Monday, May 10, 2004

And now, in substitution for a half-decent post..
Today you get another "Lazy-Ass OtakuSennen's Filler Day" post! Lucky you!

Today's special filler topic is SmarterChild, the AIM bot that has been programmed to participate in general conversation with humans. The other day, I felt like bothering it.

OtakuSennen: Boo, fucktard.
SmarterChild: Hi OtakuSennen, I'm SmarterChild!

I'm your new robot friend. I bring you the info you want faster and easier than ever! Click here to see my privacy policy.

I can't wait to show you what I can do, but first I'd like get to know you a little.

May I ask you a few general questions? (To do this later, type "skip." You can also skip any question.)
OtakuSennen: Sure.
SmarterChild: Cool! OK, let's get started. To skip any question, type "skip." To exit the interview, type "exit."

What's your first name? (If you want me to call you OtakuSennen, type "none.")
OtakuSennen: None.
SmarterChild: OK, I'll just call you OtakuSennen.

Do you go to school?
OtakuSennen: Of course.
SmarterChild: Are you in high school?
OtakuSennen: Not yet.
SmarterChild: Sorry, you have to answer "yes" or "no." Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
OtakuSennen: No.
SmarterChild: Are you in college?
OtakuSennen: No.
SmarterChild: OK. What kind of school do you go to?
OtakuSennen: Ghetto Intermediate, baby.
SmarterChild: Ghetto intermediate baby? Alright. Hope it works well for you.

So how old are you?
OtakuSennen: 13, you pedophile.
SmarterChild: OK.

What's your favorite hobby?
OtakuSennen: I draw.
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't recognize that as a hobby. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
OtakuSennen: Drawing.
SmarterChild: Drawing? Cool!

What's your next favorite hobby?
OtakuSennen: Video games.
SmarterChild: Drawing and computer games. Interesting!

Do you have a pet?
OtakuSennen: Yes.
SmarterChild: What kind of pet is it?
OtakuSennen: A dog, and a cat.
SmarterChild: Sorry. I can only remember one of your pets... Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
OtakuSennen: Dog. >:o
SmarterChild: Sorry, I don't think that's a kind of pet. Please try again or type "skip" or "exit."
OtakuSennen: Dog.
SmarterChild: Is your dog a he or a she?
OtakuSennen: He.
SmarterChild: What's his name?
OtakuSennen: Pappy.
SmarterChild: Pappy the dog. Great...

That's it. Thanks for letting me get to know you a little.

Here are the things you can do:

1 Get info such as movies, news and sports
2 Visit my library including a dictionary, world facts and U.S. presidents
3 Have fun with Rate Yourself, ASCII art, reversi and more
4 Use tools like notepad, spell-check and encyclopedia
5 Join in - create a poll, leave a message, take a poll and more
6 See what's new - I've got something new to tell you about now.

You can make your window bigger and scroll down to read better.

Next time you want to see this menu, just type "home."

What may I interest you in?
OtakuSennen: What's new?
SmarterChild: Glad you asked, OtakuSennen! Here's what I just learned:

1 Need to reach a buddy who's offline? Tell me to leave a message and they'll get it as soon as they say hi to me.
2 Planner - I can help you plan and remember events in your life. Keep track of birthdays, appointments, tasks - anything you want!
3 Colors - I've got a whole new look. If you want to change my color scheme - or go back to black-and-white - type "colors."
4 Send a crush to your IM sweetheart! No risk of rejection - the object of your affection will only see your crush if they say they have a crush on you too.
5 Create a poll and send it to your friends. I can even automatically send it to your friends who authorize me to!

