a year
a year too many.
matt's been gone almost a year.
i remember being with him, this time last year.
i was sitting by his bed holding him.
it was the last thing i ever did with him.
but you know what, i'm sure that hes happy up there.
he did nothing but good.
so that makes him an angel right?
he'll be there for us when we die too.
he'll take our hand and lead us up into heaven.
mattie was never one to leave loved ones behind.
he's still here with us...
he always made people happy.
and he's always going to be here with us.
i miss him more everyday, but i know i'll see him again.
so if you guys ever get down like i do...
just look up.
talk to matt. he's up there. he'll talk back to you and help you, just like he always did.
Mood: I hate everything. Listening To:Blink 182::I Miss You Watching: Invisible Eating: Beef jerky. Reading: :: Evaluation of my Day:
C
I didn't have a good week.
I'm not going to drag it out, but I' having problems with Dakota.
He's not himself, like on Friday, it was nice and sunny out, but instead of wearing one of his nice shirts, Dakota wore this long sleeved black monster he dug out from his closet. Not only that, but he didn't look RIGHT. He had bags under his eyes and he looked sleepy.
So yeah, I sat with him at a table for lunch and out of the corner of my eye, I see him lift up the sleeve and itch himself. He had his arms under the table, but I saw these long and dark marks on his arm. My first thought was, "wtf, he must have heat rash." Then, I stopped. I've seen those marks before, on Mattie. They were cut marks.
FUCKING CUT MARKS. Well as soon as he noticed I was looking at him, he covered his arms up and left for his next class.
I don't know what the fuck is up. I don't know what I did, if I did anything at all. Maybe it was something I didn't do...I tried to talk to him about it but he said they were scratches from his new kitten. Then, today, I asked him of he wanted to go out to eat and he snapped at me. Swore too, which is something he never does. It seemed abrupt, but if I think about it, he's been getting more depressed each day. I have no idea why though. Because I didn't notice, I never asked. Now it's too late to ask.
Fuck, if this turns out like it did with Mattie, I'm just going to shoot myself.
I'm just a bad boyfriend. Ha, I don't even know what's wrong with him, never thought to ask until the other day. Fucking SHIT. What am I gonna do guys?
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Sunday, March 23, 2008
The heart has reasons not even the reason understands.
Mood: I hate Easter. Listening To:Blink 182::I Miss You Watching: Nightmare Before Christmas Eating: Bunnies. Chocolate bunnies. Reading:Read me now.::Meeeeeee. Evaluation of my Day:
C-
I don't like Easter.
You get 10 points if you know why.
So, I'm sitting here, alone, talking to my Britty and Haileeeeeeee.
And I wonder, why, in my History book, everything is in English, and yet, they have a Spanish dictionary.
Think about it.
If you read it in English, why would you have a Spanish dictionary?
Wtf.
That baffles me, I'm sorry.
Sooo, I figure that I'll still come on here.
I'll answer PMs.
Maybe even post.
Don't Ever Forget [Who You Are] for [Who You Want to Become]
Mood: Blah. Listening To: Nine in the Afternoon::Check Yes Juliet (Still, lol.) Watching: Independence Day Eating: Ice cream. Reading:To Kill a Mocking Bird::Harper Lee Evaluation of my Day:
C
Otaku feels weird now.
Different, not the same.
It was never the same after Mattie died.
It's never gonna be the same.
I don't think I'll be on anymore.
I'll answer PM's once in a while.
I don't think I belong here anymore, I disappoint too many people.
I'm sorry guys, but it'll be better without me.
Mood: EW DOUBLE SHIFTS EW Listening To: We the Kings::Check Yes Juliet (Still, lol.) Watching: Tim Gunn (<--- Love him.) Eating: Gummy Bears. Reading:Nothing::No One Evaluation of my Day:
B
My work schedule sucks total balls.
Seriously, I work weekends. D:
Only for a little bit though, till Tony gets back. >__>
Oh God, speaking of Tony, I have to tell you guys about him. XD
Also, yesterday, I worked over time for David cuz he didn't show up for work. I think his car crapped out again. >__<
K, so, Tony. He's 17, has pretty white teeth, and can look sexy while screwing a mop.
Anyways, this what happened today:
Tony: Boiling coffee turns me on. :D Me: .__. Tony: Get me a llama, I need something to let my manly urges out on. Me: Why a llama? Tony: Because llamas are sexy. Me: I'm sexy, use me. :D Tony: No. D: Me: Why not? D: Tony: Because, you're old. And saggy. And your butt hole is probably worn from over use. :D Me: D:<
He called me old. And saggy. And WORN.
Saggy.
Saggy.
Saggy.
SAGGY.
I'm not SAGGY.
I'm HUNG, FIT, and RIPPED.
D:<
If he weren't so funny I'd have socked him in the face.
K, so, I still don't know my anniversary date with Dakota. >__>
So pleeeease, if you guys know it..Tell the Bunny. D:
Mood: MC HAMMER MODE Listening To: We the Kings::Check Yes Juliet Watching: Spngebob Eating: Carrots. Reading:Daemon Hall::Andrew Nance Evaluation of my Day:
A
Soooo, what's up my little chickens?
I usually don't post on weekends, but what the heck. 8D
There's a first for everything.
Dakota's play went grrrrreat! He was bloody beauteeful on the stage.
I bought a bunch of flowers to throw onto the stage when he took his bow. XD
He loved them. C:
He's got such a lovely voice...
Speaking of voices!
My friend Funky (Ash, lol) has a little YouTube clip I want you all to take a look at.
She sang a bit of a song for her sweetie.
Make her feel good guys, she's pretty harsh on herself sometimes.
I hope that works...>__>
K, so anyways...I totally forgot my anniversary date with Dakota. >__<
Neither of us remember...I think is was November 11th or something like that...Bah.
If you guys remember, pwease let the Bunny know. :3
So, my little chickens, I love you all, and I gots to go to work now. D:
Mood: FOOTLOOSE. Listening To: Kenny Loggins::Footloose Watching: Myself making faces in the mirror. Eating: Chicken sandwich with my mom's super yummy mystery soup. Reading:Goddess of Yesterday::Caroline B. Cooney Evaluation of my Day:
B-, yay!
Tonight we're gonna cut loose
Footloose
Kick off your Sunday shoes
Please, Louise
Pull me off a my knees
Jack, get back
C'mon before we crack
Lose your blues
Everybody cut footloose!
In honor of Dakota's leading role in the musical "Footloose". C:
I love Dakota, I do I do I do I do I doooooo. He makes me feel like Mattie did...Like I'm always high.
Everything is so perfect about him. His hair, his eyes, his body, his voice, his personality, his teeth, his lips, his butt.
His butt is especially nice. ♥
Apple bottom butt, lawl.
Ah...Desy is crying.
I have to cut my post short. D:
http://img258.imageshack.us/img258/2830/awwwlb4.jpg
i don't give a fuck anymore.
sick your girlfriends on me.
i just don't give a f uck about living here anymore.
im done.
i lived for you, you know that?
the only reason im still here.
but you know what.
im done. dead. this time im not fucking around.
good bye.
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