Thursday, October 25, 2007

The Story Of Two Roses

Once upon a time
There were two roses

The other was blue
With icy petals and white leaves

The other was red
With silky petals and long roots

Blue rose grew fragile in the north
Surrounded by nothing but blizzard

Red rose grew lonely in the south
In the middle of stingy thorns

After many long, long years
The roots of the red rose reached the roots of the blue one

The roots twined together
With a voiceless understanding

And after some years
Grew a new rose

A lovely white one
With white, silky petals and long, strong roots.


Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

UPDATE!

I know you've all been waiting for this!

Close To The Edge has a new chapter now!!!

Off to read you go!

~Kaisa~

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Okay, an update. Finally.

So I posted a new chapter of Tabula Rasa and I'm working on the next chapter of Close To The Edge.

I've also gotten an idea for a short story, and it'll be up once I get the Others-section under control.

Keep reading!

-Kaisa, author of One Word


Comments (2) | Permalink

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Update

Close To The Edge has its own site now, make you sure you visit it!

Now most of you probably wonder why I make sites for every story.

Well, now that there won't be the "chapter-poem-other story's chapter-poem-chapter"-problem I can write all the stories in any order I want. So Tabula Rasa will be updated again, as well as CTTE!

So look out for new chapters!

~One Word~


Comments (3) | Permalink

Thursday, July 5, 2007

This is the story I wrote for the FutureNovelist's writing challenge. I hope you enjoy it!

--------------------------------------------------

Click

Click. Click.

“What’re you doing?”

Click.

”What does it look like? I’m taking pictures.”

Click. Click.

“Of what? I fit were cute guys and flowers and landscapes I’d get it, but not the center of the mall.”

Click.

“I’m expanding my artistic view.” The camera disappears in the backpack.

“I didn’t understand jack about that, but whatever.”

“Yeah, whatever. And what was your great hobby again? Luring guys in and taking their money?”

“No! I can’t help it if they want to buy me dinner and goodies.” Lipstick is added. Hands that look like they’ve been in a manicure lately push back strands of black hair.

“…and an invitation to their beds.”

“That’s just a bonus really.” A sigh, clearly letting the other know the blonde’s opinion on the matter.

“Seriously, when’s the last time you went on a date?”

“6 months ago.” The black haired young woman gasps loudly.

“Geez, someone needs a little action. Hey, I’m going to this club tonight and-”

“Not interested.”

“Why?”

“Gotta arrange some pictures.”

“Can’t you do it any other time? Kate, you spend way too much time with your pictures.”

“Nope. My place’s a mess already. And you spend too much time in clubs and bars and recovering from hangovers.”

“That might be true, but at least I have a life!” The duo starts walking out of the mall.

“Sure you do, and a very healthy one at that!”

“Sarcasm doesn’t work on me, missy.” Doors slide open and the smell of fresh air is addicting.

“By the way, didn’t you get that stupid camera 6 months ago?”

~*~*~*~

Yes. It was a gift from my boyfriend, who was well aware of my hobby. It was one of the happiest birthdays of my life.

Probably the last one too.

After I left Laura on the bus station I headed for my apartment.

It’s a pretty small place, and very dark too. See, my hobby is photographing, and it’s impossible to develop pictures in daylight. And as much as my friends beg me to show them my pictures, I won’t. Not because I’m ashamed.

It’s because my pictures aren’t normal.

No, they’re not as perfect or as crappy as can be. It’s because the people I took the picture of aren’t present in the picture.

Their true selves are.

Let me tell you something: about a week after my boyfriend gave me my camera I took a picture of a loving couple. They were kissing in the park at the time. Nothing unusual, so I developed the picture like always.

The picture that came out was completely different.

The background was the same, but the couple was different. The man had blood on his face and he was smirking. The woman was kneeling on the ground and was tightly in a leash. The man was holding the other end of the leash. The woman looked like she was in pain and screaming her heart out.

Another example.

I took a picture of a group of girls at the mall; three teen-age girls, chatting about normal stuff, completely innocent and normal. In the photo I developed there was a hooker, a girl with lots of cuts, bruises and a slit wrist and a girl who looked like she thought she was above everyone else.

A few weeks later I broke up with my boyfriend. He said that he would ask me to marry him pretty soon, but I wasn’t ready for it. So we broke up. But we’re still good friends, though I know he wants more.

I arrived at my place and took the camera out of my backpack. It was a normal camera. Nothing unusual about it, I was the person who opened the box it was in and no one else had touched it before (excluding the people at the factory). It just made the photos turn into something supernatural when they were developed. But for some reason it didn’t freak me out. I became more and more curious.

I developed the pictures I took at the mall. It was interesting to look at all the beings in the picture. No humans. Except that all the kids were normal. The camera turned anyone’s insides out, unless it was a kid. I dunno, maybe kids were too innocent or something.

But there was something else that did freak me out.

It was the voices I started hearing after I took the photo with the three girls.

All I had to do was lie down on my bed and the noise started.

“Help me!”

“Shut up, you bitch!”

“I want my mom back…”

“Who should I pick tonight? Jason wasn’t that bad…”

“Why am I wasting my time with these losers?”

“I wish I could just shoot that bastar-”

“Where am-”

“You piece of shit, how dare you-”

And so on. There were more and more voices the more I took pictures.

The price I had to pay for seeing more than a human should. I had a chance to look to the deepest secrets of a human soul, and I didn’t like what I saw. Secrets, pain, betrayal, adultery, torture…the list is endless.

But I didn’t stop taking pictures with that camera.

I knew it was tearing my mind apart and wrecking my soul (not to mention destroying my sanity) but I couldn’t quit. Photographing became my drug. The more I took pictures the more I needed to take them next time. I got some sort of sick satisfaction from seeing with my own eyes how filthy and sick human beings truly were.

I never took pictures of people I knew. I didn’t want to know what kind of people I really spent my time with.

I arranged the pictures that had scattered all over the place and went outside. I needed another picture-dose.

A playground for kids was perfect. Nothing sick would come out of it.

I sat on a bench and started taking pictures. Happy, smiling faces near the swings and giggling and laughter everywhere.

Suddenly I smelled something weird. It was somehow familiar scent…I looked next to me. Sitting there was a buy in normal clothes.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what? Take pictures?”

The boy nodded.

“I like doing it, it’s my hobby.”

“Liar.”

I raised my eyebrows. “Excuse me?”

“You just want to see more pain and brutality, don’t you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“That camera. It shows human’s true nature.” He looked at me and I saw the blood and gore on his cheek. “You’re already hooked, aren’t you?”

“Who the hell are you?!” I heard disapproving whispers. The present parents and kids had all turned to stare at me. I looked back at the boy only to realize that he was gone. I left the playground and tried to ignore the looks I got from all the adults.

Once I got back home I developed the pictures. The fact that I hadn’t eaten anything in the last 8 hours didn’t bother me in the least.

I picked up the first photo. I looked at it and dropped it.

It was a picture of a kid covered in blood. She looked terrified, but her eyes were empty, as if I was looking at a corpse. Her clothes were torn apart and her arm was in a weird angle compared to the rest of her body.

I covered my mouth with my hand and ran to the bathroom. I hadn’t eaten anything, but throwing up wasn’t much of a problem. I was only thinking of one thing:

When did even kids become stained?

