Thursday, June 17, 2004

Every time a Sennen chokes his brother for messing him up in DDR..
..An angel gets kicked in the balls.

Ahem.

Well, summer's officially on now, and I'm not really bored yet. Between the internet, DDR and Final Fantasy, I'm pretty sastisfied with repetitious days. I do hope to go to the mall with some friends in the next week or so, to see a few movies that I feel like would be a good time waster (The Chronicles of Riddick, Spiderman 2, Dodgeball..). Hopefully I won't end up sitting dumbly on the couch with a stare like that of a lobotomized person begging to go back to school, like every past year.

I "killed" Seymour in FFX a few hours ago.. God, is he supposed to be Square's revival of Sephiroth? I haven't even noticed a real, vile, despisable character in the game so far (The way I see it, unless I'm forgetting some rather important information, Sin is a victim as well).

But, yeah. I still like the game, though I see hardly any plot, and I'm twenty hours in. Even my brother, who plays Time Crisis 3 and calls it the greatest game of all time while there's hardly any plot and all of the dialogue is something out of a sadistic Blue's Clues episode, asked me fifteen hours in: "So.. When does the story come around?"

The battle system kicks major ass, though, so I have no reason to really complain.

I'm still debating about whether or not I should do the unlimited-game-rentals-at-Blockbuster program thing. By the time I'm bored this summer, between my current three obsessions and a probable trip to Pittsburg, there probably won't be that much time left to take much advantage of the card. I could probably go to Gamestop and spend those fifty dollars at Gamestop and get several used games permenantly.

As I sit here right now, I'm reading Shinmaru's myOtaku post from yesterday, and I'm realizing how superficial I can be sometimes. I mean, just look at what I've been writing so far in this mO update. Is any of it relevant? Will I really care about Metal Gear Solid 3 ten years from now? It's all so trivial. I want to do something important, something that will be worth doing.

The internet, video games, my drawings, Photoshop.. In the end, it's all irrelevant. Of course, knowing all of you is a great thing, but when I think of AOL Instant Messenger the first thing that comes to mind is "Crappy substitute for real conversations and relationships." I don't mean to offend anyone by saying this, but this odd tear-yourself-down feeling is setting in because of listening to this particular MP3 that reminds me of someone, which in turn led me to reflecting on my social life, which inevitably ended up making me think about all of the mistakes I've made with that particular person.

All because of the damn internet.

I hope to do something important. I would like to win a writing contest, or some artist contest or something, but I'm not good enough at anything to do that. There are always superiors, always people far better than me. What is my particular gift? If we're all good at something, as we're all taught as children, what is my superior talent?

And now I feel like I'm moping and complaining to people. I hate it when people do that. Self-loathing really sucks.

And now that I have that out of my system..

I think I need a more personal journal or something, so I can write the depressing stuff in there, and you all can read the happy little bouncy things that give you all that warm fuzzy feeling. But then, years from now, I'll look at that journal, say "God, what an annoying little depressed idiot I was back then." And that certainly won't be a good thing either.

..Somehow, this post feels like a rerun. Every time I do something like this it feels like the same thing- "Oh, I'm whining about how life is a horrible experience, and yet I don't know real pain and sorrow!"

I'll make up for this sorry excuse for a post tomorrow.
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