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myOtaku.com
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Birthday
• 1991-07-11
Gender
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Female
Location
• somewhere where you don't know, actually London in England
Member Since
• 2003-10-10
Occupation
• Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator
Real Name
• Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
Personal
Achievements
• Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH)
Anime Fan Since
• I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD
Favorite Anime
• Most of them except Ultimate Muscle because it is soo ruubiishh-o! I Love 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'! Shinji is such a passive-aggressive boy, and he hates himself so! I can relate, because I hate myself. I hate everyone else in the world!Human condition!
Goals
• to actually finish a story!;To not die before 40, to get a good job which I enjoy- IMPOSSIBLE!; To find someone I love; to not end up killing myself because I suffer from depression.
Hobbies
• reading, writing (all-sorts) and watching tv, getting annoyed, typing, blaming myself; being TOO perceptive; seeing all the faults of the world; telling people off if they are wrong; trying to decipher the world
Talents
•
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myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Pages (238): 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 [ Next ] [ Last ]
Monday, February 2, 2009
 It's snowing!
Ah yes! I'm so glad! I get to sit in my pyjamas inside, and not have to go to school, and I don't have to go tomorrow either!
It's about 6 inches out, and it has been snowing almost constantly since last night. It was going on and off yesterday, but I didn't think that there'd be so much!
It's reported that it's the most in 18 years! Believe me, London, England only gets not even 5 days of snow, so, so much in such little time is amazing! I'm glad too, because I didn't want to go to school, and I had to go to the other school where I do lessons, but there were no buses running in London, so I went back to bed.
My sister woke at 8:45, and didn't even realise that she hadn't gone to school and it was late! She said "What am I still doing here?" It was so hilarious. She's 15 as well, not some little child, but she was so tired, and I never woke her up, so she hadn't a clue!
I'll upload some pictures tomorrow- my comp is too slow at the moment. It's a winter wonderland!
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Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I don't know what it is anymore...
but I feel less of an urge to come on here as the days go by. Sometimes I'm a lurker, but I don't know, maybe because there are so few people on here, and I don't talk to anyone, I don't feel guilty in not coming on here.
Gone are the days where this site was enjoyable and harmless. Maybe it's me growing up, or maybe just me not having the energy or time anymore. I hate being a little insomniac. *sighs*
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Thursday, January 8, 2009
I shouldn't be on here, but I'm validating that I'm alive
I don't know why, but I've become addicted to the internet again, after the whole of the Christmas holidays of not being on.
I've got a sociology test that are each 25% of my grade, so I should be revising, but when there's a computer around and I'm home alone... Yeah
I've been reflecting on the end of year 07, which was pretty shit- I got really badly stressed and suffered insomnia for about 3 months, and my dad ruined my Christmas as well as coming along and being mad. When I say that, he had delusions and at one point, took my sister hostage, saying she can save him, and that the family were evil. I'm really sensitive, and he has fucked up my mind for years, so I could not sleep the 5 days that he had this episode, and yes, he has been in and out of hospitals.
Since then, though, during 08 I saw him once, and he's phoned my family about 20 times; he said he'll start over new, but that has been like over a decade he's being saying that. It's not that I don't believe him, but he has failed to show any signs of progress, and he doesn't like to tell us where he is.
Otherwise, I'm fine, because him not being around has stablilised my moods somewhat though I still get depression.
My Christmas was alright.
Oh, there's a cold snap here in England, and on Monday there was snow! ^^ That means it's bloody cold and the 3 layers are on, then adding a coat! XD I've got a hat that has my name embroided on it. I think when I see my name written 'Amaris' it looks so weird!
Not much else to discuss really, so I'll go.
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Thursday, December 11, 2008
*sighs* I'm so roneree.
Can't tell that I've seen Team America World Police, can you?
Yeah, two good friends have vanished off the face of the earth! Well, let's down-size that to not being present in class. One friend beat up a Year 8 or 9, I'm in Year 13, so you do the math, so she has been suspended for two weeks, and my other friend is sick. They're both in my frees and english class, and it is necessary to have some light humour lighten the mood in that class!
My other friend is around, but we have nothing to talk about, and we don't have any similar interests, and there's no anime to discuss, so that's gone, and another friend, she has a bunch of friends who are lazy, and so is she when she's around them, so we don't talk anymore really because I'm a straight-laced boffin, and the others aren't i.e. drinking and teh intercourse! XD *sighs*
So I'm lost in the thoughts in my head and they are rabidly buzzing!