After I recovered from the first picture I looked at the next ones. Picture after picture I saw more horrid things: bruises, cuts, broken bones, blood, gore, even organs. I’ve never felt so sick before.

I couldn’t sleep that night.

“Daddy! Don’t!”

“No! No!”

“HELP!”

“STOP, IT HURTS!”

“Mommy, why are you doing this?!”

“Shut up! Who’s fault do you think this is?!”

“I don’t even want you!”

“I hate you!”

“MOM! DAD! STOP, PLEASE STOP IT!”

All the noises were now ringing in my ears non-stop. It didn’t help that I had to meet with Laura for lunch the next day.

“You alright? You look pale.”

“I’m fine.” My voice wouldn’t have fooled anyone.

“Seriously Kate, I think you’re sick. You haven’t eaten anything, apparently you don’t sleep and-”

“Can we change the subject? How was the club?”

While Laura was completely focused on talking about how amazing the club was (she never mentioned the hangover she had almost every morning) I tried not to throw up on my salad.

I stayed at home the next day. I had a fever, I threw up every five minutes and I still couldn’t shut up the voices.

After the hundredth time of emptying my stomach I found the boy from the park sitting on my bed.

“You don’t look too good.”

“No shit. What do you want?” I wasn’t in a mood for games.

“I want you to give me back my camera.” I stared at him.

“Your camera?” He nodded.

“Sorry but that camera is mine. My boyfriend bought it for me and I opened the box myself, no way it’s yours.”

“It is. See what it’s doing to you? It’s gonna kill you.”

“How about you get out of my apartment and call me after I get my sense of humor back, in say, million years?!”

“No. I won’t go until I get my camera back.”

“It’s mine dammit!”

“No, you’re just too addicted to it. Don’t you get it?”

If I hadn’t thrown up right on the carpet, I would’ve strangled that brat.

“See? Just give me the camera and we can forget this ever happened.”

“No.” Suddenly I saw something very disturbing. There was a trail of blood on the floor. And it started from under the table I kept all the photos on.

The blood was leaking from the photos. The noises came back again, but much louder than before. Everything around me was getting dizzy. I was assaulted by voices, smell and the sudden wet feel on my shirt.

There was a hole in my chest.

“See what I mean? Now where’s the camera?” I could barely hear the kid.

“Hey! Where’s the camera?!”

“…on the table…”

“Thank you.” Before I passed out I saw the kid walk to the table and pick up the camera.

After what felt like an eternity I woke up in the hospital. Laura was sitting on the side of the bed.

“Kate! Are you alright?”

“I’ve been better.”

“Thank God! I stopped by to see how you were doing and there you were, passed out on the floor. I couldn’t get you up so I called an ambulance.”

“How long have I been out of it?”

“For about…” Laura looked at her watch “…8 hours.”

“WHAT?!” Suddenly I noticed something: I didn’t hear any extra noise. Then I remembered.

“Laura! Did you see my camera?”

“Why are you asking me?”

“Laura, was my camera on the table? Try to remember!” She thought about it for a while.

“…no, it wasn’t.”

I closed my eyes. So that brat had been real. But at last I had some peace in my head.

“Well…the doctor said that it was just too little rest and food and that you have to sleep and eat better.”

“Somehow I guessed that.”

“So I was thinking about a lunch after you get out of here.”

“Sounds great.”

After I got out of the hospital my life started to get back on track. Strange though, when I got back home from the hospital I noticed that all the photos were gone. No photos anywhere. Only the ones I had taken with a normal camera.

Thank God.

--------------------------------------------------

A/N: I am terribly sorry! I've had all sorts of stuff lately and I simply couldn't focus on writing CTTE...and I've been writing this challenge story. I'm very sorry about this!

But I'll post up the 6th chapter of Close To The Edge as soon as I get it done! (5th chapter (at the moment the newest one) is on my last post.)

~One Word~



Comments (2) | Permalink

Friday, June 29, 2007

Close To The Edge

Chapter 5: A Taste Of Pain

--------------------------------------------------

I skipped breakfast regardless of my mom’s continuous attempts of getting me to eat. I really didn’t feel like eating. For my surprise, Jadie didn’t follow me. She stayed in my room. But she did appear at the car when we left to the session with Laura.

I’ve never been to a quieter car drive. No one said a word. Daniel was staring out the window and so was Jadie.

Once we got into Laura’s office everybody sat down. Jadie wandered off to the window. Laura decided to start the session. She set her timer, put it on her desk and opened her mouth.

“So…how have you been?”

“Marvelous! I finished decorating the guestroom.”

“Oh really? How is it?” Mom beamed.

“It is lovely blue, as in light blue, the nice blue that doesn’t suck in all the light-” I had to stop her before she got going. My mother can go on and on about decorating.

“Mom.”

“Yes dear?”

“Can talk about something else?”

“Sure. Actually, we are here to talk about you.” Shit.

“I’m sure we all want to start. Though first of all,” she turned to look at me ”I’d really like to know why you wanted your cousin to join this session.”

“I’m here as the mental support.”

“I see…” She wrote something on her notepad.

“So what are we doing here?”

“Good question.” She took a folder from her desk. I recognized it as the evil medical records.

“How long has it been since you’ve had a talk with your son’s doctor?”

“Well, we haven’t talked to him since…” mom’s voice fades away. My suicide attempt is not something she likes to talk about.

“It’s okay, I understand that you’d rather not talk about this, but you have to talk about this sooner or later and sooner would be better.”

“Fine…it’s just…” And there she goes again, does she know that I get bothered when she cries?

“Yes?”

“…it’s been hard on us…”

“I know it has, but we have to go over this. I few don’t, who knows. He might even try it again.”

My head snapped up at that. Excuse me? I’m not planning on another try any time soon, besides, how’d you figure something like that?

“I guess you’re all wondering how I came up with that theory. I’m not sure you know this, but most people who commit suicide have attempted it before.”

Dad paled, mom hid her face in her hands and started sobbing and Daniel looked at me. Jadie walked over and sat down next to me. Then she wrapped her arms around my legs.

“So as you can see, we might have to take bigger measures-”

“Hey, sorry to interrupt but I’m sitting right here you know.”

“Yes, we know that. And I’d want you to tell us why you did it, what drove you to it. ” I laughed a little. She had got to be kidding.

“No way.”

“Yes way. We’ll keep going through these sessions and all the previous ones as long as I see it’s necessary.”

“In other words, as long as you can say I’m insane?”

“Chris!” I have no idea who said that first.

“No one says that you’re insane.” If I weren’t such a great liar, you would.

“How about we get to the point?”

“Oh yes. Here are Chris’ medical records. Do you know what these contain or should we go through them?”

“We don’t know everything that’s in those but we never wanted to ask…”

“Alright. I won’t go through absolutely everything, just some things that caught my attention.”

When Laura started going through that stuff, I became deaf. I have an idea what she was saying, but I didn’t hear. I didn’t even want to hear. Too much stuff I’d rather forget. And there I was, sitting in my psychologist’s office with my parents and cousin and going through the worst years of my life.

~*~*~*~*~

Hey! Squirt!

Come on, take it like a man!

We want you to suffer!

No.

We don’t want you here!

I wish you were dead!

No!

Hey look at that! What a wussy!

Well, well, if it isn’t pretty boy!

Leave me alone!

