Thursday, December 21, 2006

   Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!!!!
hey, merry (almost) Christmas to everyone!!! fans of jak 2 will get the joke, and the rest will think it's funny. I think it's hilarious, but that's me. well, i didn't write this, just so you know. but don't you think it'd be so funny if carolers sang this??? XDD
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Twelve Days of Jak 2 Christmas

By Light-Eco-Sage

Almost the whole gang was at the Naughty Ottsel several days before Christmas. Not because they wanted to get drunk, but because Daxter had procrastinated on his decorating for Christmas, so now his demanding that everyone come and help.

“Uh… cherries…” Sig said to Daxter and Torn as he worked to festoon ribbons to the walls. “I won’t stand there if I was you.”

“What the hell, Sig?” Daxter yelled, “I can stand where ever the hell I want! It’s MY bar!”

“You can’t tell me what to do!” Torn yelled. “Just cause you have that stupid PeaceMaker, you think you can order me around, but you can’t!”

“Suit yourself, though you should know that that’s where Keira hung the mistletoe.” Sig laughed, then he added: “Pucker up.”

Torn and Daxter looked up and, indeed, there was mistletoe hanging from the ceiling. “Eww!” They both shouted as they jumped out from under it.

“Stupid mistletoe!” Torn spat as he gazed up at the innocent looking leaves. “Of all the stupid Christmas traditions!”

Suddenly, Jak stormed in and he looked mighty pissed. “DAXTER!”

“Watch out, Jak.” Daxter said, “You’re standing on the deadly spot!”

“Wha?” Jak looked up and saw the mistletoe, he quickly leapt out from under it. “Who put that up there?” Jak asked.

“Keira…” Daxter began, but Jak remembered his anger.

“Daxter, I have a problem with my… er… costume.” Jak said.

“Why?” Daxter asked, “It’s perfect for you!”

“I refuse to dress up as Santa Claus!” Jak roared.

“Come on, Jak, its business!” Daxter said. “You sit here, let a few kids sit on your lap and listen to their Christmas wishes! In the meantime their parents are buying a couple drinks! It’s foolproof! I’ll make a bunch of money! Beside, you’re already kind of fat…”

“Why you little…” Jak raged, “I am NOT fat!”

“You weigh more than I do!” Daxter retorted. Everyone stared at him.

“Daxter, you are a 10 pound rat. What am I suppose to do about that?” Jak said, then he added, “Besides, muscle weighs more than fat…”

“Boys, stop fighting!” Samos said, “It’s Christmas! Jak, please, for ONCE just swallow your pride and put on the suit!” Jak growled and walked into one of the back rooms. “Okay, when Jak gets back, we’ll sing Christmas songs!”

“Oh oh! I know which one we should do!” Daxter cried, “The Twelve Days of Christmas!’ Except, I hate the words. ‘A partridge in a pear tree?’ What is a ‘Partridge?’ And what the hell is a ‘Pear tree’ for that matter? Let’s make up our own words!”

“Good idea!” Everyone said as Jak walked in, wearing the Santa suit, beard and all. Everyone laughed.

“See, I knew you guys would laugh at me!” Jak growled.

“Just in time, Jak, we’re going to sing our own version of the ‘Twelve Days of Christmas!” Daxter said, “Oh, by the way, you get the first verse!”

“Wha?” Jak asked, then Daxter interrupted him.

“And a-one, and a-two!” The live band started playing.

(A/N: Since when did Daxter have a live band? They popped out of a plot-hole.)

Everyone sang:

“On the first day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Jak did some quick thinking before singing:

“An Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!”

Everyone sang:

“On the second day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Keira jumped in:

“Two Jet-Boards!”

Everyone sang:

“And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the third day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Daxter yelled out:

“Three hot chicks!”

Everyone sang:

“Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the fourth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Sig jumped in:

“Four Morph-Guns!”

Everyone sang:

“Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the fifth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Suddenly, Praxis ran in and yelled:

“Five Seals of Mar!”

Jak shot Praxis, then joined everyone in singing:

“Four Morph-Guns,

Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the sixth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Torn jumped in:

“Six Metal-Heads dyin’!”

Everyone sang:

“Five Seals of Mar!

Four Morph-Guns,

Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the seventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

A Krimzon Guard came in:

“Seven Guards a-runnin’!”

Everyone sang:

“Six Metal-Heads dyin’,

Five Seals of Mar!

Four Morph-Guns,

Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the eighth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:

Erol ran in:

“Eight Eco Treatments!”

Everyone, but Jak who was too busy killing Erol, sang:

“Seven Guards a-runnin’,

Six Metal-Heads dyin’,

Five Seals of Mar!

Four Morph-Guns,

Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the ninth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Daxter jumped in:

“Nine Krews a-floatin’!”

Everyone winched at the memory of the tub of lard, but sang:

“Eight Eco Treatments,

Seven Guards a-runnin’,

Six Metal-Heads dyin’,

Five Seals of Mar!

Four Morph-Guns,

Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the tenth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Sig jumped in:

“Ten Poopsie Bears!”

Everyone stared at Sig as they sang:

“Nine Krews a-floatin’,

Eight Eco Treatments,

Seven Guard a-runnin’,

Six Metal-Heads dyin’,

Five Seals of Mar!

Four Morph-Guns,

Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!

On the eleventh day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Keira jumped in:

“Eleven Jaks a-talkin’!”

Everyone sang:

“Ten Poopsie Bears,

Nine Krews a-floatin’,

Eight Eco Treatments,

Seven Guards a-runnin’,

Six Metal-Heads dyin’,

Five Seals of Mar!

Four Morph-Guns,

Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!”

“Bring it down!” Daxter called out.

Everyone sang:

“On the twelfth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:”

Jak sang:

“Twelve Darks a-slashin’!”

Everyone joined in:

“Eleven Jaks a-talkin’,

Ten Poopsie Bears,

Nine Krews a-floatin’,

Eight Eco Treatments,

Seven Guards a-runnin’,

Six Metal-Heads dyin’,

Five Seals of Mar!

Four Morph-Guns,

Three hot chicks,

Two Jet-Boards,

And an Ottsel on my shoulder just for me!”

Wow,” said Jak, “That was weird.”

“Oh, Jak!” Keira moved up on Jak and pulled down the fake beard. She motioned for him to look upwards, he did.

“Hey, that’s the mistletoe.” Jak said, then he realized that Keira was under the mistletoe with him, so did everyone else.

“Oh, now I know why Keira put up that stupid mistletoe!” Daxter said, “It was all an elaborate plan to get Jak to kiss her!”

“If I have to,” Jak said, but everyone knew that he wanted to. Everyone laughed as they shared a kiss under the mistletoe.

“Wait a minute, I’m suppose to interrupt you!” Daxter said, “Stop kissing her, Jak!” However, they were far too into each other by now. “Oh, well, Merry Christmas!”

Comments (1)