Wednesday, March 2, 2005

All this marriage crap going around is making my head hurt... Not to mention my heart...
So, Justin apparently got engaged to some chick over the weekend that he has only been dating for about a month and a half. Personally, I think he's going to seriously regret it, but it's his life. At least he's waiting a while. He says he won't marry her until he's out of high school, at least. Oh, and did I mention... HE ONLY KNOWS HER ONLINE... x.x; He's being a fucking idiot, and I hope he can get his head strait soon, before I knock it off his shoulders.

-sighs- And then there's every one always talking about how Chris and Allie are going to get married. He gave her a $3,000 or some thing promise ring! x.x; Good lord... But at least they have been going out for about a year now. But he is going to school in Hawaii next year, and Allie trusts him. I think it's great that she has that much trust and respect for him. But Amanda thinks she us a fucking idiot for trusting him. She says 'Chris is a total HOTTIE, and if Allie thinks he's not gonna cheat on her, she's seriously gonna be heart broken. She knows damn well how many girls are all over him already, so just think about it when he's off in Hawaii on the beaches with all these beautiful women.' I tried to say that if their relationship is really going as well as it is, then I think she should be able to trust him if she feels the need. I just got thwaped in the face with a folder and made fun of x.x; Then she's all 'And when he does cheat on her and she comes crying to me, I'm just gonna laugh.' I told her that was horrible, but I knew well enough that she would be one to do that exact thing. She just slapped me x.o We're such loving friends XD Then her and Katie went on to make fun of me for kissing Henry in the hall, as usual -.-; They say since I'm the only one with some body, that I best get used to this shit. Yesterday was the 'Oh Henry' day, they kept making fun and did it in this weird voice I can't imitate. Every advisement day they make up some new shit to make fun of me with him about... v.v; I WANT TO KILL THEM SOME TIMES XD

o.o; What was I talking about again x.x;; -looks up- OH YEAH, the marriage stuff. Shut up, you all know by now that I'm an idiot...

Okay, so there's the Chris and Allie thing, the Justin one, and... I'm going to get my ass kicked and he won't every speak to me again... But I need to get this off my chest... Me and Dante had a very... Interesting conversation Monday night... I didn't remember it all at first, but I knew I had done some thing pretty fucked up. So I asked him to tell me what I had said...

(( Sorry, this is kind of long... ))

Brianna (3:43:43 PM): x.x; Fuck this, I give up
Dante (3:43:51 PM): ?
Brianna (3:44:01 PM): Trying to find this
Brianna (3:44:02 PM): x.x
Dante (3:44:09 PM): Trying to find what?
Brianna (3:44:49 PM): -sighs- I wanted to find the conversation from yesterday... But yahell didn't save any of my mobile conv like it's supposed too x.x;
Dante (3:45:26 PM): Why did you want it
Dante (3:45:29 PM): >_.;
Brianna (3:45:46 PM): I wanted to see where the fuck I started to go so very wrong... v.v
Brianna (3:45:46 PM): x.x
Dante (3:45:57 PM): o_o;;
Dante (3:46:01 PM): You scared me...
Brianna (3:46:20 PM): I'm sorry... I don't think I was to right in the head yesterday
Brianna (3:46:22 PM): v.v;
Dante (3:46:30 PM): >_>;...
Brianna (3:47:13 PM): Just all of the wedding crap then I asked you all of that shit, and I barley even remember what I said...
Brianna (3:47:14 PM): x.x;
Dante (3:47:38 PM): Yeah well...
Dante (3:47:40 PM): <_<;;
Dante (3:47:43 PM): -Fetal position.-
Brianna (3:47:53 PM): >< What did I say? TELL ME
Dante (3:48:05 PM): The whole fucking marriage thing
Dante (3:48:07 PM): XD
Dante (3:48:14 PM): Scared me so shitless.
Dante (3:48:16 PM): o_O;
Brianna (3:48:33 PM): o.o You have to be specific here, I don't remember much
Brianna (3:48:35 PM): x.o
Dante (3:48:47 PM): Just, never talk of this again.
Dante (3:48:50 PM): >_>;
Brianna (3:49:03 PM): <.< I will... ONCE YOU TELL ME WHAT I DID
Brianna (3:49:04 PM): XD
Brianna (3:49:04 PM): x.x;
Dante (3:49:21 PM): I can just easily iggeh chu cuz that shit really scared me
Dante (3:49:23 PM): >_>;
Brianna (3:50:41 PM): v.v.... Please? All I remember is thinking Justin is an idiot, then you saying you never wanted to get married because of commitment or some thing, so I tried to give you an example and you said some thing about only me and now it's all blank besides a few blips of it
Brianna (3:50:42 PM): x.x;
Dante (3:51:12 PM): Never fucking speak of this again...
Dante (3:51:15 PM): .....
Brianna (3:52:05 PM): Please, Dante. You know me, you know I won't stop bugging you until you tell me or I think hard enough and I will figure it out so just tell me now and I promise I will NEVER say ANYTHING about it EVER again...
Brianna (3:52:17 PM): It's just gonna bug me till you do
Brianna (3:52:18 PM): x.x;
Dante (3:52:41 PM): NO!
Dante (3:52:43 PM): THAT'S FINAL.
Brianna (3:52:49 PM): -cries- WHY
Dante (3:52:58 PM): BECAUSE......
Brianna (3:53:07 PM): -whimpers- Because why?
Dante (3:53:18 PM): CUZ I FUCKING SAID SO
Brianna (3:53:34 PM): -cries again- Please
Brianna (3:53:38 PM): I NEED TO KNOW
Dante (3:54:10 PM): FOR WHAT PURPOSE
Brianna (3:54:29 PM): BECAUSE I NEED TO KNOW WHY MY FUCKING HEART HURTS SO DAMN MUCH
Dante (3:54:41 PM): .....
Dante (3:55:23 PM): Get your fucking mind off it. I'm not going to tell you, and if you speak about it one more time I'm NEVER going to talk to you again. Understand?
Brianna (3:56:06 PM): -whimpers and looks to the ground and nods- Okay.....

