Thursday, March 31, 2005

I’m so never gonna see my phone again x.x…
So mom just said that if the phone bill is over this month, and if my grades are bad that my phone will be gone… So I’ve been so abusing the minutes before seven, and I have an F in geometry and D in Biology right now… I might as well just give her my phone right fucking now x.x;; She says I am just going to have to use the home phone from now on. And that won’t work too well, there’s always some one online, and no one can get through. THIS SUCKS ASS! –cries- She has no idea how hard I try in school. I just don’t understand. And when I try and ask for help, my teachers bitch me out for not understanding when every one else does… I know I could have done better with the talking on the phone, though. That’s my fault entirely.

So I’m just going to have to live with out my phone from now on. And even before my mom said that, I had already been feeling like shit. The whole Amos thing finally got to me. He is just so head over heels in love for me. He tells me I’m his world, and he would do anything for me… He’s gone so far as to say he wants to marry me and give me a baby… He’s always saying he treats me better than Henry and all this shit to get me to leave him. I just can’t handle it any more. I told him I just want to be with Henry, and that he can just be my friend. He doesn’t seem too happy about that, but he’s going to have to learn to live with the fact that I’m already married. And there’s nothing he can do to make me leave Henry. We’re already making the stupid plans for the real wedding some day.

On a white sand beach. No shoes. Very casual. With the sun setting behind us, and the shore beside. That’s always what I’ve wanted.

-goes away because Amos calls…-

-comes back… feels like fucking shit now… about to fucking cry again…-

Oh my fucking god… WHY DOES HE INSIST ON DOING THIS TO ME?! –shaking so badly from holding back so many emotions all trying to get out at once…-

So he got all weird on me… He’s all ‘I still love you, and I don’t feel like I got a good enough chance with you. I fell so alone now… Oh, but I’ll be okay. Don’t worry’ YEAH FUCKING RIGHT! Then he’s all ‘I’m not trying to put some kind of guilt trip on you or anything…’ And I know he’s lying… I know he knew damn well what he was doing.. He just wants me to go running back to him. And it’s not gonna happen. I will stand by my Henry no matter what happens. He’s still saying all this shit about him… HE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW HIM! Fucking ass hole… -gone from crying to wanting to take some thing to her throat or some one else’s…-

-growls- And now I got two of my friends wanting to kill themselves, and another one dying… FUCKING GREAT! JUST WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW…!

-sighs- Okay… I need to go calm down… I’ll talk to you guys later… Love you all. –hugs and kisses-

-Reno-

P.S – I promise I won’t hurt myself or any one else… And please don’t flip out, Henry. I’ll be fine. I promise…
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