Sunday, December 26, 2004

Fine, don't comment. See if I care.

Comment Commentary

Syk- Bah, I was expecting to freeze my ass off, but I've built up a resistance due to our evil weather before school. It's not cold at all.

Karmi- Yeah. ;_;

Shin- All the humor was in the narration.. Because of that, I was worried about the movie, but some of it transferred well. Sunny's lines were way funnier in the books.

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Considering I only updated a little while ago, there's not too much news to report. We're over here again, this time for a football game (Steelers are winning 16 to 7, woot), and of course I'm not that interested. I know about football, and I'll watch a little of it every so often, but I don't watch it religiously, not even for the Steelers, who have been engraved into my brain from years of my parents' fandome.

So I guess I'll just talk about some of the odd things I've noticed about this crazy little town.

Whenever you go to a different place, there are always little details that differ from where you live. I've been here enough times to make a few observations worth noting, the first being the kindness of the townsfolk. It's sort of disgusting, frankly. Being the big city (suburb) boy from California that I am, I'm used to everyone being jackasses. Here, people are courteous, and I have the uncontrollable urge to kick them. Kindness is bad. I want the people bagging my groceries to spit in my eggs, otherwise I get homesick. Hell, I even asked some guy walking down the street to call me a douchebag.

There's a lot of terminology, too. Instead of rubber band, people say "gum band." The first time I was here I asked somebody for rubber bands, and they didn't know what I was talking about. Now, with more experience, I know that not everybody is completely oblivious to this west-side term, but I suppose my reaction was funny the first time. There's also "take out the light." This means simply "turn off the light," but much irritation has come from this one. My dad got yelled at for three straight hours one time because he actually unplugged a light and sat it on the front porch.

Which was stupid.

But funny.

I've seen people wearing shorts here.

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*takes a minute to kick the creators of Sonic Adventure 2's heads in* God damn I'm getting tired of hearing this game.

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Everybody is a football fan here. It's game day, you see, and I haven't seen a single person outside of my house that didn't have black and gold on. Thus, I believe that if anybody who isn't wearing black and gold shall be interrogated, accused of being a Chargers fan, and burned at the stake outside of the stadium.

Every single restaurant seems to have a name such as Eat-and-Park, Poot-and-Scoot, or something of that sort. It follows a formula: Verb + conjunction + other verb = restaurant. There you go. Pizza is greasier here, food is fattier.. Portions are the same, but prices are cheaper. Eat-and-Park is similar to Denny's (They seem to be big on smilie faces), but it's so much cheaper than in California. It's unfair.

There aren't as many big roads. In California there are always main thoroughfares (God, if I spelled that right, my self esteem will go up three points) that you drive through, but here, in the suburbs of Pittsburgh, you always have to drive through the little neighborhood streets. It's cool at Christmastime because you can see all of the decorations (I took a few pictures of the available "highlights"), but it's alway winds around and you can get lost easily.

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..I am going to have to go do something, such as putting my fingers in my ears and shouting "LA LA LA" really loudly to avoid hearing Sonic Adventure 2. Buh-bye.

EDIT: Before I forget, we were watching the local Adelphia station last night and the "Midnight Movie" came on. Considering how poorly funded the station is, it's usually one of those obscure movies you'll never care about. This time, however, they went all-out and jumped for a big-time movie. A holiday classic. A hearwarming story for the whole family for generations to come.

And that movie is called "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."

It was, shockingly, a story about Santa Claus and Martians. Not so much the conquering, though. Santa got taken away from Earth for whatever reason (I was too busy laughing), and I don't know why but there were two human children with him who always seemed to have a primal symbiotic need to be touching him, and there were two factions of the Martians: The happy, friendly ones with funny hats and nasty, inconsistent makeup who wanted Santa to make toys for the Martian children, and the bad, evil Martians with funny hats and nasty, inconsistent makeup who didn't want the children to be happy.

Or something.

I wasn't really paying attention.

Anyway, Santa's Martian Workshop was all mechanized and happy and shit. There were little chutes marked with such things as "bat," "doll," and "train." Twelve of them, I believe, which led to very constrained giftage. What about the kids who want world peace, or a new mommy since their old one died of three obscure STDs contracted from cats, or plutonium?

"I got a train! What did you get?"
"..I got a train too. Same one."
"Santa, you bitch!"

In the end, Santa got to go back to Earth because some retarded alien who wanted to be Santa got his extra suit (and somehow accumulated a fake beard) and proved to be good at pushing buttons, despite his.. Mental handicaps, so he became the new Martian Santa. And Earth Santa didn't mind his enslavement, and had no hard feelings. And the evil Martians, with their semi-automatic laser beams got defeated by a bunch of children, Martian and Human, with a bunch of confetti and toys and shit. Yay for the little children! Boo for a millenium of military technology.

If you ever have the chance to see this movie, watch it. It's so Mystery Science Theatre 3000 material.
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