Monday, July 11, 2005

   OHIOOOO.
Yes. Ohio. Just got back a few hours ago. And I tell ya, that was some time. Michael is very good at torturing me, but he's possible to live with if you have a high tolerance. My sister though. God. Trying to convert me, I tell ya. I was hanging out with three kids the whole time, the oldest still five years behind me. It wasn't the thrill of my life, but I was content I suppose.

I got to meet that kid across the street. The other one named Michael, a year older than me. He didn't stick around long. *shrugs* Whatever. I wasn't expecting anything. I had fun with his little brother though.

What else?

Oh. I left my gamecube down there. -_- I'm not getting it back for another 6 months or so. Sucks to be me, eh? Hopefully I'll get some good things for my birthday to entertain me. ( Birthday in 15 days - Woot! )

While we were down there we went to this old-fasioned movie theater and saw Howl's Moving Castle. For those of you a bit more anti-anime than the rest of us, its a studio Ghibli release. By the famous Hayao Miyazaki (Excuse me if that's spelled wrong, I'm tired)It lived up to one of his films, I can say that much. Howl is... Heheh. ^_^ Yeah.

I finished a decent sized Eternal Souls comic! =D Yay for me! Not that any of you will know what Eternal Souls is. ^^ Oh well.

And that ends todays episode. Have fun kiddies.

-Myste

P.S. Those trying to keep up with my emotional half, I'm still as lost as when I left. Just trying not to think about it. What else is knew, eh?
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Monday, July 4, 2005

   (no subject)
God am I confused. What else is new, right? But this isn't the usual lost state of mind. So many figures of my past are coming back into my mind, into my life, and all at once. I don't know if it's good or bad. I don't know if I want to see them again. I don't know if I want to feel the things I'm feeling.

I used to think I build up a personal firewall around myself that no form of emotion could break through. I thought I was safe from this feeling of ache, these feelings that are so familiar to me and yet to forien.

I'm so confused. My future is so hazy right now. I don't know what to do. I don't know who I should be, what I should be focusing on, or really even who I am right now. Being oblivious of yourself in the future is normal, but what if all of a sudden you figure out you don't know who you are now?

Things are becoming different. Change is infecting my lifestyle. No, I'm not exactly happy. But I'm not in a state of total melancholy either. I'd rather continue living my dull life than return to that hurtful and uncertain passage of time.

I don't have anyone to ask for advice. I don't have anyone to give me the answers. There's no practice shots, no going back because you made a mistake. This is life... You must be risky and impulsive to survive it in a state of true bliss. But I'm not either of those. Even when I do try to, I weigh my options infront of me, and I go with the easier path.

I don't swim the river, I walk ten miles downstream to the bridge. But more often than not the bridge gives way when I'm halfway across, and I get washed away by the rapids.

Maybe playing it safe isn't so smart. Maybe I should try and renew my faith in these people, this person, and dive head first. Afterall, it's better to expect the plung to be caught off guard, right?

Ugh. It's late at night and my profound personality is emerging. I'm not making any sense. I need to go to sleep... And yet I know I won't be able to do that.

I have too much on my mind.

Myste / July 4th / 5AM
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Thursday, June 16, 2005

   Back from Florida!
Turns out I liked Florida more than I thought I would. As suspected, we didn't do much, but I bonded with distant family. There's a lot of things to write about such as walking along the beach 4am in the morning while it was pitch black out, or when we went out on a boat over croc infested waters. But I'm just giving you the basics, no details today. Too many other things to write about.

Positive Florida-
Bonded with Uncle and Aunt
Went to Sea World
Got lots of souvenires
Enjoyed great homemade food
Got my own room
Went to the beach twice
Got seashells and stuff
Made a friend- Bailey

Negative Florida-
Too hot
Too many bugs
Almost fed to the crocks
Lots of Rain
Dogs weren't allowed on the beach
Had to meet too many people
Spent 16 hours in the car on the drive to
Spent 18 hours in the car on the drive back
Got homesick too fast

--Eh. Maybe I complain too much.--

Now on to the important stuff.

Mario says he's kicking Gwen and Tristan out again. Which means I no longer get to see Kayleen whenever I want. They'll probably move back to NJ and by the next time I see her she won't remember me. Like last time.

