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Female
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• 2003-10-10
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• Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator
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• Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
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• Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH)
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• I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD
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myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
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Monday, September 24, 2007
Being ignored, though telling the truth (I don't expect that anyone will comment to this, because it's personal pain, and no one likes to coment on it, but I'm just putting this out there)
Last night, there was this show, and I had caught the end of it, because I was watching 'Hellboy'.
Anyway, there was this quote from him which sent me reeling. It was 'I told people but they never believed me.' Now, when I was younger, my dad used to tell me I was useless, no one'd love because I'm a horrible person, and I'll never achieve anything.
I used to tell this to my mum, teachers and helpers never believed me, and this upset me. They always said 'Now, why would your dad say that? He loves you!' So I started to believe all he said, which, obviously, was wrong, and now I'm all fucked up because of it! It just hurt so much, and after a while, no one would listen to my words, so I stopped talking. I stopped trying to tell people of what was happening, so I became a mute, never saying anything. I never told anybody of what happened to me until I was 13, and it had all stopped by the time I was 11, but it doesn't stop the hurt. And now my dad is too ashamed to talk to me, and I keep the secret locked inside me heart. I believed all my dad ever said, and the thing that gets me, is that if my mum had listened to me, it could have all stopped, but it didn't. I don't blame my mum, children do say weird things, but she always claims that I make myself 'a victim', which is wrong.
Amaris
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