Tuesday, October 12, 2004

   Funny As Hell... But Hey, Is Hell Really All That Funny?
I thought that this was funny. read it.



Things To Do At Wal*Mart:
•Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
•Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.
•Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
•Start playing Football; see how many people you can get to join in.
•Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
•Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn the volumes to "10".
•Play with the automatic doors.
•Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.
•Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk around the store casually.
•Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.
•Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.
•As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
•Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
•Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
•Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
•Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
•Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.
•Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.
•When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
•When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
•Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
•Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
•Take bets on the battle described above.
•While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.
•Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission:Impossible."
•Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.
•Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.
•Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
•"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
•Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, "pick me! pick me!"and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
•When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
•Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
•Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."
•When someone steps away from their cart to look at something,quickly make off with it without saying a word.
•Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.
•Hold indoor shopping cart races.
•Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
•When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
•get an XXXL pair of pants and shirt and attempt to fit 1 person in each leg.
•Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
•Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies?"
•Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"
•Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
•Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.
•Run around the store w/ your friend each carrying DEPENDS and wearing big grandma sunglasses


Yep yep... I plan to do that list someday... ^__^

~oatz

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