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myOtaku.com: neo-neko-chan


Sunday, September 18, 2005


   *sigh* its a rant so i dont expect you to read it.
well i think ive fallen for one of my closest friends and i honestly dont think she likes me back like that. sometimes she makes me feel like she truely loves me and other times she makes me feel like she hates me... i just dont know what to think or do anymore. whats worse is im polyamorous and omg i hate it so much. i have always thought you should have absolute loyalty to you loved one but look at me now falling for more then one girl at the same time... i think if one were to voice that she liked me id be fine with being with her but at the same time i dont know... im 15, cant drive, live over an hour away from the nearest, broke, have bad grades, no redeeming(sp?) qualities at all,worlds lowest self-esteem (just admit you never would have guessed >>...), the list goes on but i just dont see why i would go out with a girl when 1) i cant be with her often if ever, 2) too afraid to even kiss her, 3) i cant even understand her... (like reading the signs and stuff...). i just think it would end off with me hurt and her hating me or something. i dont know im having dreams about the girls and i cant stop thinking about them. i hate it... i just wish i could do something...

fuck i sound like an idiot... i wish there was someone i could talk to... mersadee i have to wonder if she even likes me at all anymore, RakuDa-san is away, adina i know hates me and wont admit it, i dont want to talk to a person on their cell phone, and well everyone else is offline... i want to write but i dont know what... i want to draw but i suck and cant get the drawing from mind to paper. i dont know what to do i just want to go to a dark corner of a nowhere where its raining and the moons above and i can just sit there and hopefully cry... but who am i kidding, i can never cry when i need to... im going to go now... i... really need to be with someone right now... but no... im alone... always.... alone...

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