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Tuesday, May 17, 2005


Failing at succeding
Why must life be the way that it is....



wow.... that is alot to take in. This will be my first serius post in a while. I have realized that I am a bad friend. I can't do things without hurting people. I don't really know what to do. I am quite confused, and am a bit suprized. I thought that everything was going ok, but it was a huge front from all sides. I guess I am that oblivious. Strange though, I thought I had trust in my friends, and they had trust in me. This one beautiful girl that I thought really knew me, and really cared... is upset. I don't know exactly how to help her. I know that I need to change. I get it all the time from all sides, so it must be true. I am a freak. I have no need to stay. Everywhere I go i hurt people, so i might as well stay away from everyone. I want no pity. I want everyone to leave me alone for a little bit. I need to figure out how to live, because all i seem to do is anger, infuriate, or hurt others. Jordan, I love you and will never leave you, you possibly the best friend that I have ever had, and i would honestly die without you by my side. How I have lived these past 17 years without you i do not know. ****, I love you as well. You know who you are, and I am so so sorry that I have hurt you. That we have all hurt you. Sometimes it seems like I talk crap, but that is my feeble way of dealing with my insecurities. I know, pathetic. You were a wake up call to me. I am so so selfish. I am so sorry. I am sorry that I cant help anybody. I probably cannot fix what I have done, but I still will always love you my friend. Everyone else, I have probably hurt you too, just because I now konw that I am good at that. It has DEFINATLY been shown to me, so I will go. I love you all. I am sorry. Please comment, just to tell me if you are ok.....I love you

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