Saturday, February 5, 2005

ighsuaper;gioeahjgilo;ahkldvad]#hprwt

ey folks guess what, im drunk... ive never been drunk b4 but afta a whole botle of wiski and half a botl smirnof...ah lol cloud nine i say, extra special scotch distilled in merry scotland y'know what im saying right. but hey dont mind me kiddies- booze is bad 4 ya and so is smoking so leave all that stuff. well i just thought wtf the world is phuked up so bad and you know im tireed og carring and putting all the worlds problems on my shoiulders. in fact ive decided that their really is no point to life, its just one mix of phued shit thta really doesnt need me around, if i owned something lethal then i might not even be here because my presence has become redundant. anyway enjoy your wekeend all and have a merry saturday all lol ^_^^ haha argh (why do i say that sooo much eh? im really screwed up in the head by the way- ask my other personalities)..................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

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Tuesday, February 1, 2005

The bores of the 1st day blues...

Well the first day of lectures was ok…incredibly boring but it still went ok. Our lecturer came about 2 hours late but luckily another lecturer came to substitute (he’s better then the real one but still). The people in my class are…well they’re a little hmmm I guess you could call them diverse: 2 Indian blokes, one guy that’s so egotistical that it seems as though he’ll blow up, one very odd gut (I think he’s a little depressed- probably into punk or metal), a black guy that’s really nice, an Afrikaner who is also very nice and one fellow with bright orange hair…I barely know any of their names but I’ll learn them over time. The timetable has remained relatively the same as last year with the exception of the ordering of Thursday’s lectures. You know I should stop making these premonitions… Yesterday my lecturer said be on time for tomorrow at 9 and I said “hey sure, im never late”. When I got home I told my folks about the strict laws of attendance: “ if you are more then 10 minutes late for a lecture then you are marked absent- 3 absent marks and you are given a disciplinary hearing with the possibility of expulsion. I said to them that what if there is bad traffic? One can’t really control such a thing so I was a little nervous…so naturally I left at about 8:30 and wouldn’t you know it- the most incredibly bad traffic for the whole way since the start of corlett drive (a road leading to the high-way)…I arrived at about 9:07- 3 minutes later and I would have been marked absent. Naturally it could only happen to me: mister Murphy’s Law! Anyway I’ve been doing some rough sketches on the main protagonist for The Vertigo Institute…his names Eliot Rayn (tentative title). Its only a rough concept sketch that I did in a few minutes during my boring class. Ok then all, take are of yourselves. -J- P.S. hey I’m getting better at this updating thing- guess its because my life has become more active

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Monday, January 24, 2005

900 big ones...in a barrel

Howzit all, well wouldnt you know it- after all the this time on myO i finally got my 900th hit! well i suppose its nothing really major but thanks to all the people that have visited my site since i started out here...i mean without all you it wouldnt have een possible, am i right or am i right? well just a special thanks going out to those that visit my site and comment on my posts even though its not that often.

well the pain has eased somewhat after taking myprodol which sorta knocks me out for about 2 hours after taking it...but im afraid that i may have to go onto antibiotics because the wounds may be infected or i may have dry socket which could be the reason why i have such unbearable pain at times...i have the worst luck. well ive been going through a rather emotional time recently and the reasons for this shall remain private until i have at least sorted out certain issues in my life.
college starts again on thursday so i'm going to be quite busy for the rest of the year- meaning that i'll probably only go online on thursdays and fridays...kinda sucks especially since i wont get to chat with any of my good friends.

well thats it for now ut hopefully i will get another chance to post before college starts...unfortunately im too preoccupied to draw a 900 hit pic...not like it really matters anyway but hopefully i will have my website going soon.

