Saturday, May 21, 2005

   No subject.
I don't think I can get more confused than I am at this exact moment, although I shouldn't tempt my luck.

Chances are not one of you who reads this will understand for several different reasons, such being who the people behind the name's are, what exactly is going on, but I really have to vent.

I know Gwen and Tristan aren't going to appriciate me posting their life problems online, but for christ's sake, who's gonna see?

Gwen, Tristan, I want you both to read this entire thing. Don't stop in the middle, because you'll only prove me right. If your daughter, if your parents, if I mean anything to you, read it.

We had to babysit Kayleen all this week, from 12-6pm. Usually we get at least two days off. I found this a bit peculiar, but hey, what do I know about the working world? Apparently a bit more than I think I know.

Turns out Tristan quit his job. The manager was giving him crap, so he just walked off, after throwing one of his fits of course. He's been out of work since Tuesday, or something, I don't know.

They haven't been paying their bills. I think it's the electric bill, they haven't paid the last two and the third one just arrived. So when they call to say they arrived in NJ safely (they're going because Tristan has to go to a funeral for his grandfather, but that's in Washington DC, not New Jersey, and Gwen isn't going to the funeral so why the heck did she go in the first place?) Anyway, when they called, she told them about the bill. Gwen put Tristan on, and he said he sent in the payment a week to a week and a half ago.

Well god damnit Tristan, you've lied so much we can't separate truth from the fib anymore. How the heck do you expect us to believe you? And this is coming from a fourteen year old, I don't know the half of what my mom and Uncle Joey know.

Mario says he's going to kick them out. I won't put it past him. I've said, "If he kicks them out, he won't be seeing me anymore." But can you blame him form what you've heard? From what you know? He has a responsibility as their landlord to make sure they pay the bills and keep the place in decent condition. If they fail to meat requirments, they are to be evicted. Mario can't pay your bills for you, guys.

They're not even looking after the house. Alright, I know you're all tired from working. But god, will it hurt to throw your laundry in a basket instead of tossing it down the stairs? Can't you at least soak your dishes after eating on them so they're not all crusty? When you spill something on the stove, is it so hard to grab a rag and wipe it off?

And what about Kayleen? I know this seems like no big deal, but the kid's fingernails are too long. If she falls right, they can come completely off and I'll tell ya, that burns. I gave you a nail clipper two weeks ago, and you haven't done a thing. I bet you can't even find it.

What about this? We ask for a change of clean clothes because we give Kay a bath for them, and a few days ago the excuse is, "She kept grabbing the clothes out and stepping on them." God Gwen, she's two years old. Put your foot down and give us a clean shirt.

Her sandals are too big for her. She wears a size six? Those are a six eight. She falls in them all the time. And you wonder why her knees are so scraped up. "Well she doesn't like any other sandals and won't wear them." Who's the parent, you or her?

And that's only Kayleen. What about things that have been done to my mother and Uncle Joey?

They come to help you set up a budget, and you don't even listen to them. Tristan throws a hissy fit, and Gwen, you just go right along with it. You critisized my mom right in front of me. I know you both apologized, but sometimes that just isn't enough.

Gwen, you're father's hurt. You never even once brough Kayleen to visit him. You never call him unless you need something. My god, I know I'm not one to talk, but this is your father. I know I don't appreciate mine, but he slams me into refrigerators and likes to see how far my wrists can twist before the bone snaps. Your father has genuine care.

Okay, this next part is going to sound selfish. But fine, I'm selfish. I want to be selfish when it comes to this. Because it isn't fair to Kayleen, and it isn't fair to me. Hell, it isn't fair to anyone.

You lied to me. the other night, I IMed you on your s/n and asked who it was.

"both"
"Oh. But shouldn't Tristan be at work?"

Long silence before I get an answer.

"gwen typing, im on the phone with him"

Can you get anymore obvious? I knew it was a lie. Do you really take me as that naive? I'm not a little kid anymore, I don't worship you anymore Gwen. I can tell when I'm being lied to. And coming from you? You have no idea. You haven't the slightest clue how much that hurts me.

And what if you move back to New Jersey? Do you think it's right that my mom and I have spent more time with your daughter than you two have over the past few weeks? She doesn't want to leave with you when you some to pick her up, does she? She cries, doesn't she? You know why? Because she loves us. She loves being around us. She actually has fun. We take her outside, we let her play in the bath water, Zach comes over and she has someone her own age to hang out with. We also tell her when she needs to behave, when she's getting out of hand. And you know what? She listens. You know why? Because she respects us as the dominant persons, she knows she can't win, and she stopped trying. She also knows she can push you around easily, and Daddy won't yell because he's too engrossed in the video game he's playing.

It won't be right to tear her so suddenly away from bonds as strong as we've developed. I love Kayleen with all my heart. I love her with everything I'm about, and I can't bare the thought of only seeing her once a year.

When you become a parent, you're no longer first. Your significant other is no longer second. Kayleen is number one. Don't you realize that?

Do you have any clue how much it tore me apart when I was younger, when you got on that plane and left? Every time I cried, and I cried for hours. You were everything I wanted to be.

So Gwen, tell me... What happened? Who are you now? Are you a mother? Or are you a child?

And do you want Kayleen to have to cry like that everytime I leave? Do you want her to feel that seering pain of abdandonment? Yes, that's what it feels like. Being abandoned. Can you even begin to imagine?

And now it's Tristan's turn. You always ask me what's wrong, right? I always say nothing. But it isn't true. I just didn't want to tell you until now. I've held back because I thought it was more important for you not to be mad at me than it was to hear what I had to say. Well, I changed my mind.

You are what's wrong. I come to visit, and I listen to you whine about things like how everyone is butting into your business, about how people keep geving you shit. Tristan, grow up already. You complain more than my father, and that's really saying something.

You whine and moan and groan, "I don't want to go to work." Well you're a father, and you're going to be a husband. The responsibility falls on you. You provide for that family, you grit your teeth and bare the buttshit they dish out at you at work, and then come home and leave your problems at the doorstep. They'll be waiting for you in the morning. But when you're home, show your daughter how glad you are to have her. Show your fiance you love her by doing simple little things, like taking your own shoes off and on for example.

Or doing the dishes. Or cleaning up Kayleen's toys. Or putting down your nintendo conroller for a moment to see why Gwen's caling you. Or let her watch what she wants to watch on TV once in a while. There's so much more I can name, its pittiful.

It really sucks you both need to hear this from a fourteen year old kid, but someone has to tell you. If it had to be me, then so be it.

Truth is, you both need to wake up and smell the dog shit. Life sucks, that's the reality of it all. But its your job as parents to take the crap for your daughter now. Don't want the responsibility? How can you even THINK about having another child?

I don't understand either one of you. And if you want to be pissed off at me, then be pissed off at me. But take to heart some of the things I've said.

There's so much more. It's a start, though.
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