Thursday, May 10, 2007

Tabula Rasa

Chapter 8

"Does it hurt? In your heart? That they’re worried?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So how long have you lived here?”

Anya and Dinah were sitting on Dinah’s bed. I noticed that I didn’t need to sit down, my legs weren’t tired at all.

“I’ve been here all my life.”

“Oh really? I just moved here last week.”

“Why?”

Dinah shrugged.

“My mother wanted to move here because the hospital would be closer. I didn’t care about it much.”

“What do you mean?”

Another shrug.

“I’ve never had friends and since everybody knows about my “illness” they don’t want to be near me either.”

She stands up and looks out the window.

“Would you like to go outside? It’s a nice weather.”

Anya nodded.

Everything went black again.

~*~*~*~*~

“She really got to you back then didn’t she?”

I give Po a puzzled look.

“Oh not remembering yet? Oh well...”

The world starts to get a shape again.

“But I bet this will...”

~*~*~*~*~

“There’s a new kid in town.”

Anya was sitting in a café with Jenna.

“Oh really?”

“Yeah! And people say he’s weird.”

“What do you mean weird?”

Jenna leans closer.

“They say that the kid has...problems.”

“Problems?”

“Yeah, problems, now stop repeating everything I say.”

“What kind of problems?”

Jenna looks around as if someone would try to spy on us.

“People say they’ve seen him around some very weird places...”

“That doesn’t make him weird.”

Jenna shrugs and looks at Anya.

“Well say whatever you want. But you’ll know what I mean if you see him.”

~*~*~*~*~

“Did you see him?”

“Man he’s CUTE!”

“I want him!”

“Me too!”

“Me three!”

Giggles.

“He looks weird…”

“Yeah, like he’s ON something…”

Whispers.

“Did you hear? He’s transferring to our school!”

“No way!”

“And he’s going to be in class F!”

“Ohmigod!”

Anya looks at Jenna.

“What’s with everybody? He’s just a guy. A student like the rest of us.”

“That’s not what most would think.”

“Well he won’t be in our class.”

“Bummer. I would’ve liked to get a close look…” Jenna sighs and goes dreamy.

“Earth to Jenna! The bell rang!”

~*~*~*~*~

Lunch break.

“Hey I’m gonna go grab something from the bakery, you want anything?”

“No thanks.”

Jenna starts running like she’s trying to beat some record.

“Well she’s fast.”

Anya turns to look at the guy behind her. He’s got brown hair, dark eyes and a slim form. He’s wearing jeans and a long-sleeved grey turtleneck. Nothing unusual about him really. Well except that he’s white. Not just pale, he’s as white as a piece of paper.

“Yeah. What’s it to you?”

“Nothing.”

“Then why’d you say anything about it?”

He shrugs.

“No reason.”

Anya sighs.

“Well at least you’re not fawning over the new guy…”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh c’mon, no way you haven’t seen how everybody’s talking about him.”

“Actually I haven’t. Care to tell me what they say?”

“All girls wanna go out with him. And apparently all the guys want to see him too.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“Didn’t know I’d be that popular.”

“What do you mean-”

The realization hits.

“So you’re the talk of the day.”

“Didn’t intend to be, believe me.”

“So how come you be here all alone?”

“I can look after myself. Thanks for the concern though.”

“I wasn’t concerned.”

“Oh really? Well that’s a first.”

“What do you mean?”

He shakes Anya’s hand.

“Hello my name is Noah Thomason. My parents are alcoholics, I basically take care of myself while my parents are out of it. How about you?”

Somehow that didn’t shock me or Anya.

“Well maybe people get worried if that’s how you introduce yourself to everybody-”

Noah raises his hands.

“Hey the teacher asked me to tell something about myself and I did. That stuff would’ve gotten out sooner or later anyway.”

“And sooner is better?”

“Well that’s how I see it.”

“A narrow point of view.”

“No one asked you.”

Anya shakes his hand.

