Birthday • 1991-07-11 Gender •
Female Location • somewhere where you don't know, actually London in England Member Since • 2003-10-10 Occupation • Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator Real Name • Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
Personal
Achievements • Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH) Anime Fan Since • I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD Favorite Anime • Most of them except Ultimate Muscle because it is soo ruubiishh-o! I Love 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'! Shinji is such a passive-aggressive boy, and he hates himself so! I can relate, because I hate myself. I hate everyone else in the world!Human condition! Goals • to actually finish a story!;To not die before 40, to get a good job which I enjoy- IMPOSSIBLE!; To find someone I love; to not end up killing myself because I suffer from depression. Hobbies • reading, writing (all-sorts) and watching tv, getting annoyed, typing, blaming myself; being TOO perceptive; seeing all the faults of the world; telling people off if they are wrong; trying to decipher the world Talents •
myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Being ignored, though telling the truth (I don't expect that anyone will comment to this, because it's personal pain, and no one likes to coment on it, but I'm just putting this out there)
Last night, there was this show, and I had caught the end of it, because I was watching 'Hellboy'.
Anyway, there was this quote from him which sent me reeling. It was 'I told people but they never believed me.' Now, when I was younger, my dad used to tell me I was useless, no one'd love because I'm a horrible person, and I'll never achieve anything.
I used to tell this to my mum, teachers and helpers never believed me, and this upset me. They always said 'Now, why would your dad say that? He loves you!' So I started to believe all he said, which, obviously, was wrong, and now I'm all fucked up because of it! It just hurt so much, and after a while, no one would listen to my words, so I stopped talking. I stopped trying to tell people of what was happening, so I became a mute, never saying anything. I never told anybody of what happened to me until I was 13, and it had all stopped by the time I was 11, but it doesn't stop the hurt. And now my dad is too ashamed to talk to me, and I keep the secret locked inside me heart. I believed all my dad ever said, and the thing that gets me, is that if my mum had listened to me, it could have all stopped, but it didn't. I don't blame my mum, children do say weird things, but she always claims that I make myself 'a victim', which is wrong.
Lovely world I live in!
Yeah, it pissed down today! Bloody England! Complaining about the weather always reminds me of how English I am!
Also, 'High School Musical 2' is here, and by no exaggeration, my sister has seen it 5 times, and her favourite song is 'you are the music in me' or some title like that. Comments (2) |
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And nothing has changed...
Went to the retreat, and but of course, nothing has REALLY changed. People are still cliquey, but you can't change the world in a few days! Everything's alright. In English, I got an extension for the essay, because I wasn't in last Mond. Nothing's really happening. Got the cosplay Friday night, so I'm SO excited about that! It's supposed to be the screening of the new 'Ghost in the Shell' film, but I'm MORE interested in what people are going to wear! >.< I'm so sad! It's adults only, so I wonder if the black man I always see at anime things will be cosplaying. I hope they let me take pics of them! >.< Comments (1) |
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Saturday, September 22, 2007
Is this true about me?
-------------JULY BABY --------------
~Fun to be with.
~Secretive.
~Difficult to fathom and to be understood.
~Quiet unless excited or tensed.
~Takes pride in oneself.
~Has reputation.
~Easily consoled.
~Honest.
~Concerned about people's feelings.
~Tactful.
~Friendly.
~Approachable.
~Emotional temperamental and unpredictable..
~Moody and easily hurt.
~Witty and sparkly.
~Spazzy at times.
~Not revengeful.
~Forgiving but never forgets.
~Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things.
~Guides others physically and mentally.
~Sensitive and forms impressions carefully.
~Caring and loving.
~Treats others equally.
~Strong sense of sympathy.
~Wary and sharp.
~Judges people through observations.
~Hardworking.
~No difficulties in studying.
~Loves to be alone.
~Always broods about the past and the old friends.
~Waits for friends.
~Never looks for friends.
~Not aggressive unless provoked.
~Loves to be loved.
~Easily hurt but takes long to recover. Comments (0) |
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So! The retreat!
