myOtaku.com: NormalChaos

myO Still <3's You

Vitals

Birthday
• 1988-06-19
Gender
• Female
Location
• Colorado - unfortunatly!
Member Since
• 2005-07-25
Occupation
• Poet! Animal foster care and student at collage. Becoming a vet or vet tech.
Real Name
• Elise

Personal

Achievements
• Got first in state in winter guard... and got eigth in state in marching band, all my freshman year. And that is all, I am pathetic.
Anime Fan Since
• I was born!!!
Favorite Anime
• Hard one... I like a few... maybe Inuyasha is like my all time favorite!! WHOO HOO!
Goals
• Do well in collage and help animals! Leave Colorado, there is too much shit going on here and it wont go away, or minimize. I can't handle it, and if I stay here, all the stress will ultimatly be the death of me.
Hobbies
• Apparently my biggest hobbie is crying because I do it every night, and sometimes during the day too. Riding horses, reading, talking on the phone, internet, hanging out with friends, watching TV, taking care of animals, singing.
Talents
• Crying?

myOtaku.com: NormalChaos

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Thoughts running wild!
Again I read another entry this evening that a young girl wrote anonamously. In it she says she had been raped and didn't know how to feel, and if the way she was feeling is normal. I replyed to her entry because I too have been through that and know the feeling. I wrote a poem about my rape the day I decided to tell my parents... so here it is...

Hundreds of restless nights,
filled with tears,
I curled up into a ball,
afraid to face my fears

Now I tell my secret,
to my mom and dad,
It's something I don't like,
a tragic tale to make everyone sad

I tried to ignore it,
pretend like it wasn't there
but I guess after a while
the pain was too much to bear

I layed awake at night
and wondered when I could speak
But never did I talk,
I just turned the other cheek

I couldn't tell anyone,
I figured it was my fault,
I just acted like a tramp,
I didn't want to confess assault

I watched him
smile at me everyday
and I put my head down
and began to pray

I wanted him
to dissapear,
after many months
he's still here

His face still haunts me
in my dreams
I still see everything
and hear my echoing screams

I never wanted to tell
the horrible things I did
I thought it would be better left unsaid
I thought it would be better if it was hid

I cried and sobbed
as I went to bed
wondering what would happen
in the future ahead

I couldn't deal with it any longer
and the hurt people began to see
I wasn't being myself,
I just wasn't being me

I remember that night,
and I always will,
I can remember everything
even now, still

I wish I was dead
as I lay down and cry.
It was all my fault,
I just want to lie

I want to pretend
like he wasn't even there
because then I don't have to cry
I don't have to care

I want to go to bed
and pretend like it was all a dream
but everytime I try that
I hear my own scared scream

I can't be touched
in a caring way,
Every kiss,
reminds me of that awful day

I sit and shudder,
as I think back,
I feel as though I'm still not on track

I need to cry
I need to be done
But I have a feeling
This hell has just begun...
Comments (1)

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