He promised me he would give them to the end of June before making any decisions. Well it aint June and he says they have 10 days to get out. Which means 9 left. Where the heck does he expect them to go?!

He called while the phone was downstairs so no one answer it. I'm the one who found the voice mail. He called picgs - And that's the nicest of his titles for them, repeatedly insulted both Gwen and Tristan, won't listen to reason... There's so many things. I can't stand him. I understand his position well enough, but for crying out loud. They have the money to pay their bills! But well he listen? Of course not. Of course not.

At this very second, I'm completely and utterly miserable. I don't know what to dow ith myself. So before I really start rambling, I'mm going to bring this to an end. Ciao.




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Monday, May 30, 2005

   Florida
Well this is going to be my last entry for a while. I'm stuck going to Florida. I know what you're thinking, "Oooh, big bummer. *rolls eyes*" But I assure you this isn't going to be the funnest vacation of my life. I were planning to bring Danielle, but she bailed on us. So it's probably just me and my mom, and she can't walk around all day, so unless I somehow manage to make a friend down there we're not even going to Disney World. >_< That would be a blast. But oh well.

The main reason we're going is to visit family. But while I'm down there I still have to keep up with my school work because I'm not finished yet, and I'm going to have to get up early and go to bed before 4am. >_> It aint gonna be too fun.

AND after that, I have to go immidiately to Ohio. I don't even think I get to spend a day at home! So first we go to FL to visit family, and then I get shipped off to OH to visit more family! Oh joy.

I might be back in a YEAR or so.
(Actually it should only be three weeks or so, maybe four.)
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Sunday, May 22, 2005

Beef Stu!
Today I made beef stu. =0 Fear me.

A short entry to counter an extremely long entry. Don't read it, your brain'll rott.
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Saturday, May 21, 2005

   No subject.
I don't think I can get more confused than I am at this exact moment, although I shouldn't tempt my luck.

Chances are not one of you who reads this will understand for several different reasons, such being who the people behind the name's are, what exactly is going on, but I really have to vent.

I know Gwen and Tristan aren't going to appriciate me posting their life problems online, but for christ's sake, who's gonna see?

Gwen, Tristan, I want you both to read this entire thing. Don't stop in the middle, because you'll only prove me right. If your daughter, if your parents, if I mean anything to you, read it.

We had to babysit Kayleen all this week, from 12-6pm. Usually we get at least two days off. I found this a bit peculiar, but hey, what do I know about the working world? Apparently a bit more than I think I know.

Turns out Tristan quit his job. The manager was giving him crap, so he just walked off, after throwing one of his fits of course. He's been out of work since Tuesday, or something, I don't know.

They haven't been paying their bills. I think it's the electric bill, they haven't paid the last two and the third one just arrived. So when they call to say they arrived in NJ safely (they're going because Tristan has to go to a funeral for his grandfather, but that's in Washington DC, not New Jersey, and Gwen isn't going to the funeral so why the heck did she go in the first place?) Anyway, when they called, she told them about the bill. Gwen put Tristan on, and he said he sent in the payment a week to a week and a half ago.

Well god damnit Tristan, you've lied so much we can't separate truth from the fib anymore. How the heck do you expect us to believe you? And this is coming from a fourteen year old, I don't know the half of what my mom and Uncle Joey know.

Mario says he's going to kick them out. I won't put it past him. I've said, "If he kicks them out, he won't be seeing me anymore." But can you blame him form what you've heard? From what you know? He has a responsibility as their landlord to make sure they pay the bills and keep the place in decent condition. If they fail to meat requirments, they are to be evicted. Mario can't pay your bills for you, guys.

They're not even looking after the house. Alright, I know you're all tired from working. But god, will it hurt to throw your laundry in a basket instead of tossing it down the stairs? Can't you at least soak your dishes after eating on them so they're not all crusty? When you spill something on the stove, is it so hard to grab a rag and wipe it off?

And what about Kayleen? I know this seems like no big deal, but the kid's fingernails are too long. If she falls right, they can come completely off and I'll tell ya, that burns. I gave you a nail clipper two weeks ago, and you haven't done a thing. I bet you can't even find it.