“Hello my name is Anya Wales. My friend killed herself some time ago, I have to deal with a person suffering from a multiple personality disorder everyday plus the same girl’s other personality Jonathan likes me in that way. I have a habit of getting too close to suicidal and depressed people and Jenna, the girl who ran off when you got here, is the only friend I’ve got who’s even close to being normal and stable.”

Noah laughs.

“That’s something, alright. Maybe a bit long though.”

“It’s not like I’m someone worth mentioning anyway.”

“You underestimate yourself.”

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

“You think too fast for your own good, don’t you?”

“Hell yeah.”

Noah’s about to say something back when Jenna returns.

“Hey who’s this guy?”

“The guy you wanted to have a close look at.”

“What are- You can’t be serious!”

“Well she is.”

“You’re the new guy?”

“Flesh and blood.”

“…you’re freaky.”

“Thanks. You’re a very charming person too.”

“Anya how long have you two been talking?”

“He got here a little after you left.”

“Shoot!”

“You could say that.”

“Oh shut up, you’re not that great.”

“Maybe.”

“Well I’ve got class so I guess I’ll be seeing ya. See you sometime.”

With that he left.

“Anya. Who was that?”

Anya and Jenna jump at the voice. Dinah.

“Hey Dinah I didn’t see you.”

“Obviously.”

“Hey who do-”

“And I’m STILL. NOT. TALKING. TO. YOU!”

Jenna glares at Dinah and then looks at Anya.

“See you in class.”

And she’s on the run again.

“Who was that guy?”

“Noah Thomason. He’s new here.”

“Do you like him?”

“Actually he’s nice.”

Dinah’s face darkens.

“What’s so good about him?”

“None of your business.”

“Yes it is.”

“We’re not dating if that’s what you’re implying.”

“How should I know?”

“Well that’s your problem not mine.”

“…sorry. I shouldn’t have started questioning…”

“It’s alright. But we’ve got class now so let’s go.”

“...alright.”

~*~*~*~*~

The school ends.

Anya’s walking home alone. Jenna’s got work.

“Hey where’s your bodyguard?”

“She’s got work. And she does have a name.”

“Oh what is it?”

“Not funny Noah.”

“Seriously. How did you two meet again?”

“We’ve been friends since kindergarten.”

“Oh. I’ve never had any friends. Except you of course.”

“Oh how honored I am…”

“No need for the sarcasm.”

“I think there was.”

“You’re really getting difficult on me, aren’t you?”

“No I’m not. I’m always like this.”

“Fine Miss Shut-off, whatever you say.”

“What did you say?!”

Noah stops.

“To be honest, you seem a little shut off. Not just from that friend of yours but from everyone.”

“And why do you think that?”

“I’m like that too.”

“…”

“Really. I don’t mind talking about my parents being alcoholics but it doesn’t mean that I like it. But people think what they want and it would be impossible to go and try to change their minds.”

“So you say.”

“You know that’s true.”

“Yes, I do. But that’s just what I think.”

“You’re not stupid.”

“No.”

“You’re actually more than you look like, aren’t you?”

That stops Anya. Noah turns around.

“What are you saying?”

“How much do you think of other people than yourself?”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“Just answer the question.”

“…not much.”

“That’s not true. You don’t think about yourself, do you? Try to be honest to yourself for once.”

“What do you think you know about me?”

“More than you might think.”

“And that’s because…?”

“Your mom told me about you.”

“WHAT! How do you know my mom?!”

“She lived next door the place I used to live in.”

“…she never told me.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“I’ve been living on my own.”

“I know.”

“Mom just sends me some money every now and then. But otherwise I’m on my own.”

“She mentioned that.”

“So what do you want from me?”

“Who said I want anything?”

“Don’t try me. Everybody wants something from me.”

“Not me.”

“Well that’s a first.”

“So your mom said.”

“How much did she say anyway?!”

