Thursday, April 6, 2006

disturbed kicks so much ass...
right so im in the library once again and ive gotten very little sleep lately. yesterday i was running on 2h and today was 3. im so tired. people think im ignoring them becasue im tired and doing my homework. ive been asked today by a few people "why are you ignoring everyone but meghan?" im not ignoring you for one, im doing my homework. two, meghan comes up and TALKS to me. you guys all just sit there and im lucky if i get so much as a hug from you. right so... what else... i cant remember anything. like i know everything i just dont know where or why i know it. i take the test and i cant remember any of it but i know all the answers. its weird. its been happening alot lately. then my eye sight gets worse with lack of sleep which though i havent discussed it with other AHBs (actual human beings) i assume it works that way with everyone. all i know is that i have wonderful vision normally and lately ive been doing everything with my eyes closed to prevent from giving myself a headache... for instance right now im typing with my eyes closed... *sigh*... some of my friends have been bugging me while im reading this "Night" book. its a really good book about this jew during WWII. its all a true story written first person from writer's (a survivor) point of view. anyways most people dont like it because they either cant handle it or feel guilty. i, being a jew, dont feel any guilt and have grown up on these stories and am thusly used to it and can fully appreciate this book. but there in lies the problem. im a jew. not by religion, but by birth. some people seem to have problems with me being a jew. they take pride in their being a german, italian, irish, english, scottish, polish, whatever, but i cant take pride in my heritage of being a jew? what the fuck? and even when i call them on it they avoid it. they wont come out and say it verbally but they continue to say it physically and mentally. it just pisses me off. besides everytime i find something to take pride in or just something i like everyone seems to shoot me down. i find a religion and everyone is all "your too obsessed!" something fun to do, "your too obsessed!" a band, "your too obsessed!" video games, "your too obsessed!" dnd, "your too obsessed!" everything, "your too obsessed!" and now my heritage? wtf is wrong with you people? do you not realize what your doing to me? you always complain, "oh your self-esteem is too low" though you dont use those exact words of course. its usually more of "you dont give yourself enough credit" or "your better then that" or whatever its all the same. point is you always say that but you guys help in making me that way! now those of you who are doing it are either getting mad right now because im calling you on it or are all sad and sorry about it. if its the first then go fuck yourselves! if its the latter then dont be sorry just dont do it! if you want to sit there and insult me then fine but i can only take so much before it gets old. if you want to joke around at least think about what your saying and how it might effect those your saying it to. and yes it is sad that i of all people should have to say this. now my only regret is that even though i say this so openly most people im trying to say this to dont know i have a blog...
Comments (0)