(A/N: There is more in this part, but it would be a) too graphic b) too violent and c) too sickening stuff to post here.)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

~*~*~*~*~

“-AAAAAAAAAAH!”

“CHRIS!”

“What’s wrong honey?!”

“Chris!”

I shut up and blinked. I took in my surroundings: I was sitting in my chair, holding my head with my hands, Laura, my parents and Daniel were all leaned over me and yelling my name. I took a few deep breaths. Jadie was staring at me and smiling widely.

“Looks like he’s back.”

“Damn Chris, you really scared us there!”

“What happened? Are you alright?”

“…’m fine.”

“Flashback?” I nodded at Laura.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this now…”

“I think so too. But we have to go through this next week. No buts.”

“But-”

“It’s okay mom.”

“Are you sure? Maybe we should-”

“The sooner I get this over with, the better, right?” I got up from my chair. “Can we go now? I’m not feeling to good…”

“Of course.” Laura put her stuff away and we left after setting the next appointment for next Friday evening.

The minute we got home I threw up, straight on the carpet. It really scared the shit out of Alex who was on the couch making out with his girlfriend. Needles to say, the girlfriend left the house immediately after telling Alex that she’d call him later. She did, they talked for hours. How do I know? My room is right next to his and the walls are pretty thin.

Jadie didn’t seem too worried about me. She was all cheery the whole morning. I didn’t eat lunch and I spent few hours in bed. Finally I had the energy to ask Daniel what Laura had said.

“Well I think you probably know most of it.” He sat on my chair and I just lay on my bed. I really didn’t want to throw up again. Jadie was humming at the corner and doing something I couldn’t see.

“Just tell me, will ya?”

“Alright. Most of it was in doctor language and when your dad asked more about it Laura just said it, didn’t even try to avoid it.”

“Said what?”

“Well…she said…” He looked like he didn’t want to repeat whatever this horrid thing was.

“She said what?” He sighed.

“…that over the past years you’ve had all sorts of injuries. Bruises, cuts, the usual. And then few years ago there was…” I suddenly felt sick.

“What?”

“…signs of injuries that you can’t get unless you’ve been raped by another guy.”

That was it. I leaned over my bed and let the contents of my stomach splatter on the floor. Jadie turned to look at me. Then she walked over to me, hopped on my bed and started rubbing my back. I actually found it comforting. Daniel got up from the chair.

“I’ll get your mom, you better stay there.” I couldn’t even nod.

“Are your insides coming out?” Jadie was still rubbing my back and spoke with an innocent voice.

“Almost.” I trembled a little. “Why are you asking me that? As if you’d want that to happen…” Jadie didn’t answer. My mom appeared at the door and covered her mouth with her hand. Half an hour later my floor was clean, I had a bucket nearby and I couldn’t even get my orange juice down. I was left in peace and quiet. Jadie was sitting on the floor.

“Jadie?”

“Chris?”

“Why do you want my insides to come out?”

“…”

“Jadie?”

“…I don’t.”

“Huh? Then why do you keep asking me that? And what was that thing last night when you tried to claw me open?”

“…I didn’t.”

“Then what-” She looked at me.

“You want to be happy, right? And you can’t be truly happy before you die, right?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You have too much bad things here.” She spread her hands, indicating the whole world. “They all hurt you and they keep doing it until you can’t take it anymore. And then you want to die.” She smiled. “That happened already, didn’t it?”

I didn’t reply. I didn’t want to.

“Jane told me that.” She was acting like a kid who’s really proud of something.

“Was she crazy?” Anger started burning in her eyes.

“Jane isn’t crazy. She left. But she comes back. She always comes back.” She calmed down and climbed to my bed right next to me. “She wants to meet you.”

“She can’t meet me.”

“I’ve told her about you.” She hugged me. “She really wants to see you. But I know she can’t.” She yawned and drifted off. I fell asleep a little after her.

~*~*~*~*~

Hey Chrissy! What’cha doin’?

Leave me alone.

That’s a pretty drawing Chrissy.

I said leave me alone.

Can I have it Chrissy?

Chris!

Chris! What’s going on?

Stay out of this, we don’t need you here! Go cry over your parents or something!

No we won’t!

Then we’ll make you suffer too!

What are you talking about?

Heh, looks like you’re in trouble.

What now?

See? No intruders, Chrissy.

Take a hike.

That’s not nice Chrissy. Show some respect!

You don’t deserve my respect.

Oh I won’t? Hey guys! Chrissy won’t obey!

Chrissy won’t obey?

Should we teach him a lesson?

Yeah, we should.

HEY! LET GO OF ME!

~*~*~*~*~

I woke up sweaty and cold. Daniel was at the door.

“Nightmares? Well, your mom said that you should try to at least drink something, see if you can keep it down.”

“O-okay..” Jadie was still wrapped around me.

“Hey Chris.”

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Okay…well your mom’s waiting.”

“Okay…” Daniel left the room. Jadie unwrapped herself and headed to the door.

“Are you coming?”

“Yeah.” I got up from the bed. Standing made me a bit dizzy. But I managed to get to the kitchen.

I still couldn’t keep the juice down.

--------------------------------------------------

A/N: First of all, I'M REALLY SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!

But I've had some stuff and issues I've had to work on and writer's blocks and all that...

Again, sorry for the wait! I hope you all didn't forget about me!

Well we've gotten to the part where violence starts coming up. If you can't handle it, don't read it. I put that warning in the first chapter for a reason.

Well until the next chapter!

~One Word~



Comments (0) | Permalink

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Close To The Edge

Chapter 4: Speeding Up The Process

--------------------------------------------------

After some running I arrived at Jack’s place and immediately heard screaming and the sound of glass breaking. Never a good sign.

I almost got to the door when it flew open and Anna ran past me. Jack appeared at the door. He didn’t look too happy.

“You wanted to talk?”

“Cut the crap Chris. What did you talk about with Anna yesterday?”

“What does it ha-”

“I’m her fucking brother I need to know these things!” Jack’s a good guy, but he has trouble in keeping his temper under control.

“What I talk about with Anna is between her and me, it doesn’t concern you.”

“When it’s about drugs it damn does!” Wait, he knows about those?

“It has nothing to do-”

“It does, I found her stash!”

Damn Anna. Always getting in trouble and I’m always the one who has to face her brother afterwards.

“So why don’t you ask her about it instead of interrogating me?!”

“She just ran out the door in case you happened to miss it!”

“Well that’s not my problem!” We spent a minute just glaring each other. Finally Jack took a deep breath.

“Okay, I’m sorry for yelling at you. Now can we talk this through like adults?” I nodded. We sat around the table in the kitchen.

“Why can’t you tell me what you talked about with Anna yesterday?”

Well that’s a million dollar question.“I dunno actually.”

“What?!”

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I know I could and should tell you, but I won’t. The stuff we talk about is for me and Anna to keep.” Jack buried his head in his hands with a groan.

“So you’re telling me that you’re keeping secrets for a possible soon-to-be junkie?” He glanced at me with the look that begged me to say that I was joking. I really felt sorry for having to disappoint him.

“Bingo.” He groaned again.

“Can’t you make an exception for once?” I shook my head. “C’mon we’ve been friends for how long?”

“We’re not friends.” Jack let out a laugh at that and got up from the table. I looked at him.

“Oh yeah. You always say that.” What? I’ve never said that so he can hear it, how- “And you always have that look on your face when you think of something really hard. Anna pointed that out to me.” Well that explains it.