Ah yes. Well, I went on Wedsnesday, and came back yesterday. Let's just say that I was grumpy going there. The trip was fine, I wasn't sick. A jealous friend made myself and Deborah (Female Outlaw) share a room. Deborah had never been anywhere to stay without her mum, which wasn't the case for me because I used to go with my godmother at least twice a year to stay with her for a week. Deborah also missed her neice whom she dotes on.
I can't even remember the activities, it was that packed in!
Anyway, people got on my nerves, and I was in a group which had the people I am most likely to talk to, but they were stuck together like f-ing glue, so I didn't talk to them, and the other people were all friends too. I was pretty much emotionally detatched, and I noticed that I kept referring to myself in the third person. Amazing how detatched from myself I was. I was acting normally anyway, so I think that's the real reason.
There was this mime man and he had this sad story, and I didn't even feel like crying though the pressure was in my cheeks. We did some meditation though, and that helped all the bad feelings go.
We weren't allowed to go to bed until past 11pm, and had to be ready for brekkie by 9am, but there were 3 showers in our dorm to 24 girls. People woke up at 6 to get their showers. Also, we were allowed to have lots of time in-between sessions, but I didn't bring my music, and there was no tv or anything, so I was so thoroughly bored, but Deborah had the likes of Daft Punk and Bat for lashes, so that was alright.
I did one of the most silliest things too! There are fields surrounding the building, and we had to wear formal clothes for dinner, and I wore a browny dress with a slit on the left and matching tights and heels. I looked rather nice, and then Deborah and I, because we were bored, wandered around and I ran on the grass, and then it got all stuck to my heels, so I had to take it all off.
I also played football (FOOTBALL! NOT SOCCER!) and I strained my right knee, and I can't lift it! I've also got bruise on my leg from this boy called Jermaine, one of the 2 token boys in our year, but I tackled him all the time, so he's probably all nice and purple on his legs! One time, he knocked me down, and I flipped in the air sideways, and my legs were up in the air like in anime! He said he was sorry, but I was in histerics, because it was actually quite fun!
All in all, the people were horrible, but it was alright, even though I was hungry. Comments (0) |
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Friday, September 21, 2007
I'm back, and as miserable as ever!
Yeah, I went there tired, came back tired!
I'll add more tomorrow. Comments (2) |
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Monday, September 17, 2007
Being sick is oh but so much fun!
Yeah, unwell yesterday and today. Didn't go to school. I think it was all the things I did on Sat despite feeling rotten to be frank.
I was to meet Deborah, and she was over an hour late, so I'm no longer going to make ANY more rendez-vous with the useless cow. She's always late, so she can go to the anime screenings late without me having to suffer as well.
Got my school retreat thing, so I won't be on from Weds 'til Fri, but I've got the anime film, so maybe Sats or even Monday. Sorry all.
I'll tell you all the juicy gossip from the retreat, for I KNOW there is going to be some!
I have annoyed Deborah, and last week I upset Judith, so I wonder who I'll be sharing a room with! >.< Comments (1) |
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Friday, September 14, 2007
Next week, and the following days after this time next week, Amaris will not be a happy bunny!
I've got a retreat thing from Wednesday to Friday, and there are going to be some walks until midnight, and I don't need much sleep but I need sleep. I woke up at 4:30 this morn, and when I say I'm grouchy, I serously mean, I'd chop of your head and not bat an eyelid!
I'm still all chesty and coughing until my eyes water! Comments (2) |
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Thursday, September 13, 2007
Phlegm on the chest!
Yeah, I think I've got a cold, or my body's fighting diesease, or something like that. I'm all chesty and got lavely mucus in my airways.
Also, I volunteered at the charity shop again, and I had to steam clothes, and some clothes would absorb the heat, whilst others repelled it, and I nearly burnt my hand from the fucking steam! I walked home, which is luckily closeby, and I could only breathe through my nose to by-pass the bogie! *shivers* I got into a fight because I was snotty, with my brother and I got kicked in the face and he hurt my nose. Comments (3) |
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Is this true about me?