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AIM
• smoothxlegato
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Birthday
• 1985-12-02
Gender
•
Male
Location
• Johannesburg, South Africa
Member Since
• 2003-08-09
Occupation
• Commissioned artist, amateur writer
Real Name
• i have many names.....people who know me know what to call me but you can call me whatever you want- makes no difference to me (but people usually call me J)
Personal
Achievements
• I succeed in failing and fail in succeeding
Anime Fan Since
• whenever it was that i first watched it...but I am not a fan
Favorite Anime
• I do enjoy all of sunrise and hajime yatate productions...especially escaflowne, bebop, and scryed. also a fan of old school anime
Goals
• none of my goals are ever achieved. i have many...and that is the same as having none, i will only succeed at dying
Hobbies
• ...existing in an existential quandary full of loathing and self doubt
Talents
• I dont believe in talent- everything that i am good at i have worked hard to achieve that skill
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Saturday, May 21, 2005
todays post is below the subject line...
yesterday was bitter sweet.
the sweet was that i got to see the new star wars movie- i believe that it was really amazing (as usual the acting was horrid). the last half was fantastic especially. also its the weekend so thats gotta be good, only 2 days closer to my art deadline.
the bitter was something that i would rather not talk about because it involves another person (who may be reading this) and i hate talking about people behind their backs. but i will a little, i got pretty hurt yesterday...as you might know ive never been good in the love department, but ive had a fight and even though i may not have been gravely injured, my heart still cracked- im sensitive and have feelings too just to let you all know...i get hurt and i am hurt. im not going to complain because everything in this entire cadenza as usual has to be a secret to everyone so my voice is silenced...and it always is my fault.
it seems that everyone still hates me except just maybe 1 person at college and a few internet buddies. i wrote another poem and once again forgive the pessimism that is obviously evident in it but my poetry always ties up with how i feel.
sad life
painfully, pensively alone,
its my fault
the wings of the silence,
shower me with solitude
this silence is that of doubt...
painful doubt,
sad life,
but sadder sins,
for the life i wish i had,
it cant be,
this pain is mine,
and i know i cant be free,
for i have tried,
i truly have,
one other tried,
the one i love,
she tried,
but,
my sins,
are selfish,
my past is my past,
i live there,
my sins,
stop what i could be now,
happy,
im sorry for who i am,
im jealous for you,
the one i never deserved.
by J. Kanar
thats all i have to say- let me be silent.
Comments
(5)
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