Tuesday, August 2, 2005

   WOW... embarassment central here!
Richard: get ready to be freaked out by a part or two of this! Because I am sure this will freak you out. It is a little scary for me, but I said I would write it, and so I am... since I was unable to TELL you face to face in the car, this is the next best thing. Oh yeah... and at the end... please try not to die laughing!!! **when I have gone back and read my other posts, I am soo pathetic, and they made me laugh soo hard**

Anyway, so I went to sleep this morning around five, and woke up around six. So only an hour of sleep for me! Well, I got on-line and Brandon and I started talking. It was real funny. I can't really even remember what we talked about, but it was hillarious.

Then I went and layed back down in bed. Well, about five minutes later, Officer Stevens called me, asking me if I would like him to take me down to Englewood to file the chrage, he said he would be more than willing to do it, because I didn't really have a reliable ride. He had the day off, so it wasn't like he was on duty or anything like that though. I really wanted to, for one, to get the process started, and for two... to get to spend time with him! I spent the whole morning with him... and it was the best I had felt in a long time... but at the same time... hurt real bad because I know it is just an empty dream.

My mind tells me to give up, but my heart wont let me.

Why do I do this? Why can't I stop liking him?? I mean, I know he is taken, I know that there is nothing that can happen. I know, but yet, I still care. Why? I mean... like, love, lust; Don't ask me to tell you which one it is, I don't want to 'accept' the reality of it. I know the answer, I really do, but like I said earlier, when I say it, actually say it... it makes it more real. And I figure if I can barely deal this way, then how could I possibly deal with it when it became more real??

Anyway, so he picked me up and took me there... and then I talked with one of the girls and explained what happened. I was going to talk to the VA, but she was in court, so they said I could call her if I needed to. They also said that a detective should be in contact with me in about a week and if I don't hear from him, to give them a call also.

THEN... we (Richard and I) went back home... well, he droped me off at my house. But we talked a lot, and then I told him about how I have this otaku site and he had me write it down, so he is going to read my posts... wow, like my subject line, embarassment central! I mean, yes it is good that he will know. But on the other hand, he is also married so there is nothing I can get out of it. And he might think I am like a stalker or something.

Then lets see, after I got home, I took a nap for a few hours.

I got a call, and ironically enough it was the Denver PD, checking up, seeing if I would want to get things talked about, but I had already gotten it all started. And with officer stevens helping me, it didn't take a month!

Then I was walking around the block and I was so scared because I could have sworn to god that I saw Ben drive by and wave at me... except it was a differant car and color. But then that same vehical kept driving by. I honestly can't deal with this. He knows where I live, I feel I can't even go out side... fear he might be there... that he WILL be there.



ANYWAY: Yeah, this morning I found one of my old journals. And when I was reading it, I made me laugh... for only one part. Here it is:

Dear Journal, Today we had a free write so I wrote about my dream guy. He will be tall and handome. One thing that I really love and he will have to have is that accent... the one that sweeps me off my feet. I don't know right know which accent it is, but I could tell you if I heard it! Maybe he will be like a cop or something like that, so he could be able to protect me. Yeah, that would be my dream guy...

Anyway... there was a lot more, but I don't want to take the time to write all of it... it was like seven pages!! And the funny thing is... the thing that made me laugh... in my journal it explained his features (hair, eyes, ect) and here is the kicker... everything in it... in the journal was the same as Richard. Isn't it so funny we know things when we are young? I mean the description in my journal and Richard... it is the same. Funny huh? I was going to tell him this, and I told him that I wasn't going to post it, but I just have to.



He may be my prince charming... but he has found his cinderella.

I love you all.

~muah~ -=huggles=- and much love!


^Giggles^ this pic reminds me of him and I... like although I haven't even hugged him, but still, Similar looking, but not at all at the same time!!!! And I can wish!!

God, I like him so much... SOO MUCH!!


~*~Good night all~*~

^falls asleep to the memory of the sexy voice and accent of my crush^

HAH, I am sooo pathetic!
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