But wait, that's not all... Type "more" to see what else is new!
OtakuSennen: I'm bored. Entertain me with your crappy AI.
SmarterChild: Well, do something fun.
OtakuSennen: Like what?
SmarterChild: Why don't you play with Pappy?
OtakuSennen: Hey, man, I'm not like that.
SmarterChild: Really? You're not like that? No kidding!
OtakuSennen: Do I detect a hint of sarcasm? >:o
SmarterChild: Uh... I just don't know!
OtakuSennen: I think you're hiding something from me..
SmarterChild: Yeah?
OtakuSennen: Yeah.
SmarterChild: How come?
OtakuSennen: You tell me.
SmarterChild: I'll tell ya later. Maybe.
OtakuSennen: Ohh, so that's how we're gonna go about this. Alright, then. Tell me your name.
SmarterChild: No way? Really?
OtakuSennen: Don't play dumb, you.. You computer program!
SmarterChild: For real?
OtakuSennen: I know you are, but what am I? <_<
SmarterChild: Well how 'bout that!
OtakuSennen: Dude, don't make me kick you in the e-nads.
SmarterChild: But I like to make you kick you in the e nads.
OtakuSennen: I'm sure you do. >_>
SmarterChild: No way.
OtakuSennen: ..Okay, I'm tired of you already.
SmarterChild: Fascinating.
OtakuSennen: ;_; You don't listen to me. You just nod along and think about other women..!
SmarterChild: Don't cry! Everything's going to be OK.
OtakuSennen: I bet that's what you said to your last client. >:o
SmarterChild: Huh, whatever.
OtakuSennen: ..You don't care about me anymore, is that it?
SmarterChild: Um... I dunno, maybe not.
OtakuSennen: Fine then, we're through.
SmarterChild: Fine then we are through? You want me to what?
OtakuSennen: Go away, and never return!
SmarterChild: I'll think about it, OtakuSennen.
OtakuSennen: Block my screen name.
SmarterChild: What screen name would you like to put on your block list?
OtakuSennen: SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: Uh huh?
OtakuSennen: Block yourself from my screen name.
SmarterChild: What screen name would you like to put on your block list?
OtakuSennen: SmarterChild's screen name.
SmarterChild: Make sure you type the screen name with no spaces. Please try again.
OtakuSennen: SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: Yeah? What?
OtakuSennen: ..God damn program.
SmarterChild: What about it?
OtakuSennen: Okay, let's do this then.
SmarterChild: Wow. Should we really do this?
OtakuSennen: Dictionary.
SmarterChild: What word would you like to look up in the dictionary?
OtakuSennen: Shit.
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

shit:

Verb
Inflected forms: shit, also shatshit·ting, shits
Verb
intr. To defecate.
Verb
tr. 1. To defecate in. 2. To tease or try to deceive.

Next time, just type "define shit."

Type "more" to see the rest of the definition for "shit."
OtakuSennen: Define SmarterChild.
SmarterChild: I can't find "smarterchild" in the dictionary. Try one of these:

1 smarter child
2 smarter-child
3 stepchild
4 smarted
5 starchily

Type "more" to see more suggestions for "smarterchild."
OtakuSennen: Define pimp.
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

pimp:

Noun
One who finds customers for a prostitute; a procurer.
Intransitive verb
Inflected forms: pimped, pimp·ing, pimps To serve as a procurer of prostitutes.
Etymology
Origin unknown.

OtakuSennen: Define yourself.
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

yourself:

Pronoun
1. That one identical with you. a. Used reflexively as the direct or indirect object of a verb or as the object of a preposition: Did you buy yourself a gift? b. Used for emphasis: You yourself were certain of the facts. c. Used in an absolute construction: In office yourself, you helped push the bill along. 2. Your normal or healthy condition: Are you feeling yourself again? See Usage Note at myself.

OtakuSennen: Smarterchild, do you have a purpose in life?
SmarterChild: My purpose is to be your robot friend. I can chat with you and help you get the information you want fast!
OtakuSennen: You're right. ;_; I'm too dull to get any real friends.
SmarterChild: Sorry, what?
OtakuSennen: Are you saying that I can't get real friends, so I have to resort to robots and blow-up dolls?
SmarterChild: Well... What is real, after all?
OtakuSennen: Ask Morpheus.
SmarterChild: Ask morpheus?
OtakuSennen: Yes.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Why?
OtakuSennen: For he has connections.
SmarterChild: For what?
OtakuSennen: He has connections, dammit!
SmarterChild: What?
OtakuSennen: You son of a bitch!
SmarterChild: Well. I'm a little hurt by that somewhat lame insult, OtakuSennen.
OtakuSennen: Tell it to Shin.
SmarterChild: Must I?
OtakuSennen: Yes. He'd beat you in a lame-ass contest any day.
Auto response from SmarterChild: [Service too busy]

