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• 1991-07-11
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Female
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• 2003-10-10
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• Sixth Form student, fan girl, writer and struggling artist/ creator
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• Amaris Hope you like the name because it is really so!
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Achievements
• Not killing the people in my school YET, or the world; being able to push people away; being socially isolated; let my grades go down because I'm lazy and an idiot; read all the books in my library, get my english teacher to think I self-harm (DSH)
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• I was 7, Yr 3, 1998 or so. The first anime was the infamous 'Sailor Moon'! XD
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• Most of them except Ultimate Muscle because it is soo ruubiishh-o! I Love 'Neon Genesis Evangelion'! Shinji is such a passive-aggressive boy, and he hates himself so! I can relate, because I hate myself. I hate everyone else in the world!Human condition!
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• to actually finish a story!;To not die before 40, to get a good job which I enjoy- IMPOSSIBLE!; To find someone I love; to not end up killing myself because I suffer from depression.
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• reading, writing (all-sorts) and watching tv, getting annoyed, typing, blaming myself; being TOO perceptive; seeing all the faults of the world; telling people off if they are wrong; trying to decipher the world
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myOtaku.com: Outlaw Melfina
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Wednesday, June 22, 2005
A very long post about confirmation class! Oh no!
I went to the barbeque thingamajig, and I was wearing a nice a flowy dress, and it was all floral, and I saw the regualars, and some of the old people who had done their confirmation the rpevious year, and a roaring fire. Michael and Marvin, the only black boys in my years' class if you had to know, were playing football/ soccer, I call it football, and I talked to some of the girls, some of the boys, and Declan were kicking a rugby ball in the air, and smashing themselves up, trying to catch it. I don't really know why I went to it in all honesty. Not like I fit in! I'm the 'loner', which I am, and just weird.
Anyway, we were hanging around, and then Marie decided that we'd play softball! Man are those balls NOT SOFT! We were supposed to play boys vs girls, but that got called off! I am so gald! I can't stand that bullshit! I bruk up my hand several times, and I swore each time. It was vey fun runing in a dress in your school shoes! I was wearing my lovely long white socks, which finish right under my knee. The only thing you could see was my arms, and mr cleavage! Anyway, I got out twice. WE had three innings. The older ones won. Then 'the gang' came. They are Michael and Marvin's 'superiors'. They are all black, and they're all boys, and they love their football! They practically mowed me down when I was 'playing'.
Then we had food. I was standing around, and then I got a drink. there was this German guy, called Ollie, and I was bending over the bucket where they were kept cool, and he asked what drink I suggested. I screwed-up my face, and said, "They're all kinda sweet!" He laughed, but for a bit too long. I didn't find it funny. then I stood around again, having no one to talk to, and then Father Stephen came up to me, 'cause I was starring at the food, for no reason at all, and he said I was hungry. HE, THE BASTARD, SAID I WAS HUNGRY! HE AIN'T GOT NO SHIT ON ME! So he told Laura, the person incharge, I was hungry, and she asked if I wanted a burger or sausage, and I said burger 'cause I don't like sausages, so she got me one, by then, I had filled myself with fizzy drinks! So then I went to get some ketchup, and the Rory came up, who's in my year, and then I put the ketchup on both sides, pissing him off, and then I put the bun on the wrong fucking side! So I flipped it over, and had to cope, and then we played football. Marie, again, decided it should be boys against girls, but yet again, that idea got pulverised. I decided I would be a defender! As I am good at that naturally! And then I went to the other end, and then I talked to my friend, who used to be a goth, though I don't go to the same school, and the only time I see her is confirmation class, but she started atlking to me, because there was no one else, and earlier, she was whining how she 'didn't want to e alone'! I thought, at least you had a choice! Even when you were younger! Anyway, she asked me about the marks on my hand, and asked how I was. I said I was fine, and she asked how many friends I had. I said two, and she said that is very low. Now. I go to a fucking MAJORITY BLACK SCHOOL, WHERE THE GIRLS THINK THEY'RE ALL THAT! I GOT TO A FUCKING GIRLS SCHOOL LIKE YOU! I didn't say anything, but I was also thinking how they were the beast out of a bad bunch. A hyper girl, and a geek. Yup! That's the best! I said how they, particularly Deborah, call me a freak. Tom was behind us two during all of this, because he was a goalie! Then, here comes the thing that got me really upset! She said how I was always down, and "Y'know." I said "What? Suicidal?" And then she nodded, so I decided to make a scene! I shouted: "I'm not suicidal!" And everyone momentarily stopped, and then carried on. Then Marie, being a stupid person, came up to me, asking if I was upset about being called sucidal, and I said no, really pissed off, and not looking her in the eye once, and carried on. Felicity, by then went off. Then Tom went up to me, and asked me if I really was suicidal. I thought that that was really funny, and then I replied to him, "Do I look suicidal?" And he replied "No. Not necessarily." And I said "Exactly!" Then I went off for a while. Then the football went on for a while, and then I got annoyed and upset at myself, saying how I always get out of the limelight, and stand at a-side, and spectate, and join in when it's appropriate, which is true, but I got upset, and there was this boy called Isaac who I was kinda friends with who;s in year 11 now, and he had stomach cramps from too much food, which was funny.
Well, it looks like I'm gonna have to finish this tomorrow. I have got half-way through it all! Please read it tomorrow, or I'll come for ya! :)
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