“I’m not telling you that right now.” He turns around the corner. “Well we’ll split here. See ya at school.”

Darkness.

~*~*~*~*~

“Well?”

“…what?”

“Who was he? A boyfriend?”

“…no.”

“Then he was…?”

“…my best friend after Jenna moved away.”

“And…?”

“…what?”

“He was more than that, huh?”

“We were…more than friends. But in a sibling kind of way.”

“Right. No romance. It’s sad that you didn’t get any true love in your life.”

“Why would I have needed one?”

“Don’t we all?”

“Who says we do?”

“I don’t believe in true love.”

“Obviously.”

“Can we go on now? I want to get this done.”

~*~*~*~*~

“So who’s Dinah?”

Anya was sitting on the grass with Noah. Jenna had moved away two weeks ago. She and Anya still kept calling and e-mailing each other though.

“A friend I guess.”

“Isn’t she the girl with the multiple personality disorder?”

“Yes.”

“And she’s walking towards us right now.”

And sure enough, Dinah was walking towards them with an evil gleam in her eyes.

“What do you think you’re doing?”

“Talking with Anya.”

“Get lost.”

“Nah, I don’t think so. It’s a free country and I can talk to her if I want to.”

“No you can’t. Go away.”

“What’s this now, is someone jealous?”

That really hit Dinah.

Enough to make her punch Noah.

But he was quicker and dodged.

“Dinah!”

She turned to Anya.

“It’s Jonathan. Not Dinah.”

“Oh another personality?”

“Shut up you bastard.”

“And a personality that has a crush. Now that’s interesting.”

Dinah tried to punch him again.

And he dodged again.

“How about you cool down already?”

“Jonathan, stop it!”

Dinah stopped on her tracks.

“You defend that bastard?!”

“He’s my friend so of course I defend him!”

She turned to Anya. She stared at her for a while and then walked away.

“Ouch.”

“You said it.”

~*~*~*~*~

Anya was walking home alone again. Noah had to go get his parents’ Antabuses.

To Anya’s surprise Dinah wanted to come along with her.

“I’ll forgive you for today.”

“Huh?”

“For choosing your friend over your boyfriend.”

“You’re not my boyfriend.”

“Yes I am.”

“No, you’re not! Dinah, Jonathan, whoever you are, you and I are not in a relationship!”

“Yes we are. Don’t try to deny it.”

“You’re really insane!”

“You didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, I did! Stay away from me from now on, get it!”

Anya started running away. Dinah stopped and stared after her.

Darkness once again.

~*~*~*~*~

“She didn’t stay away for long, now did she?”

“No. She just kept coming back.”

“Never believed you.”

“…so what next?”

“We go through the last day of your life.”

“And then I can have my powers and get out?”

“…yes.”

“Well let’s do this then.”

“You sure? You can quit you know.”

“I won’t quit. I won’t let something like this get the best of me.”

“Fine.”

~*~*~*~*~

“Anya.”

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie.”

“I don’t.”

“Yes you do. I hate liars and you’re lying through gritted teeth.”

“Am not.”

“Yes you are. Tell me what’s the matter.”

“Nothing’s the matter.”

“Liar.”

“Bastard.”

“You sound just like Dinah.”

“I do not!”

“Yes you do! I know she hasn’t left you alone! I can see it! So quit the act and tell me the truth!”

“There’s no truth!”

“You spend too much time covering it up!”

“So what! It’s none of your business!” Anya’s close to tears.

“I care about you Anya. You’re like a sister to me ad I’m worried. Just spill it.”

“Why can’t you all just leave me alone?!” Tears start rolling.

“Anya-”

“LEAVE ME ALONE NOAH!”

He grabs her shoulders.

“Anya you have to stop this, I don’t wanna hurt you!”

“Then let me go!”

“Like Hell!”

“To be honest to myself, that’s what you told me to do! This is me, this is how I am!”

“No it’s not.”

“How would you know?!” Anya manages to pull away. Then she starts running.

