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myOtaku.com
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Birthday
• 1991-07-11
Gender
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Female
Location
• somewhere where you don't know, actually London in England
Member Since
• 2003-10-10
Occupation
• Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator
Real Name
• Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
Personal
Achievements
• Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH)
Anime Fan Since
• I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD
Favorite Anime
• Most of them except Ultimate Muscle because it is soo ruubiishh-o! I Love 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'! Shinji is such a passive-aggressive boy, and he hates himself so! I can relate, because I hate myself. I hate everyone else in the world!Human condition!
Goals
• to actually finish a story!;To not die before 40, to get a good job which I enjoy- IMPOSSIBLE!; To find someone I love; to not end up killing myself because I suffer from depression.
Hobbies
• reading, writing (all-sorts) and watching tv, getting annoyed, typing, blaming myself; being TOO perceptive; seeing all the faults of the world; telling people off if they are wrong; trying to decipher the world
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myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Pages (238): [ First ][ Previous ] 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 [ Next ] [ Last ]
Monday, January 8, 2007
French and P.E. what a waste.
In P.E. we had to do basketball and football. No one did anything, and I was certainly very ditzy, and not getting the ball, and throwing it all over the place.
Frech was just a haze of the usual misunderstandings due to not being able to understand the teacher.
I just feel so stressed.
My new year's resolutions are:
SLEEP MORE, WORK MORE!
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School has commenced again! And I'm as tired as I was starting, and I'm getting nervous about English!
I have hardly done anything for English. I'm crapping myself.
I'm very tired, and pretty much on the edge of suicidal-ness and just crying.
My mum's on my back again, but at the same time, she's neglecting me, and leaving me to my own devices, which isn't good when you are EASILY distracted!
I got all teary this morn, and cried because my mum was hassling me about shoes. I'm wearing my old ones because I didn't want to be crippled XD.
Well, I didn't do ANY of my english coursework, and I'm not sure if it's due in today. I'm really unsure. Everyone else is saying it's Weds. I don't know.
Well, I'm not wearing my bandages, because I couldn't find them. I was in a huff because Mairin took ages to go to the bathroom, and because of that, I forgot to tell my brother happy birthday, and was on his back and annoyed. I wish I could go and disappear for a while and be in a different environment which isn't tense.
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Friday, January 5, 2007
*sucks thumb* I look like jailbait! (I don't suck my thumb.)
Well, went shopping today. I've got two dresses, one in the Chinese style, the other a strapless red dress with red ribbon on the waist and going down. It was only £8! The other one was £5. You've got to love sales!
I didn't get alot of clothes, but I got alot of ideas- my mum sews, so all I have to do is ask when she's not doing anything.
I also got some eyeliner and mascara because I love it. I'll only wear it on special occasions, because right now, I look like f-ing jail bait!
I've also got high heels, so I have been prancing about in them practising. They really burn your soles!
Nothing else to report.
(Jailbait is when a person who is legally under age for consent is dressed and mistaken for being over 16.)
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Thursday, January 4, 2007
I'm getting clothes tomorrow!
I'm so looking forward to it! Skirts and tights all the way!
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Well! Nice to see things have been upset.
I feel sulky like a little helpless 5 year old. A certain wonderful parent is around, and asked if he could 'start over' again, as it's the new year. Broken Promises are all I ever get off him, so I did not agree. I don't want to be hurt again.
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Wednesday, January 3, 2007
I got some clothes! More tops!
I don't have any bottoms, which I always complain about, because now I want to wear skirts for the sake of the eczema on the back of my knees.
I've got some nice tops- I dress smart/casual, so they're purty.
My mum was the one who suggested it, so I didn't do any work this morn, or afternoon. I'm on early so I shall do some work later. I will also go to bed.
My mum also suggested we go to FOPP which is an indie CD shop, and the CDs are all cheap. I don't have much money. We're also going clothes shooping then- Friday, so I do should do some work.
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Tuesday, January 2, 2007
My poem, which I have promised to post! XD hope yiz like it because im a G!
I have no title for this. I’ll think of one now.
‘The girl whose heart bleeds because she can’t touch people’ there.
She pours out her heart in such an effortless manner-
moves as she animates her pain flawlessly,
Like the swan’s last song,
she moves her body to the painful words
which seethed through her body
ripping her hope to shreds.
And now this is a part of her.
Which she expels temporarily whilst divulging in it
She enjoys it even.
A simple smile upon her face,
juxtaposed to the graveness of the situation
where she was degraded and helpless.
No tears fall as her lips move, no pain in her speech;
Not a cruel or spiteful word in it.
What she talks about might as well be a beautiful rose
because she talks with such precision, as she remembers it so thoroughly
in order for her to retell it to someone else
like me- who is imagining
the experience of the pain she accepted there and then.
And I sit, humbled, looking at her,
I see no reason why she hates herself
because unlike many others, she accepts it,
lets it go to the point that recalling it is painless.
Yet I always see that twinkle of self-hatred as I inspect her eyes.
She is so secure, yet seals herself off from the world.
Not a body she touches.
Words are her only means of intimacy,
and that is why she HAS to speak so well.
To be free of the pain she does not expel by touching somebody.
Anybody.
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 Did some homework, but got up late.
Went to bed late because I was watching this thing about a tradition the Shetland island has. It was interesting. It was called 'Up Helle Aa' or something like that. I woke up at 9am, but I was dizzy, so I didn't get up. Bad me! I have some of my self-portrait done, and a little bit of English done.
A song which I love:
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Monday, January 1, 2007
Forgot to add this!
One of the reasons why I didn't do my homework this afternoon was: I was sewing my pyjama top hole in the elbow I accidently ripped a month ago with red thread. I spent most of my time trying to find a needle (thank God my mum sews). My pyjama sleeve is blue... it's better than my eczema elbow being out!
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 It's the new year! (Now I have to get used to writing 07)
So. It's now a week until my holidays finish. So that means work work work!
No, I didn't do anything today *looks guilty* I woke up early enough, but I went back to sleep, which means everything was pushed down, and my eating times are all over the place, so I shall ABSOLUTELY do some tomorrow.
She says.
Didn't do anything today, so nothing to report.
I just hope that everyone overcomes their troubles and becomes better people! *grins*
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