Also, went to the place which showed the film 'Sakuran' and they are going to release it Jan 12th, so I'll pop down then, but the person who served me used to be an intern at the Tate Britain when I used to be in the 'club'/ organising events thing there. His eyes lit up, and I gave a self-satisfied cheeky grin, but I didn't proffer a conversation. I know his name, but I can't remember the surname, but it was so funny! I haven't seen him for a year in all honesty, but I'll go there again soon enough, and I'll talk to him then. I swear I'm chubbier now than I used to be! XD
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Monday, December 8, 2008
Yes, I am alive
*sighs* It's been so long since I was last on here, but then again, I haven't been totally without my anime or manga!
Things here in Britain seem to be getting interesting in the wake of the recession. V.A.T rates have fallen from 17.5% to 15%, and now the prices are all dodgy, like instead of .99 on the end, it's 47, 49, 25 etc. Also, the shops have been giving crazy discounts, and it's just bizarre because they're regularly taking off 20%+! Very strange!
Anyway, the anime club is surviving by a shoe string, we have 2 members, but it'll go on regardless, I fell off my bike last week Thursday, straight over the handle-bars may I add, and skinned my knee, which swelled up, like it was going crazy that I'd had an actual injury in such a while.
I'm looking forward to the holidays for the sake of time at home really. I know I'll have tons of homework.
I was also thinking that about this time of year, I'm literally dragging myself by the knuckles to get to school, but there is less stress and strain going on, well, I'm not emotionally involved with any boys, or fathers bothering me, and it's just generally alright really. My patience is wearing thin, but I'm not known for suffering fools gladly to say the least.
There's not much to say really. Oh, getting Shiina Ringo's latest album will cost me £30, so I'm going to have to wait for that one until either my mum's friend goes to Japan, or I just somehow find it online.
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Friday, November 21, 2008
A single question to change the fact that I haven't been around lately...
How do you tackle with the problem of evil?
By this, I don't mean institutional evil, or natural evil, but human sin evil!
Answer please! :D
Also, a video! I love the song, but the video's quite entertaining! Behold Shiina Ringo's 'Mesai'
Watch Shiina Ringo-Meisai in Entertainment Videos | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com
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Monday, November 17, 2008
Nooooooooooo! The frightful fist of fatigue and depression is grabbing hold of me!
I am dreadfully sorry for the coarse language in my comments, but I'm not a happy bunny at the mo; I think the word gremlin, or troll- definition: A supernatural being, now especially a grotesque humanoid creature living in caves or hills or under bridges; an ugly person; well, my manner isn't exactly pretty. XD
It's not as bad as year 11, with my eczema, where I can happily say I turned utterly suicidally depressed from the lack of sleep I got! :D Always lovely!
I've been discussing it with my mum, and she says that I may be wielding a knife with the barrage of words I give out! My patience is thin, and I am rather cold! Yippee for being moody sensitive girl! I've been crying, and I don't cry; eating badly and being a general pain in the arse really.
I just wish that there was a magic wand whereby I could just instantly be able to all refreshed when I finally get to sleep to be frank. I hate depression because that means that I get behind in work, and that stress becomes soul-destroying because I have to will things not to fall apart really.
That's the end of my rant. Happy commenting! ^^
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Thursday, November 13, 2008
 If you want something done, stab everyone else and then do it yourself!
I'm teribly aggravated to the extent that I would happily eradicate a few bodies from existence, but sadly, I have to follow the laws to stay free. *sighs*
Stupid fucking anime club isn't going anywhere. It got to the point where today I got pissed off and went home. Yes, I am highly strung, but if the only members are going to play wirelessly on the DS with the stupid 'Animal Crossing' instead of watching the anime that I paid for for them to watch, then fuck them, I'll kick them out and find some better members.
Onwards and upwards with a lower blood pressure, I got some anime! W00t! They were cheap. I got the 'Samurai X' box set and 'Zaion' volume one, and the box set of 'Gunslinger girl'. The anime is supposed to finish like any other episode, but I thought it was good, and if it's not, I only spent £17 on the three DVDs *shrugs*
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Tuesday, November 11, 2008
The cold! The cold!
Well, England does not have snow, it just bloody well rains, and this event happens all-year-long! So great. It rained Saturday, and it rained Sunday as well, that evil fine rain was prevalent too.
