Thursday, August 4, 2005

Hrrrmmm
I'm using MySpace as my primary blog. I'll start posting things from there over to here.

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So, I think I feel special. Today was all cool-like and stuff.

So, background info. I'm going into my freshman year at highschool. There's this group called Model United Nations (MUN), whose name should explain the group perfectly. I'm gonna be in it. Blah blah blah. Well, anyways, there's this guy named Asher who's gonna be a senior. He's ---really--- smart, funny, cute, and gay.

So today he picked me up and we went to Books-A-Million. We talked mostly about school, MUN, that sorta stuff. The talk itself wasn't too special, but the energy was. I don't know if he's, like, boyfriend potential or whatever, but he's definitely a great friend.

It was actually really, really awesome, however uneventful. It just pretty much felt special to me. *shrug*

I dunno, I probably sound like a dork, but hey, whatever. I had a pretty great time. Asher and I actually had quite a bit in common.


The ever-negative me can always find a downside. It's one of my major faults. And, of course, I find it immediately as I sit down at this computer. While I didn't notice it or mind at the time, I guess I was kinda being talked down to most of the time I was there. I mean, he doesn't know any of what I've done in my past, what I've been through, blahblahblah, so I understand that the natural thing is to pass on experience. I understand that Asher was being helpful, and I appreciate it all. There's just one way to put it- he underestimates me. I mean, he understands my intelligence, that was obvious just from our talking, but still...I guess, like Piper said, it's just the natural treatment of freshmen.

He treated me like I was delicate, too. I really am capable of carrying two 2-litre bottles of soda at once. I may look thin and frail, but I'm definitely strong.

Back to the thing before. My maturity level is high above that of most people my age. I'm able to look at situations from an adult's perspective, to see things as the concerned parent would. I can reason through complex situations, form multi-layer thoughts and compound those with multi-situation cases, blahblahblah. My mind works damn well, but he treated me, a good part of the time, like a typical freshman.


That's not really important, though. That's a thing to fix with time; as we get to know each other, that'll work itself out.

The natural throb of depression that always seems at the back of my mind, waiting to come in on the tides of any random mood swing, it's gone. There's one less emotion in the tumult, now. It feels really good, too. Instead of worrying about when depression will come, I get to look forward to when happiness will come back. Positive emotion now fills two spots instead of half of one.

More later, guys.
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So, two days have elapsed since my last blog. I've got a story to tell about last (Sunday) night.

I was sitting on my bed, blasting Story of the Year loud enough to deafen a granny; reading Speaker for the Dead by Orson Scott Card.

I was happy. I was in a pretty damn good mood. Then I looked around my room and cried three tears. OOoooh, no big deal, right? That's as many tears as I've shed total since...February. I don't cry. I can't cry. And I shed three tears.

This is fairly monumental to me. I finally figured out what caused it, too. I have this massive lack of affection in my life.

I just lost all will to write. I'll post another blog with the rest of this whenever.
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Religion and Sexuality- Why the Christian Supremacists Are Wrong


"God hates gays." "Faggots will burn in Hell." Remember those signs? The angry protests? Well, those people aren't Christians. They are hatemongers and bigots. I'm here to tell you exactly why.

"God hates gays." Let's look at that statement from a Christian perspective. Doesn't God love everyone? A lot of Christians seem to think that homosexuality is a sin that's exponentially greater than all the others. But, in God's eyes, aren't all sins equal? The types of Christians that make these statements are usually Bible-thumpers, the types that take every single word of the Bible as concrete. Well, if you're going to think like that, you should at least do it all around the board.

If God hates gays, then he hates murderers, rapists, adulterers, etc., exactly the same. But God DOESN'T, does he? God loves everyone, no matter what, right? So that statement's down the drain. God doesn't hate gays.

"Faggots will burn in Hell." Not more than any other sinner, really. In fact, homosexuals have the exact same chances at penance as everyone else. As long as you pledge faith in Father, Son, and Holy Ghost and all that jazz, you're going to Heaven.

So it pretty much comes out to this: While homosexuality may be a sin in the eyes of God, it's just the same as every other sin. It's no worse than shooting your neighbor. It's no better than molesting your girlfriend's 6-year-old little sister. God apparently works that way, fair or not.

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Happiness...today, I kinda dread it.

After hanging out with Asher, I was in a really good mood for the rest of that day. I was honestly, truly, happy. It felt so good, I didn't think that would go away. But of course it did.

Happiness taunts me. It comes for a bit, and I don't think it will ever leave. And then it goes away entirely; having the memory of such positive feelings makes the depression hurt so much worse. It's becomes longing.

I'm lustful. Grossly lustful. Not after sex, or any sort of instant gratification, but for one source of happiness after another. I need the sort of happiness I had after hanging out with Asher. I crave it. But...it's not for me, I guess. Only occasionally. A sip of the antidote to hint at you what -could- be, not what is.

And we're right back to my utter lack of affection. I posted about that earlier. There's none in my life.

*deep sigh* Thanks for reading these, Piper, I know you're the only one who does :)


((And to others- Tiffy-chan, thanks soooooo much for always reading my posts. I appreciate every single one of your comments. They always brighten up my day.

Evil- you're brilliant, hysterical, and just rad, eh?

Tangertine- :) Digimon forever

Whoever else- y'er radical. Three and a quarter thumbs up.)))
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