Monday, May 9, 2005

READ BELLOW
Hey there ballerinas,

I’m feeling much better now thanks to my good friends- and an especially big hug goes out to Rayea Kagome Chan *winks* thanks you- you know what I'm talking about ^_~

Anyway the weekend has been pretty much boring as it usually is- one of the perks of my incredibly mundane life except for the fact that everyone hates me and my parents want to throw me out of home- its true that they asked me to pack my bags. Yesterday I went and gave in my CV to the store director of Toy ‘R Us and hope to get that job soon- I'm more then qualified to do it anyway. Art is going well and so is the fashion, I may even get a shared exhibition for my art (photos, drawings, sculptures) sometime in the future thanks to the offer of an old art teacher that runs a gallery. And on another not- some girls may rejoice while others may curse, while others may run and hide in fear…for I have shaved my beard off (not the moustache) it feels weird and believe it or not it has already started to grow back, its great for kissing…now who’s my first victim? ^_~

These days a very popular form of entertainment amongst the younger generation would have to be video games, and for you my friends I have a bit of a little survey if you will (I'm not sure what one calls it). One aspect of video games that I love would have to be the introductory cutscene- the creativity and imagination as well as sheer style that goes into one is just mind blowing. So now I ask you all to list your 3 favourite intro sequences (listed in order from best to not so best) from any system whether it be retro or next-gen in your comment, I’ll post mine next time I update.

Well all its, been real but I gotta jet, college starts in a few and my body wont get itself showered and dressed so until next time!

-J-

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Thursday, May 5, 2005

listen to the beauty...
Its been a while since ive been this depressed…you can ask Katie because she took the brunt of my depression last night and I thank you for that, It seems youre the only one that’s ever there when I truly need to cry. I'm feeling abnormally lonely…Ive been drinking so much lately, I just am having an extremely hard time recently and I even went to such measures as smoking a spliff in the hopes of feeling better…needless to say it didn’t help. I just feel like running away from my heart that hurts so much, not even the sweet girls of my group could cheer me up- from the sweet childish antics of Samantha to that very sweet kiss and hug from Emilia *sigh*. There are just so many hard feelings flowing in my head and I just don’t know where to start…maybe I just need to be institutionalised again. At least my art isn’t suffering, if anything it has gotten better from my current sentiments, of course nobody seems to enjoy the harsh realities of my subject matter which ranges from homicidal tendencies, to insanity, to depression and also death and solitude.
I just keep on realising how alone I am in the world
*listens to Clair de lune by claud Debussy* such a beautiful sound…so beautiful, a beauty for the true romantics which there are so few of now…In fact I know of no other romantics that exist besides for the pretenders, beauty and grace seem to be what the children of our new age have forgotten- I'm sure Anna may feel this way as well.

Beautiful eyes

Sorrow,
When beautiful eyes lay themselves down on me,
Rolling through that which cant be seen,
Only longing to know that which is behind the mirror,
But we shall never uncover the truth,

Peeling the pulp of prejudice,
Perceiving wrong and right,
Black and white,
But also forsaking that which dwells in between for skin,
So sad…

Asking questions without using words…
Phrases turn to emotions,
As I try find a way out of the darkness,
Can anyone hear me?
Lost in the void,
I gasp for life,
But it seems that only they hold the keys to my heart,
Only them

When will it end?
When will it begin?
Your beautiful eyes cannot tell, for that which lies ahead,
Is but a dream,
A dream that lasts forever more…

By J. Kanar


That was a poem I once wrote, it was published by a news paper- I like it but most of you may find it hard to interpret. Nevertheless I feel that is something I want to post.

Take care everyone…please take care of yourselves because I can feel it and I know that even though happiness is something so few have, just take care and maybe…just maybe it will come to you, I surely hope it comes to me…

Farewell…
-J-

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Monday, May 2, 2005

   BLAME IT ON THE BOOGIE!
Heyyo ballerinas!

This weekend has been pretty smashing,
I have been more then privileged to be having the great company of my college group around me for the past 2 days…me and 5 girls
You know most men should be so lucky to actually experience a slumber party with 5 beautiful young ladies and I good friends am a man that’s REALLY lucky lol!
Sunday night: go clubbing at a popular club and party until the wee hours after which we go back to the one girl’s flat- and slumber party time! Booze and all, some strange things happened there I tell you- friends turning into lovers and enemies only to make up and fall asleep within each others presence…no really it was quite something lol.
Then today we went shopping at Sandton City shopping centre where the girls most kindly offered to model for me! I bought some things for them in return- accessories lol but nevertheless a great experience, I may post some photos of the lovelies sometime just to give you a small taste of who I work with but needless to say that we now share a much tighter bond…man will the J charm ever fail? I think not.