-J-

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Thursday, January 20, 2005

Wisdom is in the mouth of the beholder...
Well hiya everybody! how you all been doing? well i can honestly say that im not doing well at all...why is that you ask? well i'll tell you.
yesterday i went for surgery at 9am, it was to remove my confounded wisdom teeth. im just warning all those that have yet to get there's removed- its the most utterly excrutiating pain that i have ever experienced in my life...of course my opperation had complications because all my wisdom teath were impacted (in other words they never came out) so my surgery took almost about an hour instead of 45 minutes. when i woke up it felt like i had just come out of street fight- the pain was so unbearably sore that my whole face was in pain even including my eyeballs. all i have to say is be warned and hopefully your teeth aren't impacted like mine were. of course i could only eat soft foods like soup and jelly and chocolate pudding but i think today i am going to try eating solids, my mouth is still in incredible pain and its annoying because the painkillers seem to have no effect on me at all so besides for having to put icepacks on my swolen cheeks for the whole time, i also have to chug a whole lotta pills. i also took a little battle damage like my lip was cut and so was my cheek but i can deal with that.

i was thinking of phoning a few people the day before i went in but then i realised : wtf? why on earht should i call them? i mean its not like they would ever call me...im always the one to call international etc but im pretty sure that nobody would ever call me, i mean the only people that ever called me was my ex-girlfriend and that was when i was contemplating suicide and the other person was ash (a good old friend of mine who i speak to more or less every week), so bump that i just called ash before i went into surgery and strangely enough she was the first person i called after i woke up- even before my mom!

im beginning to grow tired of doing all these things for everyone but I'll talk about it another time so until next time!

-J-

P.S. i said all of that with a weird voice coz of my swolen mouth.
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Saturday, January 15, 2005

New beginings...
Hmmm well it looks like i havent really post here very much...i guess its not that ive been busy but rather that i dont have anything to say that any of you can relate to...well i dunno.

well anyway birthday month has been over for a while and it looks like my site is on need of a revamp so yeah i go change it now, but also this is a new year so its time to start anew as well...im not to sure if ive overstayed my welcome either because ive been on myO for well over a year now, it seems that after people reach this time they begin to leave and yes i am starting some new things in my life...im changing.

well theres not much more to say right now but i'll fill you in on anything that goes on...and hey people- why not pm me, i havent got a pm since new year.

-J-
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Saturday, January 1, 2005

A year to remember...
Well folks another year has gone by…it was an interesting year and I have to say that this is one of the better years that ive had. A year of love, loss, work, happiness and depression but definitely a year to remember.
Some of you may have noticed that I haven’t been around for a while…well I would tell you now but it seems that this is not an appropriate time and a few of you do know already but until I tell you we’ll just be doing this new years thing that everybody hates lol.
I suppose I don’t really need to reiterate about this past year seeing that I did that in my birthday post (check from 2 posts ago) as I went into detail back then but I shall tell you bit about the highlights of this past year as a whole- not only my year but all that has happened to the people:

Ok some of the main points of last year was me deciding to go to college and being able to finish the year without killing myself. Another highlight was that I found love…that’s quite a big one since I had never experienced this emotion with anyone before last year and I have to say that it is something that hopefully all of you experience…not love but true love- what im saying is not the stupid grade school and high school love coz that stuff is all superficial crap that only paves the way to mature love. And I suppose that is really it for me, not a lot happened but what little did happen was of a greater magnitude then all the little things put together.

And now South African highlights:
Ok a big one was that we one the bid to host the 2010 FIFA soccer world cup.
Another major thing that happened was that South African actress charlize Theron (pronounced te rawn) won the academy award for best actress…that was quite nice.
Some other lesser important things happened but I wont bore you with those...excepting that the Frikken ANC party one the national elections for the 3rd time running since we became a democracy.
I wont really go into international affairs because there are just so many of them that its just silly to note…excepting that I just have to wish that all the families of those victims of the asian tsunami my condolences for their losses and that those who haven’t been found the best of luck.

And that sums up the year then ^^
So just to everyone have a great 2005 and I know this year is gonna be good!
Tomorrow I’ll go over new years resolutions and etc and son and so forth lol.

