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Birthday
• 1991-07-11
Gender
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Female
Location
• somewhere where you don't know, actually London in England
Member Since
• 2003-10-10
Occupation
• Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator
Real Name
• Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
Personal
Achievements
• Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH)
Anime Fan Since
• I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD
Favorite Anime
• Most of them except Ultimate Muscle because it is soo ruubiishh-o! I Love 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'! Shinji is such a passive-aggressive boy, and he hates himself so! I can relate, because I hate myself. I hate everyone else in the world!Human condition!
Goals
• to actually finish a story!;To not die before 40, to get a good job which I enjoy- IMPOSSIBLE!; To find someone I love; to not end up killing myself because I suffer from depression.
Hobbies
• reading, writing (all-sorts) and watching tv, getting annoyed, typing, blaming myself; being TOO perceptive; seeing all the faults of the world; telling people off if they are wrong; trying to decipher the world
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myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
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Welcome to my site archives. 10 posts are listed per page.
Pages (238): [ First ][ Previous ] 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 [ Next ] [ Last ]
Monday, November 6, 2006
Don't you just hate it when your words are taken literally?
Well, as you may or not know, I banter alot willy-nilly. I@m a major complainer, and it's a habit. Hey! Do you want me complaining, or being quiet and cutting myself eh?
No, just joking! lol
My problem is that at work, I have modified my behaviour, so I complained, and they took it seriously. Darn now! It's explaining tome! Something that comes easy to me, but is also now a chore!
Have spent about 90 minutes doing nothing today. They've run out of things to make me do! If I was getting paid, then I would be absolutely happy, but as I am not...
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The last post- The song.
For all of your infos, it's called 'Someday you will be loved', and it's a song that I enjoy. It's pretty sappy, but you've always got to have that in your life!
At least I don't listen to metal!
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Sunday, November 5, 2006
The song makes me feel warm insides
I shouldn't be on, but this song is just beautiful. What do you think?
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Saturday, November 4, 2006
Looking through previous posts, and thinking 'was that my mindset? No wonder I find it so hard to not cut myself!'
That;s why I always try to type what I think because despite the fact that I may not get many comments, I'm lucky if I get two, I know it's up in cyberspace!
So many people used to comment, and now most of them aren't active. Just like life.
From Tues 20th June:
All I say on this is always taken in the wrong way.
I'm getting pretty sick and tired of saying things, and them being thrown in my face, and then calling me an idiot and such. It's tiring. I am always getting annoyed of being on here, and it seems pointless. Especially the fact that I'm not seeing any of you face to face.
Maybe I'm just over-reacting. I don't know, but please. I'm getting sick of being glad of the amount of comments, and then most of them are all hostile. I really don't care anymore. I give up.
From Monday 19th June
Who feels like getting herself maimed, just to feel something delightful? Amaris does!
I feel quite down at the moment. Probably my fatigue and the heat. I feel really shallow, and not doing anything. I hate this. I should really consult my mum, but I haven't got a backbone!I feel kind of like crying, but not really. I just have to write down my feelings, let them get found by a teacher, and get them to seek help for me!
Ahh! The life of a teenager, and having higher, non-realitica expectations of my fellow classmates, and them being shot down, by their conversations about only liking a band for the singers' 'stage environment'. Sorry. That's just shallow. Anyway. I'm looking forward to poking myself with a pin this evening!
Aren't I mad? (I didn't poke myself with a pin. That was wishful thinking!)
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Oh. Whoever wrote the message, I live in England. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving! Grave mistake! :P
How am I? Oh, nothing really. Just a bit sullen. Like always. Been writing my story which I have been working on for two years. It's going to end up being over 1000 pages if I'm not careful! It's about this boy and girl, and they meet when the girl tries to kill herself. They have troubled lives etc. like the boy cuts himself and the girls' mother won't tell her about her father and the guy ends up killing himself. Just your run-of-the-mill story! XD That's just a real brief overview, but it doesn't sound as awful as it is. Think of me putting my humour into it!
I should do homework, so I shall be doing research after my my turn.