What about this? We ask for a change of clean clothes because we give Kay a bath for them, and a few days ago the excuse is, "She kept grabbing the clothes out and stepping on them." God Gwen, she's two years old. Put your foot down and give us a clean shirt.

Her sandals are too big for her. She wears a size six? Those are a six eight. She falls in them all the time. And you wonder why her knees are so scraped up. "Well she doesn't like any other sandals and won't wear them." Who's the parent, you or her?

And that's only Kayleen. What about things that have been done to my mother and Uncle Joey?

They come to help you set up a budget, and you don't even listen to them. Tristan throws a hissy fit, and Gwen, you just go right along with it. You critisized my mom right in front of me. I know you both apologized, but sometimes that just isn't enough.

Gwen, you're father's hurt. You never even once brough Kayleen to visit him. You never call him unless you need something. My god, I know I'm not one to talk, but this is your father. I know I don't appreciate mine, but he slams me into refrigerators and likes to see how far my wrists can twist before the bone snaps. Your father has genuine care.

Okay, this next part is going to sound selfish. But fine, I'm selfish. I want to be selfish when it comes to this. Because it isn't fair to Kayleen, and it isn't fair to me. Hell, it isn't fair to anyone.

You lied to me. the other night, I IMed you on your s/n and asked who it was.

"both"
"Oh. But shouldn't Tristan be at work?"

Long silence before I get an answer.

"gwen typing, im on the phone with him"

Can you get anymore obvious? I knew it was a lie. Do you really take me as that naive? I'm not a little kid anymore, I don't worship you anymore Gwen. I can tell when I'm being lied to. And coming from you? You have no idea. You haven't the slightest clue how much that hurts me.

And what if you move back to New Jersey? Do you think it's right that my mom and I have spent more time with your daughter than you two have over the past few weeks? She doesn't want to leave with you when you some to pick her up, does she? She cries, doesn't she? You know why? Because she loves us. She loves being around us. She actually has fun. We take her outside, we let her play in the bath water, Zach comes over and she has someone her own age to hang out with. We also tell her when she needs to behave, when she's getting out of hand. And you know what? She listens. You know why? Because she respects us as the dominant persons, she knows she can't win, and she stopped trying. She also knows she can push you around easily, and Daddy won't yell because he's too engrossed in the video game he's playing.

It won't be right to tear her so suddenly away from bonds as strong as we've developed. I love Kayleen with all my heart. I love her with everything I'm about, and I can't bare the thought of only seeing her once a year.

When you become a parent, you're no longer first. Your significant other is no longer second. Kayleen is number one. Don't you realize that?

Do you have any clue how much it tore me apart when I was younger, when you got on that plane and left? Every time I cried, and I cried for hours. You were everything I wanted to be.

So Gwen, tell me... What happened? Who are you now? Are you a mother? Or are you a child?

And do you want Kayleen to have to cry like that everytime I leave? Do you want her to feel that seering pain of abdandonment? Yes, that's what it feels like. Being abandoned. Can you even begin to imagine?

And now it's Tristan's turn. You always ask me what's wrong, right? I always say nothing. But it isn't true. I just didn't want to tell you until now. I've held back because I thought it was more important for you not to be mad at me than it was to hear what I had to say. Well, I changed my mind.

You are what's wrong. I come to visit, and I listen to you whine about things like how everyone is butting into your business, about how people keep geving you shit. Tristan, grow up already. You complain more than my father, and that's really saying something.

You whine and moan and groan, "I don't want to go to work." Well you're a father, and you're going to be a husband. The responsibility falls on you. You provide for that family, you grit your teeth and bare the buttshit they dish out at you at work, and then come home and leave your problems at the doorstep. They'll be waiting for you in the morning. But when you're home, show your daughter how glad you are to have her. Show your fiance you love her by doing simple little things, like taking your own shoes off and on for example.

Or doing the dishes. Or cleaning up Kayleen's toys. Or putting down your nintendo conroller for a moment to see why Gwen's caling you. Or let her watch what she wants to watch on TV once in a while. There's so much more I can name, its pittiful.

It really sucks you both need to hear this from a fourteen year old kid, but someone has to tell you. If it had to be me, then so be it.

Truth is, you both need to wake up and smell the dog shit. Life sucks, that's the reality of it all. But its your job as parents to take the crap for your daughter now. Don't want the responsibility? How can you even THINK about having another child?