“So you two just sit and talk about me all day long?”

“No. Though Anna would probably enjoy that.” I scoffed. Anna really loved to talk about me. It didn’t even matter who she was talking to, as long as she was talking about me.

“Really, you know how Anna gets sometimes.” He probably saw the look on my face because he added “Okay, all the time.”

“So how much has she told you?”

“Not much really. Just some small stuff I wouldn’t have noticed otherwise.”

“Like what?” He thought about that for a few seconds.

“Like how you’ve been a bit out of it lately.” Huh?

“Yeah, like you’re seeing something we don’t. You’re always looking over your shoulder or at the empty corner or something.” He leaned in closer. “Anything you’d like to share with us Chris?”

“Nope.” Now that he mentioned it, where’s Jadie? I looked around a bit. Big mistake.

“See, you’re doing it again.” Okay, let’s play stupid.

“Doing what?” He shook his head.

“Nice try. But I won’t push it. For now.” Well I sure am looking forward to the time when you do start pushing it! Now who didn’t notice the sarcasm?

“Can I go now? I’ve got some stuff to do-”

“Tell me what you talked about with my sis and you can go.” I sighed. We were going around in a circle.

“I told you-”

“How about a few words? You don’t have to tell me all of it, just something.” I thought about it. At least Anna wouldn’t have a reason to skin me alive…

“Fine.” He seemed to cheer up a little.

“Alright. First word?”

“Money.” He paled.

“She has trouble paying for drugs?” Ding ding ding! We have a winner!

“Knew you were a smart one.”

“Shit. How much?”

“She said she has half of it but asked me for 250.”

“Shit.” He got up from his chair and walked a little. “Listen, if I talk about this with Anna, could you be there? She seems to talk only to you, so-”

“Sure.” We were quiet for a while. “Can I go now?”

“Yeah.” I got up and walked right out the door and back home. I was a bit worried about Jadie. She was sitting in my room and making faces at the cat.

“Jadie?” Her head snapped up and she ran to hug me.

“Where were you?! I thought you left me!” She attached herself to my legs like a leech.

“I was at Jack’s, he had a bit of a problem.” She looked up to my face with teary eyes.

“…so you didn’t leave me?” I shook my head.

“Why would I do that?”

“Dad and Jane said they’d never leave me and th-then…” She started crying.

“Well I’m not your dad or Jane. And as I said, I’m not going anywhere.” I patted her head. She stopped crying and looked at me again. Then she smiled and let go of my legs.

“I like you.”

“I noticed.”

“No. I really, really like you.” Her smile got wider. In some sense it was pretty disturbing. Then she went back to the cat and started making faces again.

“Why do you do that?” She looked at me.

“Do what?” I waved at the cat that was sleeping on my bed. It seemed to be its favorite spot in the whole house. If you didn’t find it anywhere else, it was most likely curled up on my bed.

“Make faces at it.” She glanced at the sleeping cat and then shrugged.

“I don’t know.” Then mom knocked at the door, lunchtime.

The whole family (plus Jadie) sat around the table and started eating. Of course mom had to start some kind of conversation.

“So how are you and your girlfriend doing Alex? When will you bring her over?” I rolled my eyes. Alex would bring her over if he’d want to hear a lecture on safe sex which wasn’t anytime soon.

“Why don’t you bug Chris about his girlfriend, why always me?”

“Oh yes! When-”

“She’s not my girlfriend, how many times do I have to tell you that?” I took a sip of water. Jadie was walking around the kitchen and glancing at me every now and then.

“Well why were you two making out last night?” My water came right back up.

“Alex!”

“Mom, it’s true! John saw them last night!”

“We weren’t making out!”

“You were! John saw you!”

“And we all know that John’s a little brat that exaggerates everything!”

“Boys! Cut it out, we’re trying to eat!”

Damn Anna!

Jadie looked at me like was something very interesting.

“Oh I almost forgot! Your cousin’s coming over this Friday.”

“Which, we have about a ton of cousins.”

“Daniel.”

“Darn.”

“Alex!”

“But he’s just like Chris! No fun at all!”

“Gee, thanks. Nice to know you’re appreciated.”

My parents paled at that.

After I finished my lunch I went to my room and tried to do some schoolwork. I didn’t even touch my literature assignment.

“Why don’t you ever do this?” Jadie grabbed the paper and read it.

“Because I suck at stuff like that.”

“But aren’t poems easy?”

“I hate love poems.”

“Oh.” She looked at the paper again and put it on my desk. Then she lay down on my bed and curled into a ball. A few hours had passed when I finally finished my homework. Jadie hadn’t moved an inch from her position.

“Why is your family like that?” The odd question surprised me.

“What do you mean? Like what?”

“…happy.”

“I don’t know.” She got up and walked over to me.

“But you’re not happy.”

“Erm, your point?”

“…don’t you want to be happy?”

“Who says I don’t?” She didn’t reply.

I went to school again next Monday. Jadie was still clingy as ever an wanted to come along. I brought the 250 Anna asked me to bring. Better get it over with as soon as possible.

But I faced Jack before I reached Anna.

“Did you bring that money you promised her?”

“Yeah.”

“Great.” He looked over his shoulder. I saw Anna chatting with a big group of girls. Nothing unusual about that.

“Okay, after she’s paid for the shit, she’s going to rehab.”

“You sure you can get her there?” He nodded. Jadie was looking around again.

“Got her to one place last night, now she just has to go there and it’s not up for discussion.”

“Great. One problem though: how’re you gonna drag her there?”

“Simple. Once she goes through the door, she won’t be out before she’s through the program.”

“Well that’s one thing, but you didn’t answer my question.” Jack shut up when he saw Anna approaching. Jadie looked like someone just hit her.

“Hi honey!” she said the second she arrived to us, and added less enthusiastically “Hi bro.” Jadie hissed at her.

“Anna, I’m not your honey.”

“Of course you are! Can we talk in private?”

“He brought the money.” Anna looked shocked and stared at her brother.

“What are you talking about?”

“Cut the act. Once you’ve paid you’re going to rehab.”

“Rehab?! For what?!”

“Drugs. And Chris agrees with me.” He nodded to my direction. Anna’s head snapped right to me.

“What?! You told him?!”

“He didn’t tell me anything, it was pretty obvious.” Anna cursed for a while.

“Fine! So where’s the money?”

“Hold it, I’m coming with you!”

“Like hell you are!”

“Chris?” I gave the money to Jack.

“Hey I’ve got class and I gotta make an excuse for my teach so-”

“Yeah, you can go.” I left Jack and Anna to yell at each other and made my way to the class. Jadie glared behind her before we turned around a corner. Mr. Haddigan was already in the room.

“Morning!”

“Morning, I actually-”

“-didn’t do your assignment?” Busted…

“…yeah.”

“It’s alright. I’ve heard what you’ve been through lately and I know you’re really not in the mood for love poems. I’ll overlook it this time.”

“…thanks.”

“No problem. How are you doing now?”

“Fine.”

“No annoying comments or anything like that?”

“Nope.”

“Okay. But if anything like that happens-”

“-I’ll tell you. Got it.” Not in this lifetime. Telling never works. I went to my seat. Jadie started feeling the floor with her fingers again.

