Friday, June 29, 2007

Close To The Edge

Chapter 5: A Taste Of Pain

--------------------------------------------------

I skipped breakfast regardless of my mom’s continuous attempts of getting me to eat. I really didn’t feel like eating. For my surprise, Jadie didn’t follow me. She stayed in my room. But she did appear at the car when we left to the session with Laura.

I’ve never been to a quieter car drive. No one said a word. Daniel was staring out the window and so was Jadie.

Once we got into Laura’s office everybody sat down. Jadie wandered off to the window. Laura decided to start the session. She set her timer, put it on her desk and opened her mouth.

“So…how have you been?”

“Marvelous! I finished decorating the guestroom.”

“Oh really? How is it?” Mom beamed.

“It is lovely blue, as in light blue, the nice blue that doesn’t suck in all the light-” I had to stop her before she got going. My mother can go on and on about decorating.

“Mom.”

“Yes dear?”

“Can talk about something else?”

“Sure. Actually, we are here to talk about you.” Shit.

“I’m sure we all want to start. Though first of all,” she turned to look at me ”I’d really like to know why you wanted your cousin to join this session.”

“I’m here as the mental support.”

“I see…” She wrote something on her notepad.

“So what are we doing here?”

“Good question.” She took a folder from her desk. I recognized it as the evil medical records.

“How long has it been since you’ve had a talk with your son’s doctor?”

“Well, we haven’t talked to him since…” mom’s voice fades away. My suicide attempt is not something she likes to talk about.

“It’s okay, I understand that you’d rather not talk about this, but you have to talk about this sooner or later and sooner would be better.”

“Fine…it’s just…” And there she goes again, does she know that I get bothered when she cries?

“Yes?”

“…it’s been hard on us…”

“I know it has, but we have to go over this. I few don’t, who knows. He might even try it again.”

My head snapped up at that. Excuse me? I’m not planning on another try any time soon, besides, how’d you figure something like that?

“I guess you’re all wondering how I came up with that theory. I’m not sure you know this, but most people who commit suicide have attempted it before.”

Dad paled, mom hid her face in her hands and started sobbing and Daniel looked at me. Jadie walked over and sat down next to me. Then she wrapped her arms around my legs.

“So as you can see, we might have to take bigger measures-”

“Hey, sorry to interrupt but I’m sitting right here you know.”

“Yes, we know that. And I’d want you to tell us why you did it, what drove you to it. ” I laughed a little. She had got to be kidding.

“No way.”

“Yes way. We’ll keep going through these sessions and all the previous ones as long as I see it’s necessary.”

“In other words, as long as you can say I’m insane?”

“Chris!” I have no idea who said that first.

“No one says that you’re insane.” If I weren’t such a great liar, you would.

“How about we get to the point?”

“Oh yes. Here are Chris’ medical records. Do you know what these contain or should we go through them?”

“We don’t know everything that’s in those but we never wanted to ask…”

“Alright. I won’t go through absolutely everything, just some things that caught my attention.”

When Laura started going through that stuff, I became deaf. I have an idea what she was saying, but I didn’t hear. I didn’t even want to hear. Too much stuff I’d rather forget. And there I was, sitting in my psychologist’s office with my parents and cousin and going through the worst years of my life.

~*~*~*~*~

Hey! Squirt!

Come on, take it like a man!

We want you to suffer!

No.

We don’t want you here!

I wish you were dead!

No!

Hey look at that! What a wussy!

Well, well, if it isn’t pretty boy!

Leave me alone!

(A/N: There is more in this part, but it would be a) too graphic b) too violent and c) too sickening stuff to post here.)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

~*~*~*~*~

“-AAAAAAAAAAH!”

“CHRIS!”

“What’s wrong honey?!”

“Chris!”

I shut up and blinked. I took in my surroundings: I was sitting in my chair, holding my head with my hands, Laura, my parents and Daniel were all leaned over me and yelling my name. I took a few deep breaths. Jadie was staring at me and smiling widely.

“Looks like he’s back.”

“Damn Chris, you really scared us there!”

“What happened? Are you alright?”

“…’m fine.”

“Flashback?” I nodded at Laura.

“Maybe we shouldn’t do this now…”

“I think so too. But we have to go through this next week. No buts.”

“But-”

“It’s okay mom.”

“Are you sure? Maybe we should-”

“The sooner I get this over with, the better, right?” I got up from my chair. “Can we go now? I’m not feeling to good…”

“Of course.” Laura put her stuff away and we left after setting the next appointment for next Friday evening.

