Saturday, January 15, 2005

  I was planning on going to Battle of the Bands today; however, I wouldn't have very much time to stay there due to poker. Monday Jamie, Audrey, and few other people. Delaney, and I are going to go bowling. Seems fun.

I have been working out lately (mainly punching around the 'ol punching bag.) It seems to be getting a little frustration out of me.

So basically Amber doesn't want to be my friend anymore. Hmmm. Isn't that so kind of her?! Yea, well, basically she said, If you want to be my friend, fine whatever, and if you dont want to be my firend then same goes for me." So bascially by using a lot of words, she said she doesn't care about our friendship. I don't understand where I went wrong. Or was I even wrong at all. I understand she has a lot of shit going on at home, but so do I. I just don;t feel the need to tell everyone my life story. Especailly friends, seeing as how this friendship ended, Im sure I'll regret telling her a few things about my past. She cliams my voice was the same as when I yelled at her for throwing my shit on the floor. Now. I don't know exactly how my voice sounds to another person, but I do know that it wasn't meant to seem rude. If anything, I was joking. Which she should know by now. I figured we were good friends. Meaning that we'll do almost anything to continue being friends. But I guess it was meerly my imagination. I mean, I thought of her as a great friend. But if she isn't willing to be friends anymore, then why should I care?! I dunno why... perhaps its because I have never had a friend who would lead on a good friendship, then all of a sudden over something so petty, he/she just stops caring about you and basically ignores you for the entire day. She also claims I am the one who is avoiding her. WTF?! I am willing to talk with her, yet she is the one who seems to be going out of her way to avoid me. She speeds up past me in the halls. She desn't look at me. She hasn't said a word to me... and I hate to admit it, but it hurts like hell to know that a friend you cherished is just going to say, "FUCK YOU!" to the friendship because of something that wasn't even meant in the way it was first thought. If I meant my comment to be hurtful, trust me, I would have said the thing with so much anger in my voice or would have done something I knew 100% that would hurt the person. I have yet to do that to a friend, and I refuse to ever do anythig like that to a friend. I thought she knew that by now. But I guess not.

Amber probably wont even read this, but if she does, you now know how much I cherished our friendship and that everything is not the way you thought it was (refering to my "maean" comment.)

I am glad she has an online friend she likes a lot, but I'd never think she'd be... I dunno. I should just shut the fuck up now seeing as how everything I say seems to annoy people this week. Whatever. I have to go and eat dinner before I get into more trouble.

Hopefully being with Delaney and everyone else this weekend will turn around this shitty week.... Keh.


_-=Christin=-_
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