The rest of the week went pretty well (except for the fish I had to slaughter in biology class). My cousin Daniel arrived on Friday. I was the lucky one to go to meet him at the train station. It was just my luck that his train was late and I had to stick around for almost an hour. Having to look after Jadie didn’t make it any more fun (she almost got run over by a train a few times). Finally he showed up.

He hadn’t changed much since the last time I saw him (around 3 years ago). He was a bit taller though, but he still had the chestnut-hair and brown eyes. And the smile that made all the girls turn into fangirl-mode. Jadie looked ecstatic. I had never seen her act like that around anybody.

“Chris! How are you? I heard about the cutting-thing.”

“Daniel! Same old, same old. I heard about the therapy sessions.” He grinned. He was the only person I knew that didn’t treat me like a fragile egg after my suicide attempt. He was the only person I could talk about anything freely, and he was the first person I wanted to call from the hospital.

“So how is everybody? Alex still a moron?”

“Afraid so. But it’s pretty much the same as ever.”

“Bummer!”

“You said it.” Jadie was walking next to Daniel and staring at him with wide eyes.

“What about Jack and his clingy sister?” We both laughed at that.

“Well, Jack’s going to college and Anna’s going to rehab.”

“Sounds great, except the rehab.”

“It’s for her own good.”

“Yeah, it probably is.”

Once we got home and unpacked all of Daniel’s stuff in my room (he had to sleep in my room) and ate dinner we went out for a walk. We bought two cans of soda (one for each) on the way and stopped at the park to drink them. I noticed that I wasn’t as tall as I thought I was, since I fitted in the swing pretty nicely.

“Nothing’s really changed here, huh?”

“Nope…how about you? Anything new or exciting going on?” I sipped some soda and stared at the sunset.

“Well, not really…I have a girlfriend.”

“Don’t you dare tell that to my mom, she’ll kill me for being different!”

“What? Alex has a girl already?”

“Yeah, and it’s wrecking my nerves.”

“You have my condolences.”

“Well didn’t that really made me feel better.” I threw away the empty can and we headed home.

“So when’s your next meeting with…what’s-her-name…”

“Laura.”

“Yeah, that’s it.” Daniel kicked a rock that had gotten on his way.

“Tomorrow. And my parents are coming along.” He turned to look at me in shock.

“Who’s idea was that?”

“Laura’s.”

“She needs to change jobs.”

“Hardly. Wanna hear the best part?” He stopped in his tracks.

“There’s WORSE?”

“Of course, why wouldn’t there be? We’re going to go through my medical records.” He sighed.

“Shit.”

“Yeah. And I think we both know what those damn files contain.”

“Any way you can get out of it?”

“Apparently, no.”

“Can I come too?”

“What?”

“I wanna come along! You know, mental support and everything…”

“I don’t think Laura will buy that.”

“It’s always worth a shot, right?”

It turned out that I was wrong and Laura was okay with Daniel joining the session. For some reason, we lay on our beds in the middle of the night (Jadie hadn’t given up her recent habit of holding on to me when she slept) and I felt like I could tell someone about Jadie.

“Dan?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I tell you something?”

“What?”

“You swear you won’t laugh at me or send me to the nuthouse?”

“I swear, what is it?” Jadie’s hold on me tightened and she mumbled something in her sleep. I was quiet for a second.

“Chris? What is it?” Jadie started gripping on my shirt a bit too tightly.

“…no, Jane, come back…” I felt tears soaking the back of my shirt.

“Chris?” I was grateful that he couldn’t see my face, because Jadie had just started digging her nail into my skin. Daniel asked me what the matter was for a few times and then he gave up. I really didn’t feel like answering him. I had enough hard time trying not to make noise when Jadie was still clawing my stomach.

When I woke up the next morning Daniel had already went for breakfast. I was changing my shirt when I looked in the mirror.

I had red nail marks all over my stomach. I was about to ask Jadie about it when she looked at me from the bed.

“Insides didn’t come out.”

--------------------------------------------------

A/N: Sorry this update took a while...I had a bit of a writer's block. Lack of sleep might have something to do with it too.


Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, June 17, 2007

What they really are.

What exactly are poets, musicians, drawers and painters?
In one word they’re creators.

They turn dreams to words
Memories to sound
And make the greatest moments eternal

They’re people who have spread their wings
And dream most of their time
But that’s really why they have their heads up in the clouds:
How can you simply walk on the ground when you have wings in your way?

They’re all daydreamers
Though some might hide it better than others
But from time to time
You might catch them staring at nothing
But that’s only what it looks like to you

In reality they’re far away
Flying in the sky
Walking in the flower fields
And not letting reality chain their minds

So even though most of these people don’t get written down in history books
They will be remembered:
As the people who captured hopes, dreams and moments
And gave them form

As writings, sounds and pictures
That will never lose their beauty.

--------------------------------------------------

I put this up on Poetry Union. Please visit that site too!

Comments (3) | Permalink

Friday, June 15, 2007

Close To The Edge

Chapter 3: Long Talks

--------------------------------------------------

Teachers have no mercy even when you’ve been in the hospital for a while and need some rest.

While I was struggling with my literature assignment (A love poem. What the hell is going through our teacher’s head, pigeons?) Jadie was drawing something on her paper. I got enough frustrated with my homework and decided to have a better look at Jadie’s drawing.

“What are you drawing?” Her drawing looked odd: it was completely black, except for a small corner that was still white. Jadie was drawing something in it with a red pencil.

“That’s me” she pointed at a figure with a triangle-shaped body and round head “and that’s mommy.” She pointed at a figure with a stick-shaped body with a round head. It looked like it was lying on the ground. I pointed at another figure. It was bigger than Jadie’s figure but smaller than her mom’s.

“Who’s that?” She looked at me like it should’ve been obvious.

“Jane.” Then something dawned to me.

“Oh. Where’s Hope? And your dad?” Jadie stared at the picture for a moment.

“They’re not there.”

“But why’s Jane? Didn’t she-”

“-go to the moon? Yes, but she comes to visit me every night.”

“Jadie, if she’s dead she can’t visit you.” That got her going.

“She’s not dead! She’s in the moon!”

“Jadie, people can’t go to the moon just like that, Jane’s dead! Deal with it!” I don’t usually yell at kids. But something about Jadie made her an exception to the rule.

“She is! She is!” Then she threw herself on the floor like a little kid with a tantrum. She kept hitting the floor with her fists. “She is! She is! She is!” Then she went limp and started crying.

“Jane, Chris said something mean about you, he said you’re dead, but you’re not…you’ll visit me again, right? You wouldn’t leave me…mommy will be mad if you do…”

“Jadie.”

“…and then will have dinner like we used to, right? When daddy comes home, right? And Hope will be there too, she always is…”

“Jadie.” She stopped all of a sudden.

“I hate you. I’ll kill you.” Then she started screaming and thrashing around. “I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL KILL YOU! YOU FUCKING BASTARD, I’LL KILL YOU!”

“JADIE!” I had to take a hold of her to keep her from hitting and kicking me.

“I’LL KILL YOU!” She kept doing that for about ten minutes and then she went limp again.

“…sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you.” She sobbed. “But if you bad-mouth Jane-”

“I didn’t bad-mouth her, okay?”

“…sorry.” We just sat there for a while. Then there was a knock on the door.

“Bro! Your girlfriend’s at the door!”

“I don’t have a-” Then it clicked. “Give me a minute!”

