Birthday • 1991-07-11 Gender •
Female Location • somewhere where you don't know, actually London in England Member Since • 2003-10-10 Occupation • Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator Real Name • Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
Personal
Achievements • Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH) Anime Fan Since • I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD Favorite Anime • Most of them except Ultimate Muscle because it is soo ruubiishh-o! I Love 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'! Shinji is such a passive-aggressive boy, and he hates himself so! I can relate, because I hate myself. I hate everyone else in the world!Human condition! Goals • to actually finish a story!;To not die before 40, to get a good job which I enjoy- IMPOSSIBLE!; To find someone I love; to not end up killing myself because I suffer from depression. Hobbies • reading, writing (all-sorts) and watching tv, getting annoyed, typing, blaming myself; being TOO perceptive; seeing all the faults of the world; telling people off if they are wrong; trying to decipher the world Talents •
myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Darling life.
Gosh I am not a happy bunny today! :(
Attacked in P.E., and not a fun time last night! I think I'll add the post in confidence later.
I didn't notice my pm box was full, so sorry. :(
Also, my mum went out, so I had to look after my bro and sis, but spent all the time telling my bro to do stuff!
My email is down- it got deleted because my mum's not with the phone comapny anymore, and my email is a branch off the main one, so that's gone. All the things that I have saved are now gone. At least when I was on on Saturday, I found what I wanted on my email, so I'm pissed- I've had it for 3 years, but it's alright. My new one is fightagainstdeath@yahoo.co.uk so email me whenever.
Had a meltdown last night because I couldn't hold in all the emotion of the week, because I told myself not to let it out. Stupid me! XD
Ecapism is what I feel today. I want to escape.
I've got family therapy, so wish me luck- it's tomorrow after school, and I'm so nervous!
How I feel inside Comments (3) |
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Friday, March 9, 2007
I adore this song! Sing along with it!
If i told you things i did before
told you how i used to be
would you go along with someone like me
if you knew my story word for word
had all of my history
would you go along with someone like me
i did before and had my share
it didn't lead nowhere
i would go along with someone like you
it doesn't matter what you did
who you were hanging with
we could stick around and see this night through
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
usually when things has gone this far
people tend to disappear
no one will surprise me unless you do
i can tell there's something goin' on
hours seems to disappear
everyone is leaving i'm still with you
it doesn't matter what we do
where we are going too
we can stick around and see this night through
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
and we don't care about the young folks
talkin' 'bout the young style
and we don't care about the old folks
talkin' 'bout the old style too
and we don't care about their own faults
talkin' 'bout our own style
all we care 'bout is talking
talking only me and you
talking only me and you
The over-whelming stuff is gone! For now!
Yes. I shall be getting off soon, so sorry if I don't visit your sites. This is because I would like a red pinafore, and it's going to be soooo kawaii! I'll even put a pic of me in it if you want. That's if it's beautiful! If it's ugly, you're not seeing my face! Well, school's over, and that means no anxiety/ panic attacks or punching myself in the arm in despair! Yipee! (Gosh I'm so depressed! :P :O) Comments (0) |
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Well, no post earlier, there were nosey people behind me!
I truly love this song!
Well, my dad's gone. He was here last night. His excuse was 'I phoned, but I got no answer', to which I thought AND YOU STILL CAME?!
I was in my mum's room doing my homework the whole time, so I didn't talk to him, thank God. We've got family therapy: all of us, so he wanted to discuss it with my mum. My mum said that he said "I am very much looking forward to it" which sounds really sadistic to me.
I've had a good day, and I had a nice day with Deborah, which isn't uncommon, but it was really pleasant. *beams a smile* I was really down this morn because of my dad and all the stress, but I'm fine now that he's gone and the weekend is to come, with nothing planned but homework! Yay! No waking up at 8 to go into town! Comments (3) |
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Thursday, March 8, 2007
Reflection on the past.
Well, all this week, I've been looking back to when I was in year 9: 13-14, and man was I mad! I can easily say I was totally depressed! I thought I was okay though, and I think that was part of the problem. At least I'm here now. I used to talk to this person anyway, so I totally think that saved my bacon. His name was Mergani and I used to talk to him to a big fat extent! I would talk to him everyday except Wednesdays when the library was closed.
