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myOtaku.com
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Birthday
• 1991-07-11
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Female
Location
• somewhere where you don't know, actually London in England
Member Since
• 2003-10-10
Occupation
• Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator
Real Name
• Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
Personal
Achievements
• Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH)
Anime Fan Since
• I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD
Favorite Anime
• Most of them except Ultimate Muscle because it is soo ruubiishh-o! I Love 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'! Shinji is such a passive-aggressive boy, and he hates himself so! I can relate, because I hate myself. I hate everyone else in the world!Human condition!
Goals
• to actually finish a story!;To not die before 40, to get a good job which I enjoy- IMPOSSIBLE!; To find someone I love; to not end up killing myself because I suffer from depression.
Hobbies
• reading, writing (all-sorts) and watching tv, getting annoyed, typing, blaming myself; being TOO perceptive; seeing all the faults of the world; telling people off if they are wrong; trying to decipher the world
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myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Pages (238): [ First ][ Previous ] 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 [ Next ] [ Last ]
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Beauty is so subjective.
This is my last year at school, so everyone is deciding categories for the yearbook being made by a girl in my graphics class.
Everyone's being a bitch about the categories. Got to love it!
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I'm alright today!
WEll, I went home yesterday, because I was starting to panic and I was getting really hot even though it was cold outside, and I took off my jumper, and was in one layer, but STILL hot. So I told my form tutor and went home. I'm beter now. Much better.
My brother had this play, he's at primary school, I used to go there, and it was good. It was called 'The Mystic Nativity' inspired by a nativity painting by Botacelli. Afterwards there was minced pies and mulled wine. I only know the top two years, my brother's in year 6, the last year, and it was interesting identifying the siblings of people I already know.
The whole lower white middle-class environment was comforting, as that was all I knew as a poor black girl in primary school. I like it better than the whole majority black school filled with ignorant people. I'd rather ignorant white people who don't know how to treat people rather than on the other side. I don't like the situation, but it's fun and bubbly, and they still laugh at things I don't get, but at least it's British humour as opposed to African humour, which I don't understand anyway because I'm of Jamaican background.
I've bandaged myself today, so it shouldn't be too bad, but I can't really tell you otherwise, as yesterday my temperature was really high and I felt woozy and that came out of nothing.
Ah well. No feeling down for me! Even if I am fecking sleep deprived!
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Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Always nice to know I am gaining confidence.
Recently, I have been more social and outgoing, and less groggy full-stop. I haven't even been partially 'down the road of no return' if you know what that means to all who know my words.
Be happy for me!
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Yes! I am alive!
Well, no internet was for me on Saturday, for I didn't do my coursework, and hadn't finished it, of which it still isn't finished.
Monday, had my art detention as ever, and Tuesday, yesterday, had my art trip, which I forgot to mention.
It was really fun, despite the fact that I was working with oil-based paints, and got it in ALL of the lines in my skin, and I got to wear my own clothes. I made three self-portraits off a picture of me when I was in year 10, and I had my 'plait my hair to make a fringe and wear ribbons in meh hair' phase.
Today then. The face is being/ being covered in excema- it is quickly growing- my eye lids are covered in excema.
Today, I scratched my cheek, and my cheek got all hot and nasty. Even others said it was hot, and I was getting hot. My mum this morn before I left for school said, "You don't seem stressed despite the actual fact that you are. You are just so passive." It's not my fault! Well, I just thought that I'd tell you guys that I'm not dead, and I'll answer the pms on Friday! Sorry! Got homework I couldn't do last night when I was in a haze of fatigue.
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Friday, December 8, 2006
Not eating from 8am 'til 5:10 pm is just SOOO fun!
Well, didn't go and eat, and I didn't hand it in. My teacher says she's going to phone my mum and call the head of English. Ahh welll.
I can't be bothered to say anything. I'm tired, and got to do some art stuff for the Tate, but I can't be bothered as I have so much.
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One does so hate life sometimes!
Well, I stayed up until 3 am to 'finish' my coursework. I have typed it up. I saved it on floppy disk, but the buggering system I use is newer than what is at school, and therefore, all the words are spread out, and I have to keep pressing backspace. How delightful?
I'm really tired, and I should finish this. Hopefully I'll be on later.
Repetitive strain symdrome here I come!
I'm floating on air because of my adrenaline, and I have only had some food today, and I shan't have lunch!
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Thursday, December 7, 2006
Tate Christmas party tonight!
My only predicament is tha I don't know what to wear.
my mum says arty people don't dress up, and I don't want to stick out like a sore thumb, but I want to look good.
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Wednesday, December 6, 2006
I need some books! Some manga! Anything!
Yes. It has been about 3 weeks since I have read a book, and I am dying. I want some literaure Goddammit!
Ah well, I SHOULD go to the library!
And I smell like frying today because I fried bacon, obviously in my uniform.
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How is I? Tired!
Well, last night, I was trying to come up with a wish list for Christmas, because my mum jokes/ semi kids about if we don't compile a list of what we want, we won't get anything, so I was sitting down for half an hour wondering what I wanted; from childhood I haven't asked much of my mum because we're poor, as she is a stay-at-home, and my dad asks more money off her than gives, when around, so I've been used to humbling myself, and not necessarily wanting material things.
So my list is: Boxset of 'Neon Genesis Evangelion' (I've wanted that for almost 4 years now)
Badge-it (to make badges full of wacky things)
and that's it. See. I never ask for much. Just the love of my mother, and not my father, as that is futile, and not needed.
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Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Emotion blackmail, and the highest begging for forgiveness from the pleb.
Well, at lunch yesterday, I was first, and I was waiting in the line, typically people were pushing infront like no one else existed, and there was standing my former history teacher. I shall call her 'U'.
I was going to go in when she clenched my arm, (I don't like being touched. Blame my father for making me think I'm worthless. Yay!) and she was saying silly shit like "Oh! Why don't you smile?" Me, not having the most enjoyable P.E. lesson, replied "I don't want to smile" in a grumpy way. Then she said "We don't talk any more!" Of which I thought 'you neglected me the whole of year 10 because I didn't choose history, I chose drama.) I smirked, and she started schpeeling about things like "Oh! You smiled because you know I care for you!" and "I really care for you, I do. You can always talk to me" of which I rolled my eyes and mumbled "if you knew what I truly felt and thought, I don't think you'd want to talk to me." and went into lunch.
After lunch, I went to my art detention, and I had my stuff, and was going in when the headmistress came through the doors near the door to the art room itself. Then I was still going to the rooom, and she said, "excuse me, I'd like to talk to you" of which I was wondering what in God's name for, as she doesn't know my name or anything, and only the bad people and sixth form students. So I was going to put my stuff down, and she told me to shut the door. I was quite puzzled, and she went on saying "aren't you the girl whose sandwich I took off?" (she had on Thursday at break for I was outside my form room, and you aren't supposed to eat in the room, but it was too cold to go outside.) I nodded, and she said she was wrong for apprehending it off me, and said she was wrong and went on with the technicalities of the rule. She asked if I had had any more food, of which I said no. She said she was sorry for that, and then I went to the art class! So funny! The first time that the headmistress has talked to me!
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