Friday, May 4, 2007

   Fuck
Fuck, I hate this. My Mom and me just had a big fight. Why? Because she doesn't want me playing my music when she's watching HER SHOW.

But I CAN'T listen to the song on my headphones or in my room because it's EVENESCENCE ORIGIN AND I ORDERED IT AND IT STILL HASN;T FUCKING COME IN THE FUCKING MAIL YET AND I'M WAITING FOR FUCKING EVER AND I DON'T KNOW WHEN IT'S FUCKING COMING!!!

SO I AM FUCKING FORCED INTO LISTENING TO IT ON THE FUCKING INTERNET BUT I WON'T HAVE THE INTERNET SOON AFTERWARDS BECAUSE I'M BORROWLING MY GRANDMA'S COMPUTER AND NOW SHE'S BACK FROM TEXAS AND NEBRASKA AND WE HAVE TO GIVE IT BACK SOON!!

Sorry for my language, BUT I AM PISSED!!!!

OMG, FUCK YOU ULTRAMUSICSTORE.COM, WHEN'S MY CD COMING?!?!?!

*dies from screaming too much*
Comments (0) | Permalink

Lose Control
"Just once in my life, I think it'd be nice... just to lose control."
Man, I listen to that Evanescence song ONCE and then it gets stuck in my head. How is it that I can remember that song but I can't remember what I just stepped in the room for?! o_O

Anyways, has anyone heard of a game called "American McGee's Alice"? It's a very creepy take on Alice in Wonderland. It's about Alice is asked to return to Wonderland because the queen of hearts has taken over Wonderland with her whole "kingdom of cards" as you could call it... I think it's awesome. All the violence and blood everywhere. But the worst part is it's rate M for Mature. Just for the violence, though. But will my parents say yes? Noooo.... of course they won't.

but I gotta tell ya, the game IS pretty twisted. The Cheshire cat is nothing but a skeleton with little fur on and tweedle dee and tweedle dumb are big, vicous, cannibal giants... andthe white rabbid is RABID. Yes, I said
rabid.
And the creators made a little red riding hood game and... OMG... she is just so MORBID looking! XD I mean, her red cape is torn and she holds a bloodied axe...

Anyways, I think the American McGee's Alice game looks fun... but thing is that she has a bar that holds her "sanity" in it. If it goes empty, she goes insane and starts killing everything and everything fals into a bloody gorey mess...

OMG, it's so twisted that it looks cool. XD

Anyways, this is all I gotta say for now. bye.

EDIT: I found some pictures from the game.






Little Red Riding Hood:



Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Hello ~ Goodbye
I took a quiz on the "guru" today and I got a result that fits me quite well:




What Role Do You Play In An Anime?


Hosted by theOtaku.com: Anime. Done right.

Oh, how I logn to lie cold in the ground... just like my little brother... but my love for my family and friends set it apart...
I long to be like you, bro, lie cold in the ground llike you.

Oh, but God, I wanna let it go...
Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Has no one told you she's not breathing?
If I smile and don't believe, will I wake up from everything and will it be all right...?

Meh, forget it... one of my friends' Mom died a few days ago... it was kinda sad, because everyone was grieving and crying... just like I am... so is that why I love death? Is that why I know that the adrkness understands me...? What's wrong with me... I never used to be like this... I used to be all "Anti everything and beat the boys up grrl"... but now I'm this girl who thinks that death is such a beautiful thing... but why? I think I feel closer to my departed loved one's that way.

I am listening to "My Last Breath" by Evanescence. It's making me feel a little better. Knowing that I'll still know and love my loved ones if I'm dead.
...
I sound crazy, I know BUT I FEEL CRAZY! WTF IS WRONG WITH ME?!?! LITHIUM!!!

...say goodnight, dont be afraid.
Calling me, calling me, as you fade to black.

Ehh... shut up, there are other out there like me if you think I'm nut for my out-look on life.
Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, April 28, 2007

   I SUCK
I know this might sound emo when I say this but, ever since Wendsday I have been feeling very depressed. But I havn't been taking my anti-depressant either for a week because it doesn't HELP. I tried cutting myself with a razor blade a couple nights ago. My teachers at my new school are starting to act all starnger-like and I feel un-safe around them. Usually I don't act like this, but I've been starting to feel this sort of... HEAVYNESS... I don't know who to explain it, but it feels like their giving the weight of the world. Or even the evilness and hate inside them. I can sense other people's depression in the other room. When their not in the room, I can feel what they're feeling and I know they're hurting.
I sometimes get scared. I see them in the room, but once they leave, I feel this sharp pain, or some kind of emabarassment inside me. And I sometimes feel as if I am being... watched.

I don't really know HOW to describe this feeling in words, but I wonder if it is a gift from God. I remember back when I didn't care if I believed in Christ/God just as long as I prayed. But now I know that it's not like that. And now I have more people out there who are just like me and understand me and accept me for who I am. They understand what it's like to be isolated and be in the dark to escape cold and harsh reality. They help me to understand that the others are wrong about me. They help me to know that I'm not alone in the world.