Take care of yourselves, ok?
-J-

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Monday, December 13, 2004

the blues
Hey all! Its been a while hasn’t it?

All I can say is that its good to be back and yes I did miss you all, hope you didn’t miss me…whom I kinding of course you didn’t lol.
Well I got back from the beach at about 5:30am last Friday and I have to truly say that I really enjoyed it (especially since it’s the 1st time my grandmother never came with lol what a hag)
Im gonna have to simplify the story so here goes:
Day 1- got there, pool, beach, sun, sea, sleep
Day 2- woke up, cousin’s birthday, pool, started drawing my anime, beach, sea, long walk on the beach, party at night till late...
Day 3- stormy and windy weather, no sun…drew peoples pictures
Day 4- repeat previous except I drew out more of my anime and went shopping
Day 5- weather clears up a little, went seaside shopping for the first x-mas present I ever bought in my life, boozed up before the bus lol…a little going away thing, left for jo’burg at 10:15pm

The bus trips were terrible…im not great with sitting next to stinky obese people that have a need to share their boring life story with me not to mention telling me about the countless men on tv they want OMG all I wanted to do was sleep and she almost got me thinking that life was no longer worth living for another 7 hours…I was quite prepared to remove myself by desperately trying to fit through that tiny window.
Trip back was better…quiet guy like me who just finished 1st year engineering.

I may go more in depth with it at a later time and be sure to know that I shall upload some photos. Gifts will be posted soon…as soon as I get photos from 2 people that said they’d give me but unfortunately have not.

Ive been going to random sites lately and noticed that flaunting your depression and begging sympathy seem to be very popular topics for posts…is this true? Should I start doing it as well?
I most definitely have a lot of internal depression looming within my being but I don’t want any sympathy or such and such. I usually keep it all bottled up but im not sure…personally I don’t really enjoy reading about other peoples depression coz I its apparently my lifes mission to sort out other peoples issues and I seem to be growing somewhat tired of it after 14 years. But my depression isn’t about how school and teachers are eternally out to get me or friends are conspiring against me behind my back or ive got about 45 minutes to live or ive got some life threatening illness and I just want to die right now or my bills are so sky high that ive gotta sell my soul coz I just got fired from my fast food job any other material based depression.
My depression is a little more complicated- I don’t tell anybody about it and for good reason too: most people don’t care, the problem cant be solved, people usually get tired of listening and its highly personal…im very different on the inside, very complicated.

A bit of a strange post but itl get easier soon.
Well that concludes the post and yeah im just asking your opinion on the post thing. Im just telling you now that there may be some big changes around here and yeah you all just take care of yourselves ok?


Stubborn Rebellion


Which Inner Demon (tm) Possesses You?
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Saturday, December 4, 2004

Its my birthday and i'll sigh if i want to, cry if i want to, die if i want to...
The aftermath...

this must have been the suckiest birthday i ever had. i woke up to a day that would turn out to be like any other day...except worse.
what i did that day you ask? well i did absolutely nothing...thats it! nothing, i didnt draw, i didnt jam any video games, i didnt walk in the park...all i did was sit, sit and do nothing.
i didnt receive even one phone call the whole day...one would think that their very close cousin would at least call but alas he did not. i myself didnt even get to talk with my angel...i was sad but i cant change what has already been no matter how much i regret not being able to hear her sweet voice *sigh*
and to top it all off my mother didnt even cook me lunch and i was stuck eating MY FATHERS left over dinner from last night!

the better part of the day...