I don't understand either one of you. And if you want to be pissed off at me, then be pissed off at me. But take to heart some of the things I've said.

There's so much more. It's a start, though.
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Friday, May 20, 2005

   Furcadia Trouble
Grr! Furcadia won't work and I can't figure out why! It works for a friend of mine just fine, but nope, not me.

They say when you have connection problems to change your port connections. Well I tried a few combonations without any luck, then got my friend to look up what hers were so I could try that. Nothing.

I can't even go to the website. It keeps saying "Page cannot be dispayed." Uhg.

I even ran the furcadia troubleshooting test, and they set my ports for me. So I should be able to connect, but it still isn't working. I don't understand. The ports are definately the problem, because they can't seem to connect.

I dunno, maybe it's me. I don't know crap about computers. Maybe I have suddenly developed a freaking firewall, or my cookies are disabling it, I don't know.

But it's aggrivating. x_x
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   Been Thinking
Okay, it's been established that I think waaaay too much. It's one oft he things I love about myself, but at the same time something I hate about myself. Why can't i just be like every other mindless teenager walking around the streets like a brain dead moron? Heh. Alright, so I guess I don't make it sound all that appealing.

Anyway, the random thoughts that forced there way through my mind today while I was considering adding another post or not, were triggered from this AMV I recently downloaded.

The lyrics are something like...

We are the Cartoon Heroes
We are the ones who're gonna last forever
We came out of a crazy mind
And walked out on a piece of paper

And then I got to thinking, "Hm. It's true. Anime characters are unmoved by the passage of time, but as for me, every second that ticks by is another second possibly wasted. I'm not going to last forever, so what am I doing with my life?"

And then came, "Maybe that's why I enjoy setting up storylines and plots for characters of my own creation. Maybe that's why I so badly share the dream of creating an anime/manga or cartoon/comic, whatever you want to call it."

Hmn. I don't know. As I said, I think too much. Sometimes it can be really deep, but other times it's kind of pointless. Ah well, that's about it.

I'm off to watch Ranma. Or sleep if I'm lucky. But I'm not a very lucky person.
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Tuesday, May 17, 2005

   Bird Watching!
It's 7:36am and I haven't gone to bed yet! =D And we have to babysit Kayleen today...o_o Ugh. I think I regret not sleeping already... Oh well.

I just spent the last two and a half hours bird watching from my window. I was afraid to climb out on my roof because my father was supposed to be getting home, and I'd be grounded for like.. ever.. if he caught me out there.

Though as it is, I could have been out there the entire time and he'd never have known.

Anyway. I went downstairs and got bread, came back up and started tossing it out into the street (which is empty this time of day, I'm not trying to murder innocent little birds) and onto my roof. It was actually really amusing.

For the last half hour I had a music box going, and it was like... tranquility to the max. Heh heh. It was fun! I should actually go to bed at night so I could do that more often. It's funny watching my neighborhood spring to life. (Haha, I know. Shoosh, I'm too tired to realize I'm tired, I think everything's funny)

But anyway, I think that's about it for now. Besides, Rhio is on! =D Not that we're rping... =/ But I'll take what I can get for now.

Off with you!
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   AMVs!
Alright, so once again I'm sitting here waiting for Rhio to get on (pitiful, aint I? xD). 'Nyways, I got bored and wasn't satisfied listening to any of my music, so what do I do? Well Anime Music Videos, of course!

So far I've only downloaded about four of five, but I just had to do this before I either forgot, or lost the chance. Here are my favorite videos of this download, sorted by genre, no specific order.

Favorite Funny AMV:
Title- It's Tricky to Make and Anime Music Video
Created by - BogoSort
Anime- Various
Comments- If you look, then Asuka and Shinji are fighting over the remote, Vash is on the tv. x3

***WARNING: MILD SPOILERS***
Favorite Romance AMV:
Title- Angel of Mine
Created by- KawaiiBlackKitten
Anime- DNAngel
Comments- I loved how well everything went together. The song, the video clips, everything. It was a really beautiful video. ^^

But okay, back to my downloading.

Toodles.

By the way. The website is www.animemusicvideos.org

You'll love it, I promise.

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