Thye also let me know that I can stay dark and believe in my God. They know, and I know, that Goth does not mean Satanic. No matter how much we stay alive within the shadows. We're not alone. Though most of the time, my wounds cry for the grave. I try to not let it be like that. They tell me that though we're covered in death, we yearn not for eternal rest, but rather we soar with boundless joy know that we have by savd by His blood. They want to heal me, they want to save me from the dark evilness trying to take away my life.
Here in the darkness I know myself.... But yet I know I am not afraid of the dark, the dark is afraid of me. Just like all of the other kind like me....

Somehow... I hurt more than I feel... I know I am hurting all over on the inside. Heh... looking at the top of the page it says "Otaku Loves You". But why do I feel so unimportant. I am listening to "Give Unto Me" by Evanescence.
Amy is saying, "I want to save you from the dark. PLace unto me your hurting." People want to save me...?

But why won't thses wounds seem to heal...? Why do I want to stay in love with my sorrow?... Why? Why? Why I am I in love my with hurting, pain and torturing? And why do I dream of detah in the middle of the night?

Amy, I will give unto you my troubles! ((XD))....

Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, April 22, 2007

   Life sucks
Things suck. I can't believe my weekend is almost over. But I'm still kinda happy because I'm expecting something in the mail to come in and the mail doesn't come in on Sunday. TT__TT
:(
So I gues I will have to wait and put up with school like I always do.
And as for my MIDI music on this site, it is Tourniquet by Evanescence. I see some people get the lyrics mixed up. So I will type down the real ones...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I tried to kill my pain
But only brought more ((So much more))
I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayel
I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?

My God, my Tourniquet
Return to e salavtion
My God, my Tourniquet
Return to me salvation

Do you remember me
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other side
Or will you forget me

I'm dying, praying, bleeding and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?

My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my tourniquet
Return to me salvation

((Return to me salvation))
((I WANT TO DIE!!))

My God, my Tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God, my Tourniquet
Return to me salvation

My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverence
Will I be denied.
Christ! Tourniquet!
My suicide
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just wanted to clear that up since I'm an Evanescence nerd and I get pissed when epople type down the wrong lyrics and act like they know everything about Evanescence when they can't even get the lyrics right...
So anyways, that is it for today.
I am out of here...

Comments (0) | Permalink

Saturday, April 21, 2007

   Saving me, raping me...almost
'Kays, I'll try and make this as short as I possibly can considering this was a very scary incident that ALMOST happened to me... IT HAPPENED YESTERDAY, TOO!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here's how I remember it...
Yestreday me, my Dad and my little sister had to go and pick up her friend from where she lived. ((She lives VERY far away and it took almost FOREVER to egt up there.)) And while we were heading up there, we decided to take a 10-minute break along the way. We had gone to a truck stop there. While we were there, my Dad told me and my sister we could pick out something to eat. Once we got in there, creepy old guys were starting to look at me as if they were lusting after me. It got real scared and almost kinda freaked out right then. Once my sister had picked out what she wanted, my Dad told me to hurry up and get going. As I was looking at the snack bar, a creepy old guy came up to me and asked me my age. So I told him. And he goes, "Really? I was that age 32 years ago!!!!" I think I had almost died right then. So I told him, "Look, old man, big deal, ok? I don't give a rat's ass about how much older you are than me, but I've gotta go." So when I turned around and headed toward the cashier, he slapped my butt and said "Well, see ya later, little miss."
EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!! I was so mortified! *slits wrists* He was an old fart who touched me! I wanted to kick him! No, I wanted to KILL him! Rape is a crime, you rat bastard!!

Anyways, never-minding that, The trip was pretty fun. I got to see old Indian campgrounds and I got to go see bigger stores than the local ones I'm used to going to. It was SO much better. What I really liked most was the way back. When we had to cut across a graveyard at night. XD ((GAWD, that was awesome. I even felt a presence!))
Comments (1) | Permalink

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

   ...Ick...
Ok, I admit, I've been pissed. But this week has gone good so far. Sorry for my language in the last post, I was just so... pissed! >< Anyways, we DID end up having a snow day... which I thought was amazing since the wheather man said we would have snow the last day when we didn't. O_X

Anyways, to the other people who signed my guest book, I'll end up signing your, too...^^
Comments (0) | Permalink

Sunday, April 15, 2007

   I shitted myself
Things are not goin as I had hoped them to. *sighs* Anyways, earlier today we were supposed to get a lot of snow. But guess what? We didn't get SQUAT!!! I just hope it snows tonight or really heavy sometime really early in the morning tomarrow. I don't want to go back to school! Today's the last day of spring break! Shit, shit, shit, shit and DOUBLE SHIT!!

Anyways, been seeing how everything's goin' and all, I'm not liking it too much. I'm supposed to move, yet we need to save money, yet me and my little sister need new clothes, yet our gets covered in creepy ugly lookin' bugs during the summer and yet everything is going down drain along with some more SHIT FROM ME!! ((XD))
Comments (1) | Permalink

Friday, April 13, 2007

Shinitzel...
Been board altely nothing else to do but think about things that make me happy... GAWD, I feel like SCREAMING now. ANYTHING to make me feel alive.

So anyways, I was messing around with some photoshop on my computer... I made this 'cause I was listening to Imaginary by Evanescence ((The original off of Origin...))



I'm thinkinf of doing something for e-cards... oh well, buh-bye.
Comments (2) | Permalink