Onwards anyway, I had a nice little 'weekend' of culture! I went to 4 museums, two each on Friday and Saturday, quite nice trips as well in themselves, but on Friday, I wasn't feeling so hot. I went to a Philosophy conference, which felt like being at university, which was grand as I'm going to be studying Philosophy with English next year, so that is my life for the next 3 years! The last session, 'The problem of Evil' was brilliant, and inspired my apathetic stagnant mind. I went to the Southbank, which is the South side of London which faces the Thames- the river which made London the capital of England and even the UK. I bought my tickets for 'A street car named Desire' which I've been watching in class, but no one pays attention, and the sound is so low that I can't hear Marlon Brando mumbling.
I then walked along the stretch of the bank to the Tate Modern, utterly despairing because I didn't have a camera to capture the sights of Big Ben, Parliament, St. Paul's Cathedral, and the setting sky behind it. I went to the place, wandered around to my favourite part, the surrealistic movement, which is nice to look at, but sometimes pointless. I then went downstairs to buy two badges, which I get a 20% discount for being in this Tate association which I haven't gone to for a year now! >.< Hey! I never used it before when I was there, so I'm using it now!
Then I caught the 'Tate Boat' which takes you from Tate Modern to the Tate Britain, as they're about 30 mins from each other, and on the opposite side of the river. I got on it for free because if my card. It's next to the Globe theatre, which I have never been into. It was a nice view, and I saw the London Eye that had different coloured lights on it, changing colours in a circular motion.
I got to the Tate Britain at 5pm, well, Big Ben told me it was so, and I saw the Francis Bacon exhibition, because I never understood how the Tate staff could call him so prolific and amazing. His work is based on the fact that he is an atheist, and the body is just meat, often bodies trapped in boxes, which are more like cages. It was interesting to me as it was in-line with the problem of evil. The stuff was obscure but remarkable in what it represented, and that was what I liked as opposed to the actual subject matter itself.
I also saw the Turner Prize. I was sorely disappointed. I couldn't remember why I didn't see it last year, but I know why, it was in Liverpool, and not London. I know that it's modern art, so the 'old-school' concept of 'art' has been thrown out the window.
However, as an arts lover, I was glad that I really didn't have to pay for it. I had a tension headache, but made myself watch all the videos made by the artists; there are 4, and 3 made videos. I was anoyed at the lack of substance or meaning they had. I am not saying that I do not believe 'art for art's sake', but should that really detract from what it was as a medium? Ugh, I was just glad that the bacon exhibition had buffered my annoyance, and I was hungry by then, for I had sat around in dark rooms tired for so long! There was no info on who half of the artists were, so there was nothing to accentuate my understanding, nor detract, and that was my main bugbear. I just love how the older people in the exhibitions (yes, I mean the middle-aged middle-classes who were philosophising the art, giving it a meaning, a depth, as if it was their personal baby who they let out into the world!). I'm speaking from being the only black under-18 girl there. Not far from the demographic, am I?
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Thursday, November 6, 2008
I'm dictated by sod's law I can tell ya! SOD'S LAW!
Or Murphy's Law if you want to be nice and quaint about it. Anyhow, I poured my blood, sweat and tears into an English essay about 'The varying interpretations of Hamlet' those being psychological, a-historical, and my favourite of all, CONTEXTUAL! :D I love that topic, I mean, I got full marks for my module test in that!
The psychological approach was that of the ghastly 'Oedipus Complex'. I can tell you now that I am no psychology student, so I had troubles putting it into words, though I knew what it was all about and where it stemmed from etc. for I love to endeavour! However, this was horrible, and I went through this long essay by Dr. Ernest Jones, an advocate for this theory about Hamlet's indecision. He believes to put it simply, his attraction to his mother has lead to him subconsciously repressing his desires turning him mad, but also putting off killing his uncle. I had to encorporate it into the 'To be, or not to be, that is that question' soliloquy. As far as I'm concerned, this is university/ college standard, and I cannot claim that my English teacher is that great either. It was over last week's holiday that I had to do it, so I couldn't even ask her.
I'd worked so terribly hard for it, and yet she didn't ask for it in, she wants it for next week. I worked on that ghasty, low-quality essay from 2:30- midnight full-stop practically, and she doesn't want to look at the indescribably bad essay I wrote annoyed, tired and clueless?! So bad if I do say so myself! The ONE TIME I finish an essay, and I mean that literally, she doesn't even want to read it, and what's worse is that I'm going to have to do it again! >.<
Otherwise, life is going alright I suppose.
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