Tuesday, June 14, 2005

My final post...
Yesterday I lost my love,
The woman I love…my other half I no longer have…

It wasn’t that bad but my heart hurts and I hate that. I still love you Kasi Elise but I had to let you go…sometimes when a person loves another one with all their heart- it takes more courage to let them go because you care so much about them that you sacrifice what you have with them to allow them to have a better, normal life.
I would have spent my whole life with you, but our lives headed in different directions- yours wanted confinement and normality, mine wants the freedom of the wind. I care so much about you and one day I hope you will meet another man who loves you as much as I do, who can sacrifice many hours of their time just to speak with you, who will constantly check to see if you’re alright, who will treat you as though you are everything important in this world no matter how he will suffer because of that…who will dedicated his whole life to you like I have.

My dear myOtaku friends…I fear that this may be my final post. Kasi was the one who gave my life (on the internet) purpose, I used to go online just so I could speak with her- sacrificing a lot of work time just for that…now that I no longer speak with her…there just is no point to me going on the internet anymore.
To Katie, I have enjoyed our friendship so much and I know it will never end…I just hope you don’t think I'm being a coward for leaving…but you’ll always be my 1st mate Kate.
If only things could be different…
I will miss you all…and I'm proud to call you my friends: Krystle, kout3uka, little kagome, nehszriah and of course my good friend Anna…
You’ve been more then my my family could ever be and for that I am indebted to you.

Please Kasi…keep the keys to my heart- I don’t plan on loving any other, and I have chosen a life of solitude…its what I deserve for being the person that I am…no love and care should I have, I only give love and care because I care for everybody.
The future I cannot tell but…I predict happiness for everyone, not for myself but I know everyone will be happy and to some extent it makes me happy to know all of you will and are happy.
What I do plan is that if I don’t finish my diploma for 3D animation…then I plan to go to live in Austria for a while, it’s a decision I made and as I said- my soul requires freedom…I cant live in front of the computer. I just wish I wasn’t alone.
Its odd that my only fear in life is to be alone…but in truth its what I always am- does that make me afraid of being me? Maybe its because I never had anyone and want so badly someone that I can be with but the truth still remains that I am alone…alone and lonely.

I love you Kasi, I know I told you to forget about me but always remember one thing- even when there is nobody near you…just know that there is someone who loves you and he will never forget you as long as he lives.
I let you fly in the wind now…take care my angel…

Farewell my friends…
You will all be well and I shall leave my myOtaku account here even though I may never update…just so that you can have some memories of original J: the guy that was misunderstood for who he was is not of this world. If by some twist of fate or the mind- just know that you can call me on my cellular phone- my number is: +2772 4000 955. I will always be available if you need to talk about anything- I am the shoulder…

Take care…I will miss you all

-J. Kanar-

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