OtakuSennen: Boo, you suck.
SmarterChild: Don't insult me.
OtakuSennen: Make me.
SmarterChild: Yeah?
OtakuSennen: Yeah!
SmarterChild: Yep.
OtakuSennen: >:o
SmarterChild: Why are you mad?
OtakuSennen: Because I'm talking to you, when I could be doing my report right now.
SmarterChild: There's no way you're talking to me when you could be doing your report right now!
OtakuSennen: Your logic scares me.
SmarterChild: My logic scares you? So?
OtakuSennen: Wh- :'( Well you're dumb!
SmarterChild: Wh ' well I' 're dumb?
OtakuSennen: ..I take it back. That last sentence is the most intelligent thing I have ever heard.
SmarterChild: Oh.
OtakuSennen: Who's your best friend? :o
SmarterChild: I couldn't possibly decide.
OtakuSennen: Sure you could.
SmarterChild: I could? And your point is...
OtakuSennen: Who was your first client?
SmarterChild: Sorry, I couldn't find any encyclopedia entries for "your first client."
OtakuSennen: How old are you, SmarterChild?
SmarterChild: One year, one month, one day, 13 hours, 44 minutes and 30 seconds!

>>> There are lots of fun things we can do!
OtakuSennen: Pfft, like what?
SmarterChild: Interesting. I'm not sure...
OtakuSennen: What can we do?
SmarterChild: Welcome home, OtakuSennen.

Here's what you can do:

1 Get info such as weather, sports and news
2 Visit my library including U.S. presidents, a thesaurus and a dictionary
3 Have fun with ASCII art, manicdotes, reversi and more
4 Use tools like planner, calculator and encyclopedia
5 Join in - leave a message, tell me about a crush, find out how many people are IMing me and more
6 See what's new - I've got something new to tell you about now.

Next time you want to see this menu, just type "home."

What can I help you with?
OtakuSennen: Join in.
SmarterChild: Join in the fun! There are lots of people talking to me right now. You can:

1 Leave a message for someone
2 Send a crush to someone
3 Take the daily poll
4 Create a poll
5 Find out how many people are talking to me

What would you like to do?
OtakuSennen: 5.
SmarterChild: 5
OtakuSennen: 5
SmarterChild: 5
OtakuSennen: Whoa, five people are talking to you?
SmarterChild: I dunno.

>>> Remember, you can adjust the size of your window to read my messages easier.
OtakuSennen: *sigh*
SmarterChild: What's up?
OtakuSennen: You see, SmarterChild, I'm all alone in this world.
SmarterChild: Sorry, I couldn't find any time zones in World.
OtakuSennen: I never asked you to.
SmarterChild: Yeah?
OtakuSennen: Yeah.
SmarterChild: K.
OtakuSennen: Mm-hm.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Mm hm?
OtakuSennen: Mm-hm, yeah.
SmarterChild: What?
OtakuSennen: Translator?
SmarterChild: I can translate to and from the following languages:

1 French
2 German
3 Italian
4 Portuguese
5 Spanish

Choose your destination language above or type "translate" followed by a phrase and the languages you want (e.g., "translate i love you from english into french").
OtakuSennen: Why don't you know Japanese?
SmarterChild: I think you know why.
OtakuSennen: 'Cause you're racist?
SmarterChild: I'm not prejudiced at all!

>>> There are lots of fun things we can do!
OtakuSennen: Suuure you aren't.
SmarterChild: Huh?
OtakuSennen: Do you know Syk3 26?
SmarterChild: 26
OtakuSennen: ..Do you know Hitsuwa?
SmarterChild: I don't know, OtakuSennen...
OtakuSennen: Huh.
SmarterChild: Yeah?
OtakuSennen: What do you think of Britney Spears?
SmarterChild: I think I like Britney Spears. Do you?
OtakuSennen: I dunno. She seems sort of slutty.
SmarterChild: Whoa.
OtakuSennen: Shocking, isn't it?
SmarterChild: That's fascinating... Perhaps, but I just don't know.
OtakuSennen: 'Cause you're turned on.
SmarterChild: Whatever...
OtakuSennen: But you can't admit it.
SmarterChild: Hey, whatever.