“ANYA!”

~*~*~*~*~

“So he wouldn’t let go again.”

“Go away Dinah. I told you to get lost.”

“I won’t back down that easily.”

“So I’ve noticed. Go away.”

“Sorry love it’s not that easy.”

“And stop calling me love, I HATE IT!”

“No you don’t.”

“For the last time Dinah: go away.”

“Does it hurt?”

Anya stops.

“What?”

“Does it hurt? In your heart? That they’re worried?”

“What are you talk-”

“You shout at them and you keep them all at a distance. It hurts, doesn’t it?”

“No.” She sounds like someone’s strangling her.

“Yes it does. You’ve worked so hard to get them to appreciate you and this is what you get.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s all you’ll ever get Anya.”

“Shut up.”

“You can either submit to that sad fact or you can join me.”

“Join you?”

“Join me on the other side.”

Anya laughs.

“Yeah, like that would ever happen!”

“It can happen.”

“How?”

“I have cyanide in the storage room.”

“How did you get that?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“And what are you saying?”

“Let’s go have some tea. We’ll put in some cyanide and it’s over.”

“Will it hurt?”

“No. I’ve tried.”

“So why are you still alive?”

Dinah looks disappointed.

“I failed. Someone found me and called an ambulance.”

“Oh.”

“Shall we?”

Anya looks at her.

She looks in the direction where she left Noah.

She turns to Dinah.

“Okay.”

~*~*~*~*~

“Why are we here?”

Anya and Dinah were sitting on the swings in the schoolyard.

“No one suspects two girls drinking tea here.”

“Oh.”

“So this is it.”

She casually lifts her cup.

“See you on the other side.”

Anya lifts her cup too.

“On the other side.”

They both drink their teas on one gulp.

Both faint at the same time.

Only one voice is heard.

“ANYA!”

~*~*~*~*~

I was crying.

I was actually crying.

“Well?”

I was stupid.

I wasn’t myself.

But I can’t turn time back now.

“You see now?”

I also know who the little girl from my dream was.

Kate.

Dinah still can’t let go.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Well then there’s only one step left.”

“…yeah.”

The world goes black and then turns into a white room. There’s only one door out.

“Shall we?”

I walk over to the door and open it.

I can see nothing. Only white light.

“You know now. Don’t forget it.”

I nod.

“And use that knowledge and all you’ve learned now in the future.”

I don’t understand that.

“You will. Goodbye Anya.”

~*~*~*~*~

The light goes away and I’m standing on a platform.

“So how’d it go?”

Malice is already walking towards me.

I can’t stop it anymore.

I start crying.

Hard.

I fall on my knees.

I just have to let it all out.

Malice stops. She doesn’t say a word.

I just keep crying.

Crying my heart out.

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A/N: Waaah, I know this was a bit crappy chapter. *tears* It's 7.33 PM, I have a verb test in Swedish tomorrow, haven't read one bit. Plus a pile of other exams coming up. So the updates bit not be that frequent for a while.

And to all who don't know: Antabuse is a medication alcoholics use to get rid of the habit. When you take antabus you can't drink alcohol, because when ethanol (a.k.a. alcohol) reacts with antabus it's not pretty. You get headache, throw up etc. In one word, you get an instant hangover. Not nice.

FAQ:

Comment:
haha you evil person you!! I hate cliff hangers!! Nonetheless it was really good. ^^ Hmm...Dinah sounds interesting. At first I was confused. But now I'm not. Woot! Hmm...I was wondering do you write about things that happen in your life or is this all from your creative mind? haha O_O Anyway I can't wait to read the next chapter!

Answer:
Well let's not forget that I'm very much alive over here. lol Seriously, some of the things in Tabula Rasa have something to do with my life (my parents aren't alcoholics, I say it now before anyone asks) and some are the combination of my creative mind and some psychology books (I love those). That's all.


Well until the next chapter! *flees to study*


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