“Who is it?” Jadie was wiping her tears away.

“Anna.”

“That girl who dresses like a slut?”

“Where did you learn to talk like that?”

“Like what?”

“Bastard and slut aren’t words that kids your age should use.”

“Hope used them all the time. She knew a lot of words like that.”

“Well do you have to use them?” She shrugged.

“But you said you don’t have a girlfriend, why did she say she is?” I scanned the room with my eyes to find my jacket.

“It’s a joke really. She’s been clinging to me ever since we were kids. Everybody knows she has a crush on me and that I don’t feel the same for her. She just won’t believe it.” Ah, there it is.

“So why is she here?”

“Usually she does something like this every time when she’s in trouble and I have to get her out of it.”

“Why you?”

I wonder that too sometimes. “She doesn’t want Jack to know.”

“But-”

“No more questions, please. Don’t break anything while I’m out.”

“I’m coming with you!”

“No you’re not! You stay right here, don’t go anywhere! Understood?” She pouted.

“…yes.”

“Great. Bye!” With that I was out. And yes, it was Anna at the door. At least she was dressed like a normal girl. Skirt that reached her knees and a T-shirt.

“What are you doing here?” She pouted too. Why all the women do that?

“Can’t I see my one true love from time to time?” I closed the door behind me and we started walking.

“That’s the point Anna: I’m not your boyfriend. Try to get it through your head.” She lit up a cigarette.

“Don’t tell Jack, okay?”

“He’s just looking after you.”

“I don’t need to be looked after. He’s just all high’n mighty because he’s going to college.”

“While you can’t even get through high school.”

“At least I don’t cut myself on my past time.”

“Gee, thanks, I thought you loved me.”

“I do.” She took a drag from her cigarette and exhaled. “But I don’t need you both on my tail seven days a week.”

“So what’ve you gotten yourself into this time?”

“What do you mean?”

“Quit the act okay. You only come to our house when you need me to be your knight in shining armor or something.”

“I don’t-”

“Yeah, you do. So spill it.” She took a few more drags to calm herself.

“Fine, it’s about one deal-” I raised my brows.

“Deal?” She sighed.

“Yeah. Drug deal. You want me to announce it to the whole world?”

“As long as it wouldn’t reach Jack you’d be cool with it.”

“Funny love. Very funny.” Another drag and exhale.

“So what about the deal?”

“I own the guy some money and I can’t pay.”

“Figures. So what’s the threat?” She scoffs.

“To be his whore for the rest of my life.”

“Sounds like a nice past time.”

“This ain’t funny! You gotta help me!”

“Why should I? You’re the one who’s in that mess, you should get out of it on your own!”

“Please!”

“Ask Jack, he’s your brother.”

“You know I can’t ask him! He’d kill me!”

“Unless some drug dealer beats him to it. I’m not kidding.”

“Neither am I!”

“So when’s the dead-line?”

“Next week.”

“What the hell did you buy anyway?” She shrugged.

“Some new stuff. The high’s better though.”

“You’ve tried it already? You know that you can never be sure what that shit contains.”

“Oh shut up. You really should loosen up sometimes.” She threw away the cigarette, wrapped her arms around me and nuzzled my back.

“How big money are we talking about?”

“500.” That’s a lot of money when you don’t have a job.

“You want me to pay 500 for shit that’s gonna kill you?!”

“Chill. I’ve got half of it.” Her hold tightened.

“250? I don’t like the sound of this at all.”

“You have money. Can’t you help me this one time?” I laughed at that.

“That’s what you’ve said the past hundred times.”

“This is the last time I’ll ask you. Promise.” I took her arms off me and sighed.

“It damn better be. And don’t come to our house anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Just don’t, okay?” She sighed and took out another cigarette.

“Okay. Any idea when you can give me the money?”

“Next week. And I want that money back too.”

“I’ll pay you back, don’t worry.”

“When it’s you, everybody does.” She walked away and I made my way back home. My family was all over me like a pack of hyenas the minute I got through the front door.

“So how was she?”

“What did you do?”

“She was fine, we walked and talked, that’s it. Now leave me alone.” I heard my mom say something about how sweet young love is and then I went to my room.

Jadie was, surprisingly, on the floor in the exact same position where I had left her.

“What did she want?”

“A little help that’s all.” She looked at me with doubt in her eyes.

“Oh really?” She slowly got up from the floor. Seemed like she did everything slowly.

“Really. What’s it to you?”

“I was worried. That you won’t come back. Like Hope and dad.”

“Well I did so no worries.” I headed to my closet. Suddenly Jadie had wrapped her arms around my legs.

“Erm, Jadie, could you let go please?”

“Don’t go.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t leave me. Hope did, dad did, Jane did…and mommy hates me…” I patted her head.

“Well I’m not going anywhere anytime soon so don’t worry.” That seemed to cheer her up. She looked at me with sparkling eyes, something I had never seen her do.

“Can I sleep in your bed?”

“What?! Why?”

“The closet is cold.”

“…fine. But no kicking in the middle of the night. I need sleep.” She nodded happily and let go.

When it was time to go to bed, Jadie wrapped her arms around my midsection before I had a chance to protest. But I didn’t sleep to peacefully that night.

The next morning my mom knocked my door around 10 AM.

“Honey! Wake up we have to get going soon!”

What? It’s a damn Saturday, where did she- shit. Laura. I promptly hid my head under my pillow and intended to fall asleep again, knocking Jadie on the floor in the process.

“Ouch!” She looked around and heard my mom knocking again.

“Your mom’s at the door.” I mumbled my answer against the bed.

“What did you say?” I decided to give up and sit up on my bed.

“I know.” I yawned and rubber my eyes.

“Why is she up this early in the morning?”

“I have a pointless session with Laura. Again.” Then to my shock, mom opened the door.

“Yes, you have a meeting with Laura but it’s not pointless. She’s only trying to help you.”

“Tell me how sitting with her for 45 minutes is going to help me?”

“She’s a nice woman, be polite.” I rolled my eyes.

“As always.” She smiled.

“Great! Now breakfast is ready so get dressed and eat and we’re ready to go!” She closed the door after her.

“Who’s Laura?” I jumped at Jadie’s voice.

“My psychologist.”

“What does she do?”

“She tries to “help” me, meaning that she wants me to talk about stuff I’d rather not talk about.”

“Why you tried to kill yourself?” I winced at the reminder and started digging through my closet for something to wear.

“Yeah. But I’d rather forget about the whole thing.”

“Okay.” I found a black shirt and jeans.

“Does she have crayons?” I pulled my shirt over my head.

“What?”

“Does she have crayons? The woman I went to had those. She told me to draw anything I wanted.”

“Well she doesn’t work with kids. They have some other guy for that.” I pulled my jeans up.

“Oh. Can I come too?”

“If you can get in the car without being noticed.” She beamed.

“Okay!” I went to eat breakfast (I don’t eat much so I just had a slice of toast and ignored my mom’s attempts to get me to eat more) and then we got in the car. Amazingly, Jadie was waiting at the car when we got outside. She sat next to me all the way to downtown and Laura’s office. Mom dropped us off at the front door.

“Okay, I have to go shopping. I’ll pick you up from here, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.” That was the arrangement every time. She always went to shopping, library, whatever and picked me up from the front door. None of this was new to me.

Laura was sitting behind her desk when I came through the door with Jadie right behind me.