Anyway enough about my weekend,
We start filming on Wednesday- it’s a rather odd story which I may type up for you but it really isn’t all that exciting. As for the rest of the week- Friday after filming, the girls and I will probably go to monsoon lagoon (a popular club) for some partying after which we’d film some more…then its just back to my regular mundane life that is only redeemable from the internet thing that I enjoy so much. Also if marinel (a girl from my group) is reading this then I just gotta say thanks for the weekend and Seeya tomorrow girl ^_^. Oh and for my love I just want you to know that I love you more then anything in the world, my heart is yours ^_~

-J-

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Saturday, April 30, 2005

IN RESPONSE TO YOUR FRIGGIN RESPONSES HARHARHARHAR!!! *cough* no im not sick
ah well hello all you ballerina's!

would you believe it if i told you that im considering creating my own clothing brand? yes thanks to the ingenius idea of nehszriah i am going to start the planning stages of "LOSER inc." my clothing label! in fact it may become a reality sooner then youd think because as of now i already have about 25 potential buyers! so far 15 people want t-shirts and 10 people want hoodys...and trust me nez- when i get this thing off the floor then you can expect a hoody or t-shirt in you post box.

onto other news...(man i should become a news reder lol)
many people have suggested that i consider looking at a new future career. so far the most promising ones are:
#1: stand up comic
#2: voice actor
#3: fashion designer

but until then i do already have a potential job that i have applied for. yesterday i gave in my cv so that i may in the not so distant future acquire a weekend job at...
TOYS R US! isnt that just amazing! ive always wanted to work there and especially since its at the R zone...man i cannot wait to see if i get this job...

anyway ive gone on enough about my future plans...so now you can all tell me what you plan on doing in your future- i know youre all pretty young but youre never too young to dream.

i reall appreciated your responses for my last post, i just like all of you enjoy getting lots of comments-i loe to find out more about our glorious human race and i especially like to make people happy so finding out all that about you guys *tear* thanks for broadening my knowledge and i look forward to numerous comments in the future, remember that i also need to get to your sites and comment but i try my best to get there even though i have such a tight schedule. i found out a lot and it seems that all you girls find dreamy eyes to be a big turn on, in all honesty i also find eyes to be really sexy...but besides for that i always found the neck and jawline of a woman to be very appealing ^^ a nicely defined jawline has always been a turn on in my books. besides the eyes i can safely say that just to tell you all...im not tall! im only about 5'8 and ive always been short so dont talk to me coz i dont have a problem with it. also due to my bone structure i cant be skinny but i do have a six-pack (or at least the start of one). i have longish dark brown hair which used to have purple streaks in it but im planning on cutting it shorter.

sheesh i feel like such a whore! everyone seems to know everything about me according to them!!! well i can safely say that ou dont know me...
anyway as for the rest of the post...all i can say is take care of yourself and until next time just keep being yourself and if youre a loser...well then join the club! there are plenty of losers in this world and there is no shame in being one- of course im a loser but having the loveing girl in my life is all that i'll ever need to make me a winner...so as much a loser as you are...youll always be a winner- especially to me *kodak moment*
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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

LOSER!!!
well hey there ballerina's!
life is decent but as you can see ive changed the look of my site! groovy aint it? this guy that i have healthy relationships with in college calls me a loser just for fun but heck i aint got no life or anything so its partialy true anyway. so yeah as you can see ive gone for the loser theme and taken it into the electronic dimension and im liking it...now just in case you dont know who the hansom devil is in the background and avatar...well thats yours truly lol- hey i know im not the most attractive man but hey ive got character lol *gets big head*.

ok anyway im just gonna get on with the post and ask the question...ok seeing that im in an all girl group in college ive been exposed to a lot of feminine elements and what im curious to know is what do you girl/guys find attractive about the opposite sex (by this i mean physically, not things like personality)?

i finished resident evil 4 the other day- really awesome game and youre all missing out on it if you dont play it once...of course losers like me find enjoyment in such things ^^.
hmmm i actually had something to say but i cant remember lol. also its a south african holiday tomorrow- freedom day so theres no college for me YAY! some changes will be happening in my life soon but i'll fill you in when the time comes.

-J-

P.S. now i remember what i was going to say! ok people i want to know if there is any question at all about me that you would like me to answer then all you have to do is ask- people these days like to ask me things so it would be more then a pleasure to answer- all you have to do is either ask it in your comment or PM/IM it to me
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Friday, April 22, 2005

confessions of a small note...
hello ballerina's,
i know i confessed my love yesterday...naturally only i should perform such a bold and dramatic action. and as much as i hate sneaking around but i am required to keep my loves identity of a confidential kind. anyway she sent me this confession of love and i received it in my gmail sometime this morning (which would be your night). she said i should post it on my site...so i did and its below for your enjoyment:

To my dearest,

Vows of the Heart

I love you
I love you more than words
I love you more than emotions can express
I love you more than life is worth

I would gladly give all I have just to see you smile
I would gladly give everything to spend life with you
I would gladly give all I am for your love
I would gladly give my life if it meant saving yours

I only ask for you to be safe
I only ask for your happiness
I only ask for your love
I only ask for you

I love you
I love you more than anything
I love you more than I could imagine
I love you more than poetic words could describe

I want you by my side forever
I want you to always be happy
I want you to know how I feel
I want you to know I love you eternally

I want only you...
I only ask for you...
I would gladly give all for you...
I love you...