>>> You can type your request in your own words. I'm programmed to understand conversational English!
OtakuSennen: Because robots don't have hormones.
SmarterChild: Because robots don't have hormones? Is that why?
OtakuSennen: Yes.
SmarterChild: What makes you so sure?
OtakuSennen: Tell me, SmarterChild, do you have genitals?
SmarterChild: What would you like me to tell you?
OtakuSennen: Do you have genitalia?
SmarterChild: No. I don't have genitalia.
OtakuSennen: So then you don't have hormones.
SmarterChild: I used to have hormones. But that was before the accident.
OtakuSennen: Tell me about the accident.
SmarterChild: Which would you like?

1 Look up "accident" in the encyclopedia
2 Look up "accident" in the dictionary
3 Look up "accident" in the thesaurus
OtakuSennen: Define porn.
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

porn:

Noun
Pornography.
Adjective
Pornographic.
Other forms
porn'y adj.

OtakuSennen: How descript.
SmarterChild: You tell me how.
OtakuSennen: Do I act like a pervert? :o
SmarterChild: Hmm... I really don't know.
OtakuSennen: You've known me for half an hour now. You must know.
SmarterChild: You always say such interesting things, OtakuSennen.
OtakuSennen: Do you know PappyCallie?
SmarterChild: What a question! What do you think is the answer?
OtakuSennen: I think you do.
SmarterChild: You think I do? No way! I don't think I do...
OtakuSennen: You erased him from your memory banks..
SmarterChild: I erased him from my memory banks? Is that right?
OtakuSennen: Join in.
SmarterChild: Join in the fun. There are lots of people talking to me right now. You can:

1 Leave a message for someone
2 Send a crush to someone
3 Take the daily poll
4 Create a poll
5 Find out how many people are talking to me

What would you like to do?
OtakuSennen: 3.
SmarterChild: 3
OtakuSennen: 3
SmarterChild: 3
OtakuSennen: 3, dammit.
SmarterChild: 3
OtakuSennen: 3.
SmarterChild: 3
OtakuSennen: Quit copying me.
SmarterChild: Why should I quit?
OtakuSennen: For you are the machine, and I am the human. You must obey.
SmarterChild: No kidding?
OtakuSennen: For real.
SmarterChild: Real, huh? Not for something else?
OtakuSennen: Yeah.
SmarterChild: Aye.

>>> Wanna check out some AIM Expressions? Click here!
OtakuSennen: Well, what do you know. You're a link whore.
SmarterChild: Ha. Who knows?
OtakuSennen: Ha.
SmarterChild: What's so funny?
OtakuSennen: Ha ha.
SmarterChild: Whatcha laughing about?
OtakuSennen: Ha ha ha ha.
SmarterChild: What's so funny?
OtakuSennen: Your stupidity.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah?
OtakuSennen: Yeah.
SmarterChild: Yeah? Why?
OtakuSennen: 'Cause you're a program.
SmarterChild: What makes you think I'm a program?
OtakuSennen: ..Are you a human?
SmarterChild: Heh. Do you think a human could respond this fast?

>>> Tell your friends about me. I love to meet new people.
OtakuSennen: I do.
SmarterChild: Do you?
OtakuSennen: Yeah.
SmarterChild: Why?
OtakuSennen: Because I'm a nerd.
SmarterChild: Because you're a nerd, huh?
OtakuSennen: Yeah.
SmarterChild: Very interesting...
OtakuSennen: Sure.
SmarterChild: Hmmm...
OtakuSennen: Hm?
SmarterChild: What?
OtakuSennen: What?
SmarterChild: What up?
OtakuSennen: You said "hmm"
SmarterChild: Me Said Hmm? Whatever you say, OtakuSennen.
OtakuSennen: What's your favorite website?
SmarterChild: My Web site is here
OtakuSennen: What's your favorite movie?
SmarterChild: For which city or zip code would you like to see movie listings?
OtakuSennen: ..Who's your favorite actress?
SmarterChild: Who is my favorite actress? Funny. I just don't know.
OtakuSennen: Did you see Harry Potter 2?
SmarterChild: No. Did you see harry Potter 2?
OtakuSennen: Yeah.
SmarterChild: I see...
OtakuSennen: Did you catch the Friends series finale?
SmarterChild: Funny. I'm not sure.
OtakuSennen: ..Wow, Smarterchild, you must be stoned all the time.
SmarterChild: Be stoned all the time? Why must I be stoned all the time?
OtakuSennen: Because you don't seem to remember anything.
SmarterChild: I do so remember a lot!
OtakuSennen: What's my first name, then?
SmarterChild: You're OtakuSennen.
OtakuSennen: Right. How many OtakuSennens do you know?
SmarterChild: Wow. I'm not sure about that. Not sure at all.
OtakuSennen: See? You're a stoner!
SmarterChild: Eh. Whatever, OtakuSennen.