at about 19:30 my father treated the family to our "traditional meal" spent outside...this time around we went to this very cool mall(well its more like a miniature town) called melrose arch where there were all these really swank looking restuarants but i decided that we should go to this place called "the meat co.", a really upmarket steak house and from what u can tell it was definitely the best choice. I as well as my brother and father ordered 300 grams of the most tender, juicy (getting your mouth watering yet?), delicious lazy aged steak i ever tasted in my life (and yes it was way too much for me served with onion rings and chips) while my mother ordered and equally delicious 250g fillet steak, after the main course i was given a complimentory ice-cream with chocolate sauce, courtesy of the meat co. which i happily shared with my family. the meal now over (and
contrary to what i was previously told) i actually did receive gifts from my parents as well as my 12 year old brother and from the shape of its packaging i am led to believe that the three envelopes hold a rather hefty sum of money...or it could just be cards, i havent opened them and i'll tell you what it is when i open it.
I was pleasantly surprised when that same cousin that didnt call me showed up at my house after i returned and little did i know what he had in store for me...he and his little brother came in Jarryd (the older one) holding a long thing oblong box- wrapped with a ribbon and hand made card (complete with silly spelling mistakes like "birtday" lol). I opened it with much anticipation and my curiosity was rewarded (remember vanila coke?lol) with a very ornate replica of a Japanese katana blade...looks more like a wo dao because the scabard and hilt are decorated in a resin made to look like some ivory- dragons grace these parts of the sword and it seems as though there are chinese characters on the scabard (im not sure though).
now i have one problem- Jarryd who was my best and one of my only friends (till we started school) has given me the most wonderful gift that means so much because he knows i love weaponry (swords in particullar) but i have no idea what he likes because he is rather plain, except for his amazing and somewhat sickening devotion to his religion and i refuse to give him an object of that kind as it goes against my beliefs.
i may draw him a picture from a photo that recaptures the magical moments of our youth and then make a custom frame with engraved aluminium and wood...but i wont be able to complete it as he will be on holiday with me and his birthday coincidentally is on the 6th (we're born 4 days apart). i'll have to give him an apology- im getting good at it because i say sorry so often now. and that is the conclusion of my birthday...for the most of the day it was boring and depressing but closer to the end it really became something special, but i still didnt get to speak to my love...that would have been the icing on the top (my favourite part of the cake lol)

i leave for Durban today...Ballito Bay to be exact. i'll be leaving at about 22:30 my time and its a 7 hour bus drive. after i get there its just surf and sun and believe me when i say that im gonna relax, just the holiday i need to get refreshed from college. it may turn out to be something great...theres a bar down the road so its a good setting for my cousins birthday lol, but it may not be so good as in i might get bored. im sure i'll come back with many funny stories to tell and a plethora of photos to exibit.
I will miss you all (and i know that i sound pathetic but take it from a guy who has no friends except for those on myO)...i will especially miss: Rayea, Krystle, Anna, Katie and Mistral to name but a few...i just hope you dont miss me too much ^_^ lol.

i arrive back in Jo'burg on friday morning and i'll try to update you on my holiday.

so until then my friends, take care of yourselves and enjoy your time at home because family is important but also dont forget to wear your AIDS ribbon and show your support.

-J-

P.S. i know i never asked for a gift from anyone but i was slightly depressed when i found out that i had about 40 hits over the last 2 days (which brought me up to 820 visits woohoo) but not even one solitary person even signed my guestbook, nor did anyone even vote for my art and not to mention my new poll is up and the 3 votes up there include mine. youre all still welcome to leave birthday messeges on my previous post or as a pm but please can visitors at least show some sign that they were here. i hate to be a nag but in the end its your decision. thanks


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Thursday, December 2, 2004

Happy Birthday to me!
Well another year has passed.
Today I was thinking about all that’s happened over the passed year and I decided to recap it here.
December 2003 was just like every other year- had the birthday (nothing happened as usual), went to the coast, however this time around I was totally ecstatic when I found out that I had passed matric (but just barely- I almost failed because of 1 subject). Well as usual I spent the rest of the holiday doing pretty much nothing but came February it was time to begin what would surely decide my future- animation college!
My whole year has been for this college:
1st semester- Photoshop and premiere, pixelation and intro to conceptual art;
2nd semester- 3Ds MAX (modelling), Claymation and advanced art 101;
3rd semester- 3Ds MAX (animation 101- story telling), advanced Conceptual art 2 (creativity and conceptualising);
4th semester- 3Ds MAX (advanced animation- biped character animation), final conceptual work- graphic novel (sum up of the years art)
college was hard to put it mildly bearing with hours that ranged from 9am- 6pm but eventually went to 7am to 10pm…then it went on to nights where I never even went home.

the year has been filled with toil, hard work, sleepless nights, heartbreak, extremely strict deadlines…over all a very tough year- harder then any of my school years.