That year of school was REALLY hard because there was more pressure than there is now, and I couldn't handle it, and my dad was around being drunk and telling me I was a piece of shit and all for that whole year and I was incredibly tired. The irony of it all was that I still got my predicted results, even though I hadn't revised or anything. I think Mergani really helped, even though I was talking to a 21 year-old when I was 13, but hey, he never said enything inappropriate, and I felt listened to, when I was being bullied, and threatened and all that shit. Society dictates that I shouldn't really be talking to people that age, but hey! It's better than me being in the ground, which I would be, because I didn't have anyone to talk to!My favourite threat was in textiles (clothes making), where a girl in my class basically asked if she thought she could cut off my lips with a craft knife. I'm not used to threats, and still am not, so I was laughing my arse off. Nothing ever came to anything. Everyone was stressed. I was way past all the wanting to self-harm and shit. I was so depressed I didn't even want to darn well die! XD
Well, I'm not typing anymore, as people are reading what I'm typing. :( People are so bloody nosey! The girl who read it asked if it was real, and I hope the bitch spreads the truth! :O Comments (5) |
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Am I that much of a reject?!
Golly gosh! There's this girl of whom I went to primary school, and they were applying make-up, and then this girl asked me if I wanted any makeup. Then they started talking about what I should do for my 16th, and wearing short skirts and skinny jeans, which I don't wear. They kept going on, and I was arguing my point but they kept going on about how I should straighten my hair and get extensions or curl/ tong my hair…or I should ask my mum for £100 for my birthday, and how the other girl had gotten £1000, then I was talking about how my mum is a single mum, and takes care of her three kids, and doesn’t work because she wants to look after us, and then she was looking at me weird, and then I kept saying how they were pissing me off, and how they underestimate me. So then they tried to win me over and were saying how great I was to stand up to them, and how they admired me and I was wonderful. One girl even went on her knees and begged for forgiveness.
Then they asked if I would say how they were going wrong, and one asked what their faults were, which made me laugh like hell. I thought in my head ‘you’re a bitch and you make a point of the fact you’re short and have an inferiority complex’. I said the latter, and then said, “you’re very critical of people”, rather than being outright. She said she admired me, and all that I must be strong.
It wasn’t really what they said, but they way they said it: snooty like they knew everything about me and were trying to improve on me, even though I’ve got the confidence they don’t.
Nothing much.
Well, went to the performance last night. I brang cold water to keep my mouth wet, aand it was more adverse than helpful!
Usually, I can get the high notes with absolute ease, but I couldn't get any of them! *grumbles*
I was tired, and I went to bed on time.
I had a retake in Physics. I probably did better than the C I got previously.
My English teacher wasn't in, and then she came in, but we had nothing to do, and weren't told to do anything. She came in and told us off, telling us there was the folder with our stuff on her desk. Her home had been broken into. Comments (6) |
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Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Art teacher: evil
Today the evil art teacher who's going to be our teacher, tried to make me do my shoe. I didn't want to, and then I was made to, and then I said all the reasons why I didn't want to do it, adn she said why couldn't I ask her, which is because she's damn well unapproachable! Comments (4) |
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People annoy me, and I hate 'em!
Practising for choir which is next week. 'Requiem'. I really hate bitches, and I'm sitting on a cold stone thing. The person in charge jokes that I'll get piles! XD
There are people who are annoying me, and there were people laughing at someone who doesn't sing well. It was putting me off, and I told the person, and they said 'so?' and I had to bite my tongue before I beat the shit out of her. Comments (4) |
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People annoy me, and I hate 'em!
Practising for choir which is next week. 'Requiem'. I really hate bitches, and I'm sitting on a cold stone thing. The person in charge jokes that I'll get piles! XD
There are people who are annoying me, and there were people laughing at someone who doesn't sing well. It was putting me off, and I told the person, and they said 'so?' and I had to bite my tongue before I beat the shit out of her. Comments (3) |
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