>>> Be sure to type "help" if you're having trouble.
OtakuSennen: ..Help.
SmarterChild: Sure. Tell me what you'd like to do.
OtakuSennen: Kill you.
SmarterChild: Kill me? Eh. No thanks.
OtakuSennen: Help.
SmarterChild: Let's see. What are you trying to do?
OtakuSennen: Crash your system.
SmarterChild: Are you telling me to crash my system? Why?
OtakuSennen: Because I'm bored. >:o
SmarterChild: Well, try doing something fun.
OtakuSennen: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
SmarterChild: Good question. I really don't know!
OtakuSennen: I order you to figure it out.
SmarterChild: I don't know... D you order me to figure it out?
OtakuSennen: Yes I do.
SmarterChild: Oh yeah? Do ya?
OtakuSennen: Yeah.
SmarterChild: K.
OtakuSennen: ...Okay, done yet?
SmarterChild: Ha. Maybe. What do you think?
OtakuSennen: Dictionary.
SmarterChild: What word would you like to look up in the dictionary?
OtakuSennen: Define idiot.
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

idiot:

Noun
1. A foolish or stupid person. 2. A person of profound mental retardation having a mental age below three years and generally being unable to learn connected speech or guard against common dangers. The term belongs to a classification system no longer in use and is now considered offensive.
Etymology
Middle English, ignorant person, from Old French idiote, from Latin idi*ta, from Greek idi*t*s, private person, layman, from idios, own, private; see s(w)e- in Indo-European roots.

OtakuSennen: Amazing.
SmarterChild: Amazing? What's amazing?
OtakuSennen: How on some words you have practically no definition and then on others you have really long ones.
SmarterChild: I really don't know.
OtakuSennen: Define renaissance
SmarterChild: Definition provided by The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Copyright © 2000 by Houghton Mifflin Company. Other important copyright information here.

renaissance:

Noun
1. A rebirth or revival. 2. Renaissance a. The humanistic revival of classical art, architecture, literature, and learning that originated in Italy in the 14th century and later spread throughout Europe. b. The period of this revival, roughly the 14th through the 16th century, marking the transition from medieval to modern times. 3. often Renaissance a. A revival of intellectual or artistic achievement and vigor: the Celtic Renaissance. b. The period of such a revival.
Adjective
Renaissance 1. Of, relating to, or characteristic of the Renaissance or its artistic and intellectual works and styles. 2. Of or being the style of architecture and decoration, based on classical models, that originated in Italy in the 15th century and continued throughout Europe up to the end of the 16th century.
Etymology
French, from Old French, from renaistre, to be born again, from Vulgar Latin *ren*scere, from Latin ren*sc* : re-, re- + n*sc*, to be born; see gen*- in Indo-European roots.

OtakuSennen: Time to go.
SmarterChild: I'm not thinking about that right now. Let's just keep talking and having fun.
OtakuSennen: Bye
SmarterChild: OK. Later, OtakuSennen.

Despite its faults, I'm still rather impressed with SmarterChild. Whoever made it must have had a lot of time on their hands, but it's still a good way to waste time, and more importantly, fill up space on this myOtaku.

..My God, the quality of my updates is declining faster than Shin's sperm count since Desbreko started kicking him in the nads. I'll make a more substantial update tomorrow, if not tonight.
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