So I'm not supposed to ever talk about it again, but I can't help it... I need to get this out... I just hope he doesn't come and read this and never speak to me again... I don't know what I would do...

So I thought about it, and I finally remembered what happened... And I really don't think I was right in the head... This is basically what happened...

Dante told me about how Justin was getting married, and I told him I already knew. Then he said some thing about how he never wanted to get married because it was too much damn commitment, and he didn't want to deal with it. So I tried to give him an example of how if him and me were dating, and he loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, then wouldn't he want to get married? So he said yes, to you or some thing like that. So I asked 'only me...?' trying to get him to understand the point. But all he did is say it again... 'Only you.'

So I fucking start banging my head on the wall then I don't even fucking know what happened to me, but I just started typing shit. So I think I said some thing like,

Me: So if I were to just drop every thing right now and ask you to marry me, what would you say?
Dante: >.> HELLS YEAH
Me: o.o;; Really...?
Dante: Yeah. I'd have to get my shit together over here, but yeah o.o
Me: What do you mean?

So then he goes into trying to explain it to me, but I still didn't get it x.x; Typical me... And not all of this is exactly what was said; I’m just trying to do this out of memory as best that I can... Then we got into some other thing that eventually led us up to me doing some thing like this...

Dante: Why? o.O You gonna ask me to marry you or some shit?
Me: -shrugs- I dunno...
Dante: >.>;;;;

As this is going on I think my thought are as follows... 'WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS GOING ON?! WHAT AM I DOING? Why can't I fucking stop, I don't understand what's going on any more, even...' Then it goes kind of blank as I freak him out more then any thing I have ever done before... We some how got to a weird part of the conversation, and I don't remember how... But the thing that sticks out in my mind is this...

Me: -cries- I WAS GONNA FUCKING ASK YOU TO MARRY ME...! I don't even know what I'm doing any more...
Dante: >.>;;;;;
Me: v.v;;; I'll just go, bye...
Dante: I'ma go to... I can't handle this shit right now... Latah...

I have no fucking idea what I was doing or thinking at that point, I think I was really tired. I haven't been getting much sleep lately... And now Henry prolly hates me... SO there goes some one else who will never speak to me again... v.v; My life is so fucked over just because I'm going to post this up... But I don't know what I may end up doing to myself if I didn't get t out some where. Dante's usually the one I go to to talk about every thing and any thing I need to, but I can't on this one... I was afraid I might hurt myself if I didn't get it out soon...

Oh... And just incase your wondering... Yeah, Dante does like me... He has for a while. He didn't tell me until I was starting to feel so alone and shit back right before Henry and me started going out... Back then I had Matt not he mind, s till, too... And he was jealous of them both... And I think I hurt him a lot when I started going out with Henry, but I want him to be happy... He's one of the greatest friends I have every had, online or off, and I don't know what I would ever do with out him...

Actually I do...

I'd die...

-Reno-

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