Friday, November 12, 2004

   Awful day... but I'm not gonna complain... about it anyway...

A young version of Sesshy showcasing how I feel right now: I am sitting here... eating ramen... wondering where the fuck my life went wrong. How did I get here... was it all the choices I made... or was it fate? Wondering why I feel so god damn worthless to the people that matter the most in my life. I know I shouldn't feel that way... but it's what has been in my head for the better part of the last few years. I'm supposed to concentrate on finding all the positive things in my life, so I can focus on them... so, here's a question for you: Why is it when ppl tell you that there is so much good in your life, it is always overshadowed by the pain, guilt, and suffering you have endured in existing? Life never "truly" gets better... it's just something humans say because of a trait called hope. The whole reason I am even still here on this junkheap we call a planet is to help everyone else I know make it through. The only thing postitve my mind can hold onto is helping others that can't adjust to the burdon. It's what gives me motivation to wake up in the morning... knowing I can be there for a friend. But doing so, backfires in a way... since it focuses on their problems... Everything going on in my head is making me feel useless, hypocritical (which I hate with a passion), and just SO GOD DAMNED ANGRY!!! See ppl... this is why apathy is BAD!!! You keep everything locked inside until one day, BOOM!!! everyone dies. :) Maybe that's what I wish eh? The end of the world? Be nice huh? No more pain or suffering of any kind... Current music: Spineshank "Violent Mood Swings" Current wish: the collapse of the universe :D Well... enough with the depressed lunatic rant, and on with the other stuff eh? Claiming a Path: You gaze into my eyes Only to witness death Blood upon the earth Listening for my last breath Are you satisfied now Setting me free from the pain My eyes now glaze over As you feel it start to rain You said that you saw my future What was it that you saw? I can make a bet without a doubt It was my one and only flaw The fact that I was just a human Living day to day with sin You looked at me as if confused Knowing not where to begin The truth is you began long ago With breaking my heart into pieces That you simply just forgot Of just how easily life ceases Now you lay my head upon the ground And begin to wonder why I chose for you to end my pain It makes you start to cry Why be so weary my friend Your sorrow has just begun Try looking to the sky In the direction of the sun One day you too will be free A life free of guilt & shame Will you be a sinner or a saint Which one do you claim? My Quote: "The only truth in life is the truth you are willing to see and accept... take what you want, and leave the rest"

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