“Well hello Chris. Had a good morning?”

“Quite. Excluding the early wake up call.” She laughed a little at that and shook her head.

“Sit down please.” I sat down opposite her. Laura was a nice woman with blond curls and a relaxed attitude. She was nice to be around but I still didn’t like it when she tried to probe into my personal things. She set her timer on the desk. Jadie went to the window and stared outside. Maybe she hadn’t been to the 6th floor before.

“So how’s your week been? I heard you went back to school.”

“Merciless teachers, enough homework for a lifetime and too early wake ups. I’m having a blast.” Jadie looked at me from her spot in front of the window.

“Glad to hear that.” Laura looked to the window too. “Is there something out there?” I quickly turned my head away from Jadie.

“Nope.” I decided to change the subject. “Is that an engagement ring?”

“Oh you noticed? Yes me and my boyfriend got engaged two days ago.”

“Congratulations.” I looked at the timer. 40 more minutes…

“I suppose you’re agonizing over the time we have.” I looked at her.

“Do you really understand why you’re here?”

“I tried to kill myself?”

“Yes, but that’s not the only reason.”

“Well then what is? Cause I’d really like to know.” Jadie looked at us again and seemed interested in our conversation.

“You’re depressed-” I roll my eyes. Like that’s a new revelation.

“Surprise, surprise.”

“Let me finish. You’re not only depressed and potentially suicidal but also in a very stressing phase in your life. I’ve discussed about this with your doctor and the school nurse from your school-”

What? What does that have to do with anything? “-and I can see from your face that you don’t know what that has to do with our sessions, but your medical records reveal a lot of stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Let’s see.” She picked up some papers from her desk and started flipping through them. Suddenly I had a really bad feeling…

“Reports of bullying, violence, all sorts of mockery…but they’re all done after someone else told the teachers about them. Why?”

“I was a fucking kid! You really think I could’ve told anyone anything back then?!” Jadie was now intensely staring at us.

“Of course you could’ve.” I had to scoff at that.

“Sure, you probably were one of those popular little princesses that complained about a broken nail-”

“What makes you think I was?”

“Gee, I dunno, maybe because you have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“So you were scared that it would just get worse?”

“The fuck?!” Jadie had started walking towards us.

“It’s normal to think like that at that age-”

“Hey, it didn’t do shit when that stuff was reported! Yeah, those fuckers got detention and a small talk about not bullying anymore, but do you honestly think that a few words and sitting changes anything?!”

“Sit down please.” What? I hadn’t noticed during my outburst that I had stood up from my chair. I sat down and stared at the floor very Jadie-likely.

“Feeling better now?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you feel better after you yelled at me?”

“…”

“Fine, you can be quiet for the last…20 minutes. But I’d like to talk about something else too.”

“What?” Jadie had sat down on the floor next to me.

“You should work on those issues of yours.”

“What issues?!”

“Still on the first stage?”

What is she talking about?

“You’ve probably heard of the five stages of grief?”

“…in psychology class yeah. But not much, the teacher just mentioned it.”

“Well you’re still on the first stage: denial. After you get past that, there will be anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.” She looked at me. “Is any of this ringing a bell?”

“…yeah.”

“So I don’t have to explain these things to you?”

“No. But I won’t say anything for my parents.”

“Yes, your parents…how are they doing?”

“Happy as ever.”

“And your brother, what was his name again…”

“Alex.”

“Oh yes. Alex. How is he?”

“Happy as ever. He has a girlfriend.”

“I see…” She wrote something on her notepad. “You don’t have a girlfriend, correct?”

“No, I don’t.”

“I see…” She wrote down something again and looked at the timer.

“How about this: we can stop now, set the time for the next session and wait till your mother gets here? I need a word with her.”

“Okay.” I stood up and Jadie did the same.

After setting the next session for next week (Killjoy.) mom came to pick me up. She “changed a few words” with Laura (more like blabbering for ten minutes) and took me (and Jadie) home.

“Looks like we’ll be joining your next session with Laura.”

“What?!”

“Me and your father are coming to your next session. Laura said that we need to discuss seriously.”

“Just great.”

“It’s okay honey, we’ll just talk.”

And all hell will get loose when she starts the talk about my medical history.

“Why do you have to be there?” It’s enough bad when I’m alone with her.

“She said that she feels like we should do this together and I personally agree with her. I’m sure your father does too.”

“Great.” Once we got out of the car my cell phone rang. Jack.

“Chris? You there?”

“Yeah, what is it?”

“You had a talk with Anna yesterday, didn’t you?”

Busted. “Yeah, why?”

“You get your ass over here right now, we need to talk!”

--------------------------------------------------

A/N: Okay, I personally don't have much knowledge about the price of drugs. I just tried to make something up, so don't take any price-stuff too seriously.

And probably everyone knows the Five Stages of Grief. I'm not a psychologist but I do know some basic stuff.

Until the next chapter!


Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Close To The Edge

Chapter 2: Short Break

--------------------------------------------------

When my alarm clock started ringing at 7 AM the first thing I did was that I made sure that Jadie wasn’t just a dream. So I walked to my closet, opened it and there she was. She opened her eyes slowly.

“Good morning.”

“Morning. Why are you still in my closet?”

“Where else should I be?”

“Gee, I don’t know, but not here!” Then there was a knock on my door.

“Honey, are you up yet?”

“Yeah, yeah, just a minute!” I turned to the little brat that had taken residence in my closet.

“Okay, you stay here-”

“No. I’m going with you.”

“No, you can’t! What do I say to my parents?!” I would not start making up an excuse as to why I had a little girl in my closet, a very disturbed girl at that.

“They can’t see me.”

“What?!”

“They can’t see me.” She climbed out of the closet and headed to my door. “Aren’t you going?”

I swore under my breath and gave up. At that point she was already out the door.

I entered our kitchen (pastel yellow, I hated that color). Jadie was already walking around. My mom was already making toast. She smiled at me. Weirdly, she didn’t seem to notice the little girl right next to her.

“Good morning honey! Did you sleep well?”

“Yeah.” I was mostly keeping an eye on Jadie, who just walked around in that doubled-over-fashion of hers. She stopped when she noticed our cat and started making faces at it. The cat didn’t react at all.

“So how’s school?”

“Fine.”

As if I didn’t know that the whole conversation was supposed to make me feel loved and cared about. You know, I wake up every school morning at 7 AM, eat breakfast, go to school, come back home, do my homework, eat dinner and go to bed (and the usual stuff between all that) and yes, I do that every single day, because I “need a routine” to “keep away my depression”. Laura (my psychologist) was a nice woman, but her advices didn’t help much.

“How are your friends doing?”

“Mom, I don’t have friends.”

“Oh sure, if you don’t want to tell me about them then alright-”

See? My mom still can’t get out of that little world of hers. I do know that I didn’t fit in the sunny, warm, pastel-colored and toast-filled kitchen with my bandaged wrist. But my mom just kept pretending that I did.

I turned my attention to Jadie. She had left the cat alone and had made her way to the table. Though now that I looked around, where had that cat gone to?

“Hey where’d Tom go?” Mom looked around for a while.

“Hmm, I don’t know…but he’ll probably appear again soon.”

I wasn’t that confident. Not with Jadie around.

“Shouldn’t you be going?” I looked at my watch. 7:15.

