Thursday, December 29, 2005

Flowers and Swanky Portapotties

Comment Commentary

Lewna- You too!

Shin- The only people that have come to my door since Christmas are my brother's eleven-year-old friend and the UPS man.

Was I supposed to come on to them? I didn't get the memo.

Des- Ah, okay. It just seems really dated to me.

John- But it needs more Flair!

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So I worked on a float for the Rose Parade yesterday.

From what they tell me, it's a pretty well-known, internationally broadcasted event (I wouldn't know), but for the uninitiated, it's a big New Years Day parade in Hollywood where big companies make floats covered in organic materials to advertise for their shit. It's large, and maybe in charge, and so they need a lot of manpower to get their floats done.

So here comes the Kiwanis cavalry, here to save the day and tape poppy seeds to an elephant's ass.

Now to end the pessimism, kittens.



I really did have a nice time. I knew most of the people that went with us, so we whistled while we worked, and maybe a bit more.

From four o'clock to eleven in the evening we did their business, which took place in a large, colorful and pleasantly scented hangar. We were assigned to a float entitled "Photograph Safari." It captured the concept of its title pretty well, as there were African animals, and a safari truck.

Now there were two enemy forces that decided to grate on me throughout the day: The Kiwanis people, whom I will always hate with a passion because they take their community service way too seriously, and they come off as pretty condescending to the young'ns, and the Phoenix Decoration Company, because their asses are on the line if the monkey's left asscheek has a blank patch the diameter of a peanut.

So lots of criticism, and lots of bossing around. I expect some of that to be there, since we're so close to the deadline and everything, but it seemed really oppressive in there, rather than cheery and flowery like you would imagine.

We also got lukewarm hot dogs, salad fresh out of the bag and some cookies. So I guess we beat the system?

At one point the Los Angeles ABC News Team was filming the float right next to ours, where a simple 180 degree camera turn would have revealed us (I actually think I saw one of my friends), but that's probably for the better.

Us Rose Parade volunteers have the mouths of drunken sailors, you know.

So, if you happen to watch the Rose Parade the day after New Year's (They're doing it the day after for some strange reason), and you see "Photograph Safari," and your high-definition TV reveals a small patch on the elephant's left asscheek that was not covered in two parts golden seeds and one part poppy, take pride in knowing that you kinda-sorta know the person that left that patch blank, perhaps as a big "eff you" to
The man.
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