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Friday, June 6, 2008


June 6, 2008
Listening to: Nothing.
Wanting: To cry, leave the house, and cuddle.
Mood: Pissed, depressed, and lonely.
Quote: What do you do when the person you are living for is the one that is making you want to die?



Okay... So... I'm uberly depressed. This is beyond normal depression for me. I have been breaking down randomly since Monday. I'm not happy. The only time I feel happy is when I'm tlaking to Steven. Yes, I know that sounds pathetic.
Fuck. I'm so paranoid. I feel like something is watching me. Like my every move. Every sound seems so different to me right now. I've lost alot of weight. And I haven't slept much at all. I think I got three hours of sleep yesterday.
I've been trying to do anything to keep my mind busy. Writing, drawing, blogging, making CDs, making videos, cleaning, singing, talking to people, running, exercising, anything. It seems like everything is so.... Bam! Now. I don't know how to put it, it's just that everything sticks out now. It's rather freaky.
I don't really know what else to do except post about it here. No matter what happens I can't keep my mind busy. I still feel paranoid. Maybe it's juat a phase. I can't tell my mom about it. She already wants to take me to a shrink. And I am not fucking going to see a shrink.
None of my friends' are able to help me. The one that could is gone for the weekend. And the other one that could probably wouldn't and is away.
Anyway... I think I'll go. This is probably already boring enough for you.


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