How I've loved you since first we've met. I've known you for the longest time, and how I could never picture my life without you. I never want to loose you, never want you to believe that I do not love you. I love you, truly, madly, insanely so... but more over, with all my being, heart, soul, and emotions. I love you far more than the stars and heavens above and the great hellish voids below. I want only you, to be with you and comfort you all of your days. I am so fond of you... so in love with you... and I'll be here through anything... for that is my love to you.... it is my eternal vow and wish. To be with you, no one else, and to have nothing more than that. All my heart and love, all I am... and could ever be....

My love, eternal...
_____________

and thats it all. im far too lazy to write anymore so just enjoy your weekend and i'll see you all sometime...

-J-'s proverb:
i want to do something exciting...maybe you should go chop your pinky off or something...
-from the chronicles of -J-
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Wednesday, April 20, 2005

things going right...
theres this girl
and you know what girls do to me...
but im really in love,
really in love with this girl,
i think shes in love with me,

love is hard to explain,
most people dont think it exists,
i think it does,
in fact i know it does,

she makes me feel better when i am down,
she understands me somewhat...and that makes me feel a little more comfortable,
she reads what i have to say,
and i love her,

she is my angel and i love her so,
she knows this fact to be true,
i hold her safe in my warm embrace,
her lips are so soft and my love for her shall not cease,

she visits my site...this i know,
just as i visit her,
we try our best to talk with one another as much as we can,
and even when we are so far apart...things keep going right.
------------------------

i had more to say but time restricts me. its lame i know, its not meant to be a poem and i know that this may embarress her but heck, i just had to say it. you managed to keep me around slightly longer, angel. dont forget how i feel and know that i shall always be there for you.
*kisses deeply*

-J-
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Friday, April 8, 2005

Final Testament...
I have decided to upload what i expect to be my last fan art on myotaku.com. i know its been months since i last uploaded buut i honestly just havent had the time to do any projects that would be towards this site.

this picture explains my emotioons pretty well...i know im a morbid person to be around at times, but dont forget that my mind is torured by torment, suffering and heartache. so go and see this final testament artoerk called exit wound

i wont give other news today,
take care of yourselves...

-J-
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Saturday, March 26, 2005

we all reach an end sometime...
Just in case anybody cares at all, i think im gonna terminate my myO site and start using my deviantart site. its just not so exciting here anymore and i dont feel comfortable submitting any art here because all teh youngsters feel that theyre top critics. anyway so i doubt this wil be my last post for now but im gonna retire...i mean you know how it is- ive been on myotaku.com for a pretty long time and its mostly because i didnt know how to build a site (and because someone convinced me to) but like many others ive come to an end here so thanks to all those visitors that made it such a pleasure for me- i really owe you one because if it wernt for you then id probably not be here more like a month or so...also since when i first came here i was quite an ass.

farewell ballerinas...for now

-J-
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Technology and pants: the way of the nice guy
Hey Ballerinas,
Well I'm trying to relax and enjoy what “free time” I have until I start working on that art assignment for college. Haven’t been too bad and slowly but surely recovering from the atrocities that have happened over the last while. Just to take a break I went out with my cousin and his 2 friends for a night out on Sunday….it was pretty crazy- we missed the start of the show we wanted to go to so we decided to catch a few beers while we waited for the next show to start….little did we know that there was no next show so we busted some tracks to get to another cinema…we waited for we to start so I decided to to get a coke and corn- I never had supper before I left- we saw meet the fockers, it was an ok movie…I mean I didn’t like it so much but heck it was better then staying home for another night. All in all it was a pretty good night though- I like the beer lol.

I was watching a show earlier today about nice guys. now you might not realise it but I am a nice guy and I've been made aware that nice guys don’t really do well in relationships- I mean they’re too concerned about other people so they basically give away their own life to help others…so I'm not sure peeps, maybe I'm not destined for anything after all…but I’ll still live my life in the best way I can- relationship or not.

Did a li’l clothe shopping yesterday- picked up some awesome new trousers and a super jersey for the upcoming winter season *sigh* I love winter. Also I went to check if resident evil 4 actually was in (all games come here about 2 months later then usa) but as I expected it was not in…however I did check out the new Nintendo DS which got here Friday and I gotta say that is one awesome little piece of hardware, played metroid prime hunters on it and to be honest I believe that if I had the money and more importantly the time then id get it coz I had a lot of fun on it coz its just so…original- kinda suits me in that sense.

Well folks guess I’ll be seeing yous around…sometime I hope, so take care all- I’ll be watching hehe…j/k

-J-

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