear

pray your life was just a dream
the cut that never heals

pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream

(I am so tangled in my sins that I cannot escape)

pinch the head off, collapse me like a weed

someone had to go this far
I was born into this

everything turns to shit

the boy that you loved is the man
that you fear

peel off all those eyes and crawl into the dark,

you've poisoned all of your children
to camouflage your scars
pray unto the splinters,
pray unto your fear
pray your life was just a dream

the cut that never heals

pray now baby, pray your life was just a dream

the world in my hands,
there's no one left to hear you scream

there's no one left for you




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Tuesday, November 16, 2004

god
damnit.. CANCER.. whore bags.. who does that asshole think he is.. god.. oh wait.. yeah.. i knew that... he is god.. WELL HES AN ASSHOLE.. yeah.. thats right.. i said it.. im blasphemous.. and non of you passion of the christ loving piss buckets are going to change my damned mind.. so screw you all.. well. not all of you.. jesus died for our sins.. and then our damned grandparents cancer..and if the damned chemo doesnt work.. they die.. who the hell thought that one up ..cause lemme tell you its a fucking GENIUS idea.. i bet god was just sitting there one day and he was all like.. OH OH I HAVE A GREAT IDEA JESUS AND LUCIFER lets make these beings called humans.. give them life let them love people and then .. take it all away.. jesus was all into .. and lucifer was prolly all like screw that.. and god was like.. FINE I KICK YOU OUT OF HEAVEN YOU BRAT yep thats how it happened.. (if you havent noticed yet... im a lil pissed)
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DAMNIT
duuude.. this is the second time this week i didnt wake up for school.. god damn it.. -backhands self- im an idiot... grrrrr arg. i need to wake up man.. o.o
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Monday, November 15, 2004

   holy cheese
okies.. right now.. my total visits on my statistics is 69 .. eh .. eh.. naugty.. 0.0 oh yeah



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   MOving back
My mom is getting married.. and that means.. we are moving back to the tri county area i grew up in.. in florida.. since i moved here.. all i could think to myself.. was.. i wanna go home i wanna go home.. let me go home.. but now that its really happened.. i can't help but think to myself.. am i really going home.. or am i leaving home.. all my friends.. everyone i know and love.. i have friends.. rather i had friends.. in florida.. but i can't just pick up where we left off.. all my friends have moved on with their lives since i left 3 years ago.. all my friends have grown up.. made new friends.. and done new things.. that i dont know abut.. they've all changed.. and i have to.. my dear friends up here.. i just don't know what to do.. weither to stay with them up here in north georgia.. or to go back to my 'home'.. i dont know my family and friends any more.. or stay here.. where i know who exactly my family and friends are..
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