Monday, January 14, 2008

Monotony
Nana has been in a funk lately with writing. She thinks that if she can write a short story or something that might help. But she can't think of any plot ideas. Any of y'all got any ideas for Nana?
That would help alot.

That said This is the last thing Nana wrote:


Ayumi close her eyes and breathed deep, trying to calm herself, “Who is Illana?”
Junsei rolled onto her side. Ayumi’s profile was soft; her dark hair spread out loosely on the covers. The late afternoon light made her seem doll like. Precious… Junsei shook off the thought as she answered, “A few weeks ago, something happened and some children lost their lives. But Biku did something to keep the souls from passing on, so my dad had cybernetic bodies made for the children who wished to continue living. Illana, is one of those children. She also happens to have the same name as Biku’s daughter. I believe they are also the same age. But I don’t know since Biku will never talk about it.”
Ayumi rolled over, her face barely touching Junsei’s, “Why do you care so much about Biku?”
For a moment, Junsei lost herself in Ayumi’s eyes. She couldn’t help but be drawn to this girl. Couldn’t help but….. With much effort, Junsei brought herself back to reality and away from her strong feelings. To help with that, she rolled onto her back and concentrated on the ceiling, “He reminds me of how my dad used to be. He is taking such a large burden on himself, never asks for help, and never wishes to feel anything.”
Perhaps knowing why Junsei looked away, Ayumi smiled and sighed slightly as she too looked up at the ceiling, “I know you’re not telling me everything.”
Junsei closed her eyes, “Things are being set into motion and Biku falls into the needed category. I don’t know what the things are, I just know they are coming and having a more human Biku is what’s needed to deal with the things.”
Ayumi sighed, “I wonder if I’ll ever get used to the real you.” She gasped and sat up looking at Junsei, “I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean it that way. I’m just so confused right now. I…”
Junsei sat up, “No, you did mean it that way.”
Ayumi tightly closed her eyes in shame and looked away from Junsei.
Junsei gently ran her hand down Ayumi’s cheek, causing her to feel even more guilty, “I’d feel the same way.” Junsei turned Ayumi’s face to look at her, “You don’t have to hid your feelings from me, no matter how harsh they are.”
Ayumi slowly opened her tear filled eyes, “But I shouldn’t feel this way, I’m your friend. I chose to walk with you. I shouldn’t be so scared or anxious.”
Junsei said nothing. What could she say?
Ayumi fell against the bed and began to weep; I can’t take this anymore.


Junsei looked at the clock, 0200. She ran her hand through the sleeping Ayumi’s hair. She had finally calmed down enough to sleep soundly. Junsei got out of bed and replaced the covers over Ayumi. Her eyes adjusted to the dark slowly, but as she left the room she could see well enough. She sighed as she leaned against the wall by her door, It shouldn’t be like this.

The sound of a laughing audience caught her attention as she crept down the stairs. As she entered the living room she could see Kain’s profile lit by the light from the TV, he sat sleeping on the couch. It was one of those estranged late night variety shows; you know those ones that no one claims to watch but you know they do. She could see the faint rise and fall of her father’s chest as she got closer. Quietly she sat down next to him and lay against him.

His body was warm, familiar. Junsei snuggled closer and closed her eyes listening to his soft breathing. She hugged him tightly, just so she knew he really was there. How did he get through all his pain? The hatred, the fear. He makes it seem so easy. I wish he wouldn’t trust me so much with things I don’t understand. He did as Ayumi asked trusting I’d know how to handle all this. He trusts that I know how to open Biku’s heart. Does he even know how much it hurts? Junsei started to cry. Does he know what I’m going through? She continued to dig her face against his chest as she mumbled two simple words, “Stupid Father.” Do you know how confused I am? Do you know how lost I feel? Do you know how much I hate myself? Do you…. Her thoughts trailed off as she wept harder. She didn’t know how long she had cried, just that she couldn’t anymore. She hiccupped, whimpered, stuttered, but no longer cried; and with no more strength left, she fell asleep amid the ever present laugh track.

It was early morning when Ayumi woke up. The warm reds and oranges of the rising sun filled the room with a dim wake-up call. She slowly sat up and looked around, I fell asleep at Junsei’s. I said something horrible last night. She got out of bed and changed clothes. If there ever was a time for that divine intervention, now’s it. The light in the bathroom made her flinch. She looked at herself in the mirror; her eyes were red and her face was raw from the crying. Using cold water to scrub her face, she attempted to regain some composure. If she still had any left.

She sighed into the towel as she dried her face and hung the towel back up. Nothing was simple anymore. Apologizing for what she said would no longer be enough. What was she supposed to do? Lately she’s been doubting the decision she made. She was afraid that someone else she cared about would leave her. She really is a selfish person. So if Junsei were to leave, would she have the right to stop her?

The warm light lit the quiet living room. Ayumi went over to the couch. Junsei lay there in what looked like a deep sleep. Ayumi adjusted the blanket that was falling off of her. She wanted to do more, quiet comforting, but backed away when she saw Junsei’s face. She looked sad, hurt. Alone.

Ayumi turned away sharply and went into the kitchen. She leaned against the counter trying to calm herself. No crying, Is what she thought, but it proved harder than she believed. When she finally opened her eyes and looked outside through the porch door, she realized that someone was laying out there. He was surrounded by cats so it was hard to see who it was. But the feelings were familiar. Junsei said to trust him, and given that she had most likely slept on the couch, the man must know something.
Some of the cats took note of Ayumi’s presence as she stepped outside and moved to one side of Kain. The cat on his stomach stretched and took its time to get off as Kain sat up. “Morning, little one.” He said without turning around.
Ayumi closed the door and sat down next to him. She still felt uneasy, but she had made up her mind to try.
“I don’t know what happened last night, and I won’t ask either. Just know that she cried.” While it sounded as though Kain felt nothing, Ayumi knew it was the opposite, “I had nodded off while watching something to pass the time when she came down. It has been a long time since she last came for reassurance.”
“Reassurance?”
“I don’t claim to know anything about your feelings, but weren’t there times when you just wanted to be near someone so you could feel loved, so you didn’t feel alone.”
Ayumi bit her lip as she listened to Kain; she had done that, after her mother passed away. She’d sneak into her father’s study and just sit down in his lap, saying nothing. “It’s not like we don’t understand how Jun feels. She’s our daughter and we do care about her greatly, but she’s also a star child and has a role to play. We can’t ignore that fact, and neither can she. That’s why she hurts so much.”
Ayumi’s hands fidgeted in her lap, “I thought that by sharing her burden, I could take that hurt away. But all it seems to have done is make her hurt even more.”
Kain chuckled, “When Vermillion was young, he would shoulder all the burden even though he had friends right next to him with their hands stretched out to help. Like Vermillion, it’s because she hurts that she won’t let go.”
Ayumi looked at Kain, “That doesn’t make any sense.”
Kain shook his head, “It makes perfect sense. Think about it, put yourself in her place.”
Her place, her pain, her feelings. Ayumi squinted as she looked at the sun, “Protection.”
“Protection.” The cats scattered as Kain stood up and stretched, “In this short time that the two of you have known each other, she has grown to care greatly about you.”
He rubbed Ayumi’s head when she was about to say something, “And it would seem you share that feeling.”
Ayumi blushed, “It seems strange that I’ve come to love her some much, even though we still barely know each other.”
Kain looked off somewhere in the distance, “This is a request from both me and Vermillion, please continue to love her. No matter what happens in life, please stay by her side.”
Ayumi closed her eyes and let the tears fall, “I will.”

***


NNM
There are things that make you go UGUU!!!
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