The minute we got home I threw up, straight on the carpet. It really scared the shit out of Alex who was on the couch making out with his girlfriend. Needles to say, the girlfriend left the house immediately after telling Alex that she’d call him later. She did, they talked for hours. How do I know? My room is right next to his and the walls are pretty thin.

Jadie didn’t seem too worried about me. She was all cheery the whole morning. I didn’t eat lunch and I spent few hours in bed. Finally I had the energy to ask Daniel what Laura had said.

“Well I think you probably know most of it.” He sat on my chair and I just lay on my bed. I really didn’t want to throw up again. Jadie was humming at the corner and doing something I couldn’t see.

“Just tell me, will ya?”

“Alright. Most of it was in doctor language and when your dad asked more about it Laura just said it, didn’t even try to avoid it.”

“Said what?”

“Well…she said…” He looked like he didn’t want to repeat whatever this horrid thing was.

“She said what?” He sighed.

“…that over the past years you’ve had all sorts of injuries. Bruises, cuts, the usual. And then few years ago there was…” I suddenly felt sick.

“What?”

“…signs of injuries that you can’t get unless you’ve been raped by another guy.”

That was it. I leaned over my bed and let the contents of my stomach splatter on the floor. Jadie turned to look at me. Then she walked over to me, hopped on my bed and started rubbing my back. I actually found it comforting. Daniel got up from the chair.

“I’ll get your mom, you better stay there.” I couldn’t even nod.

“Are your insides coming out?” Jadie was still rubbing my back and spoke with an innocent voice.

“Almost.” I trembled a little. “Why are you asking me that? As if you’d want that to happen…” Jadie didn’t answer. My mom appeared at the door and covered her mouth with her hand. Half an hour later my floor was clean, I had a bucket nearby and I couldn’t even get my orange juice down. I was left in peace and quiet. Jadie was sitting on the floor.

“Jadie?”

“Chris?”

“Why do you want my insides to come out?”

“…”

“Jadie?”

“…I don’t.”

“Huh? Then why do you keep asking me that? And what was that thing last night when you tried to claw me open?”

“…I didn’t.”

“Then what-” She looked at me.

“You want to be happy, right? And you can’t be truly happy before you die, right?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You have too much bad things here.” She spread her hands, indicating the whole world. “They all hurt you and they keep doing it until you can’t take it anymore. And then you want to die.” She smiled. “That happened already, didn’t it?”

I didn’t reply. I didn’t want to.

“Jane told me that.” She was acting like a kid who’s really proud of something.

“Was she crazy?” Anger started burning in her eyes.

“Jane isn’t crazy. She left. But she comes back. She always comes back.” She calmed down and climbed to my bed right next to me. “She wants to meet you.”

“She can’t meet me.”

“I’ve told her about you.” She hugged me. “She really wants to see you. But I know she can’t.” She yawned and drifted off. I fell asleep a little after her.

~*~*~*~*~

Hey Chrissy! What’cha doin’?

Leave me alone.

That’s a pretty drawing Chrissy.

I said leave me alone.

Can I have it Chrissy?

Chris!

Chris! What’s going on?

Stay out of this, we don’t need you here! Go cry over your parents or something!

No we won’t!

Then we’ll make you suffer too!

What are you talking about?

Heh, looks like you’re in trouble.

What now?

See? No intruders, Chrissy.

Take a hike.

That’s not nice Chrissy. Show some respect!

You don’t deserve my respect.

Oh I won’t? Hey guys! Chrissy won’t obey!

Chrissy won’t obey?

Should we teach him a lesson?

Yeah, we should.

HEY! LET GO OF ME!

~*~*~*~*~

I woke up sweaty and cold. Daniel was at the door.

“Nightmares? Well, your mom said that you should try to at least drink something, see if you can keep it down.”

“O-okay..” Jadie was still wrapped around me.

“Hey Chris.”

“Yeah?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Okay…well your mom’s waiting.”

“Okay…” Daniel left the room. Jadie unwrapped herself and headed to the door.

“Are you coming?”

“Yeah.” I got up from the bed. Standing made me a bit dizzy. But I managed to get to the kitchen.

I still couldn’t keep the juice down.

--------------------------------------------------

A/N: First of all, I'M REALLY SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!

But I've had some stuff and issues I've had to work on and writer's blocks and all that...

Again, sorry for the wait! I hope you all didn't forget about me!

Well we've gotten to the part where violence starts coming up. If you can't handle it, don't read it. I put that warning in the first chapter for a reason.

Well until the next chapter!

~One Word~



Comments (0)