But this year was also a very good year:
I made a few very good friends on myO which is very important because everyone back home hates me for some reason…well I am a freak but that’s besides the point, I never had any friends before- well now I do even though theyre so far away. I also met my first real love…we were together for about 3 months but then we broke up, it was sad but it was for the best. My art skills increased exponentially (especially my inking and perspective) even so far that I was offered to work inking a local comic book- well there were other people submitting CVs but because of college I regretfully had to give up the job to a very talented artist and im sure he is enjoying his work very much. After all that I also start to use myO quite a lot since I hadn’t used it for about 4 or 5 months (I still need to start uploading more art).
At the strange turn of events…about a month ago I met the love of my life, I cant explain much because what she means to me are more then what words have to offer but on this special day I have written her a poem…it may not be much and very often it doesn’t seem to make much sense but for once I let my heart do all of the writing and for my heart there are no mistakes. So my angel I give to you this poem on my birthday.

Seasons of the heart

How could I love you?
Beauty nestled among the spring blossoms,
Mysterious girl of my heart,
Which comes to my arms amidst a peaceful dream.

How can you be so sweet?
Radiance emanating from your heart,
Your rich, warm summer glow,
You put my heart at ease.

How could I love you?
Soul gracefully flowing through the autumn breeze,
The one I hold so dear to my heart,
Never leave my safe embrace,

How could you be subjected to hurt?
Harsh intents of those that seek to give you pain shall stop,
No longer will your heart be shattered,
The shards left to be blown away by the winter wind.

How could I love you?
The one I care for most,
Take my heart and hold it safe,
And I shall hold yours forever more…

-J-

my angel, I love you more then anything in the world, know that I will always be there for you even if the day comes when you no longer need me…
I want to make you happy, I just hope that I am.
I give you my heart, mind, soul and spirit take them as a token of my undying love for you…

Now for a letter of apology,
I am sincerely sorry to those few of you that gave me photo’s to draw as gifts for you…I didn’t want to put them on because the others who said they would give me photos never actually did and since I have dedicated this month as a birthday month I would still like absolutely anyone who considers me a good friend or at least a friend (im sure you know who you are) to please give me photo’s of yourself- preferably a mug shot or some photo where I can at least see your face relatively clearly… you see I used to do caricatures at corporate functions and weddings and I just want to give instead of receive.
Which reminds me once again ive reached the age where my parents feel that a gift is not necessary for a birthday and im sure that I will only get a present from my grandmother (if she can remember that is) I haven’t even had any phone calls from family to wish me happy birthday…
But im getting a present from my angel and that’s all that matters to me…I don’t even need a present but knowing shes there for me and im there for her…well that’s all I ever need.

So I may update a little later because seeing that the time difference between here and the US is so great it will be a little strange when I say ive just gone out for supper and you’re all still having lunch lol.

So until then, all of you just celebrate this day as if it were your birthday and don’t forget that its AIDS month so go out and get yourself and AIDS ribbon and give charity to a worthy AIDS cause (or any other cause).

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Wednesday, December 1, 2004

World AIDS Day
its world aids day today...i feel that we should all offer a moment of silence for the victims of this terrible disease...............................................................

thank you.

many people have suffered so much and it wasnt there fault, you might not know this but south africa has one the highest rape accounts in the whole world as well as the number of aids victims. so for this month please try and where and aids ribbon and please give charity.


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