Got Tate Visual Dialogues next Sat from 10-1, so I'm looking forward to the breakfast because last time I had breakfast there was fruit and pastries. Yum!
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Friday, November 3, 2006
 This bullshit has some truth to it!
 | You scored as u r a tormented dark soul. u r a tormented dark soul u have probably been betrayed by those u trust and now u trust no one and almost all u have ever felt has been pain and sufferring
u r a tormented dark soul | | 63% | u were born a dark soul it is what u r | | 44% | dark soul of hatred | | 31% | depressed dark soul | | 25% |
what kinda dark soul r u
created with QuizFarm.com |
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Once again Amaris saved poor Nivek!
No, I@m joking. This wouldn't have been the second time. Only the first.
How it is: Nivek is a South Afican guy, 18, Indian heritage, and he is in Tate Forum, the club I@m in for events for young people up in Tate Britain. It was last night that there was a meeting, and I would only be at home for half an hour before I had to go out, so I go off the train early, and went to Tate Britain to see the Holbein exhibition because I'm lazy and it's free, so I should reap the benefits.
I was wondering and wandering. Wandering around the exhibiton, trying to kill time, but I had no keeper of time, so I was rushing it to then read 'GTO: Great Teacher Onizuka'.
In the last room, my hopes had nearly gone (I'm fond of him, and he is kind XD I DO NOT LIKE HIM!!!) but there he was, standing at the exit/ swinging doors. I was trying to get his attention, but him having spent a few hours just standing there, he wasn't looking. So I was waving for a few paces, and then he saw me, and ushered me over. I went up to him, and he was asking me how come I was in the exhibition. I told him how I was killing time for the meeting. He hadn't remembered, and was bitching about how he had no money for any food, so he had to go to Vauxhall, which is pretty far to go, but luckily I had reminded him that there was Tate Forum, so he could scoff some food because he had to work until 7 or 9, can't remember, and it was 5 when I was talking to him.
So it was because of my idea to exploit my membership to Tate that poor Nivek got some food!
SEE I AM CATHOLIC AT HEART! *cackles and eats her lunch*
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9 minutes more for lunchtime baby!
Well, today the person who supervises me, wasn't in because, in her words, "the fridge is packed up." So I shredded, and then the shredder was lodged on the box, so I had to go to the postroom. There, the shredder is bigger and takes more paper. It ws fun, and I did it in almost double the time.
I have nothing to do now, which suits me fine, because I@m rather grumpy and tired, and have an extra body thing (lol) to get grumpy about! Arghh the pain! *dies from laughing*
So now I have rice with peppers and salami, and some frankfurters.
Looking forward to it! Microwave time baby!
Off to prepare the food and visit sites!
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 Please join here!
http://z8.invisionfree.com/OperationFoxHound/index.php?s=8daceb3f654ff7510c0a1f491aac2264&act=idx
It's mad, but we need more members, and most of you are active, so please?
I'm Mister Funny Bunny
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Thursday, November 2, 2006
...And into the cold Amaris went, to get turned away...
I was all ready for Cathedral choir Iwas like: "yeah yeah! Yeah yeah! Let me talk to Deborah! Yeah yeah!"
It was flipping cold yesterday, and the weather had turned from Tuesday.
Amaris, clad in a scarf, hat, GLOVE, coat and manga was all ready to go on the Northern line up to Elephant & Castle. It was bitterly cold, but she was ready nonetheless.
So she went, and upon approaching Cathedral choir, she saw the other younger girls, who lived in the neighbourhood. She was panicking because she thought she was late, so she waved to them, and walked on.
Now she was along the side of the Cathedral, and had twisted her ankle, and was f-ing and blinding, hopeing her rush was worth it.
The lights to the crypt where she practised, where turned off, and now she was panicking.
She walked on though.
As she approached, a portly man, with a key in his hands came up to Amaris, and told her that Mr. Harper was unable to go and do the practise because he was stuck in Camberwell, where there was a stand-still because someone had been shot with a machine-gun. He could neither go forward nor back.
So Amaris pouted, and then went back on the warm underground, rather than the harsh, cold air.
That is meh story! Pretty crap really.
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