“Yeah.”

“Well have a good day at school!”

“Yeah, yeah…”

Jadie was already walking to the front door. She got out at the same time Alex rushed through the door. He has a habit of sleeping late. I grabbed my bag and went outside.

“Where’s your school?”

“Why didn’t mom see you?”

“I don’t know…” She shrugged. “Most people don’t notice me…”

“What did you do to Tom?”

“That cat? Nothing.”

“Why don’t I believe you?” She was quiet again.

“Fine, be that way.” I started walking. My school wasn’t that far away, but I had to pick Jack and his sister up first.

“Where are we going?”

“To a guy I know.”

“Your friend?”

“I don’t have friends. He talks to me, I talk to him back. That’s it.”

“Oh. I don’t have friends either. Just you.” I stopped on my tracks. What?

“What do you mean “just me”?”

“You’re the only friend I have.” I moved my bag from left shoulder to right and straightened my glasses.

“Let me get this straight with you: I’m not your friend, you just came out of my closet and I can’t get rid of you.”

“But you talk to me.”

“Yeah, I talk to people but that doesn’t make us friends!”

“Don’t shout. People are looking.”

I turned around. Yes, our neighbors were all looking at us. No, looking at me, because Jadie seemed to be invisible.

“Why didn’t you warn me?” I had to whisper. But the whole neighborhood knows that I’m depressed, suicidal and potentially mad so I have no idea why I bothered.

“I didn’t notice.”

“Yeah, maybe if you could stop staring at the ground and start looking around you-”

“Where does this guy live?”

“Huh?”

“That guy you talked about.”

“Ah. Jack and his sister. A few blocks away.”

“Oh.”

We spent the rest of “few blocks” in silence. Once we arrived to the apartment house Jack lived in with his sister (their parents are both in jail) I could clearly hear Dir en grey blasting through the stereos. Anna liked that sort of music: dark, depressive (if you knew how the lyrics went) and not-English. I rang the doorbell and waited for a while for Jack to open up.

“Chris! How are ya?”

“Excluding this” I raised my hand to show the bandaged wrist “I’m doing great. You?”

“Well you know, the usual- ANNA, TURN OFF THAT SHIT!” An annoyed reply came right away.

“IT’S NOT SHIT! IT’S ART!”

“ART MY ASS! NOW TURN THAT THING DOWN BEFORE I HAVE TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES! AND CHRIS IS HERE!”

“HE IS!?” The music was turned off. A few minutes later Anna came out of her cave (me and Jack called her room a cave: it was dark, the curtains were never open and you never knew what you could step on). She hadn’t combed her brown hair (darker shade than mine) and her green eyes where wide and bright (minus the few times when she was on something). She was still in her pajamas.

“Hi Chris! How are ya?”

“Why haven’t you dressed yet?”

“Haven’t had the time, bro.”

“You’ve had plenty of time, now get something…decent on and let’s go!”

“Okay, okay.” She disappeared to her cave while humming along “Obscure”.

“So how’re your parents?”

“Better than yours?”

“No shit Sherlock. Seriously, aren’t they worried?”

“Nah, they’re back to their routine.”

“Man, don’t they notice anything?”

“I doubt that.” Jadie was still with me, trying to get a peek inside past Jack.

“Okay, let’s go!” Jakc smacked his forehead when he saw his sister’s latest outfit: tight, black top (that showed half of her stomach), a red miniskirt (more like a wide belt in my opinion) and black high heels. She had lots of black eyeliner and red lipstick.

“Do I have to tell you what you look like right now?”

“Like a hooker, no doubt. But that ain’t your problem bro.” She walked past her brother and right out of our sight.

“Well at least she didn’t go in her underwear.”

“You sure? I thought I saw her sleep in those rags few nights ago…”

“Well she’s done worse.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Anything new lately?” Jadie looked disappointed when Jack closed the door and we started walking.

“Oh yeah I got in that college.”

“Good job, Jack-kun” I said with my worst Japanese accent and gave him the thumbs up. Jadie looked at me like I had gone crazy.

“Hah, hah. At least I got somewhere.”

“Well excuse me for being in the hospital.”

“Your bad man.”

“I know.” And then we ran on Anna. She was smoking a cigarette (she’s been smoking for a while now).

“YO! Put that out!” Anna rolled her eyes and took another drag.

“You’re not my dad.”

“Thank God. Put that out.”

“I know it’ll kill me someday but my life is over when I turn 25 anyway-”

“Who said that? You been with those weirdoes again?”

“They’re not-”

“-weirdoes, they’re artists, yeah yeah, I know, I’ve heard that about a hundred times!”

I decided to walk on while the siblings started another fight. Jack’s just trying to look out for Anna but she’s too immature to get that it’s for her own good. I sigh.

“Why didn’t you stay?” I almost forgot about Jadie.

“Those two can solve their own problems.”

“Why didn’t you help?”

“They don’t need me to help them. Hey, I can’t even help myself, not to mention others!”

“I can see that.” Was she being sarcastic?

“Hey! Wait up!”

“Did she put it out?”

“No. Damn, where has her common sense gone to?”

“To a journey with amphetamine?” He glared at me. Anna’s drug-usage is a taboo.

“More likely with those people she’s been hanging with. God, she believes all the crap they feed her!”

“She’s gotten into a cult?”

“Yeah, it seems like it.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s alright.”

“Though I wonder why you let her hang around me since depression seems to be lethal.”

“Nah, that’s just you. But that stunt you pulled-“ he looked at my hand “-was a bit too close.”

“A bit? I would’ve died if it weren’t for those morons-”

“-who saved your fucking life! Can’t you appreciate that? I know it’s not my business to tell you what to do with your life, but try to give it more value! Don’t fuck it up like Anna does.”

Fuck it up? Wait ‘til you’ve heard of Jadie.

Speaking of Jadie, where was she?

Ah. A bit after us. Still staring at the ground.

“Is there something behind us?” Jack looked over his shoulder.

“Nah, my mind’s just playing with me.”


“Alright…”

We arrived to the school and separated. I had a class to drag myself to.

“Looks like a nice school.” I jumped at the voice before remembering Jadie. She stood next to me, looking at the walls.

“Have you ever been to school?”

“Yes. But then I couldn’t go there anymore.”

“Why?” She starts humming some tune. I dropped the subject and entered the classroom.

Wonder if the teachers have already kept the speech about being normal around me and be like nothing’s wrong…

The minute I got inside all the talk stopped and everybody stared at me.

Apparently they have.

“Alright, everybody! Back to your seats! Nice to have you back Christopher.” Mister Haddigan: the only teacher who took things easily and the only adult who used my full name.

“Nice to see you too.”

“You probably know where your seat is and I’ll get to you about our class-progress after class, okay?”

“Sure.” I walked to my seat and at back of the class and sat down. Jadie followed me and sat on the floor next to me. She started feeling the floor with her fingers. Well, whatever made her happy…

--------------------------------------------------

A/N: I think most of you know that Dir en grey is a real band. "Obscure" is one of their songs, very depressive lyrics.

And this chapter was mostly of "normal" life (Jadie's stuff is going to get worse, just to warn you) but I felt that we needed a bit less depressive way to look at Chris' life,just to show that he's not all "angst angst angst" and that he can communicate with people.

Though there will be more depressive stuff later on.

Until the next chapter!


Comments (5) | Permalink